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Old 08-21-2009, 06:25 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
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Default Kid-Related Custody/Legal Fears

Hey, all.

What can I do to protect myself and my daughter from her dad's family?

I'm moving into a poly family, and we'll be in the same state as BD and his parents. I SUCK at being in the closet, I just do. I can handle it at work and stuff, but not being able to post anything on fb or whatever, there's no way I'm going to be able to keep this from BD for long, and his family is pretty conservative. I don't think he himself would petition for custody. It's his future wife and his parents who are all pretty conservative, and BD is passive enough to pursue it if they talk him into it. His parents love my daughter, she's their first grandchild, and they just met her a couple of weeks ago. BD just met her a month ago as well, for that matter.

I'm hoping that THAT will be my saving grace, that he's just not been that involved. But I WANT him to have a good relationship with our daughter. I know that custody issues always favor the mother, especially if she's been the custodial parent for any real length of time, but IF they take me to court for custody on the premise of me being unfit due to living in a poly family, I'm scared that if I get the wrong judge, they'd win. This would devastate me beyond words, beyond breath...I'm trying not to think about it. I do want to do everything I can to prevent that from happening.

Ideas? Resources?

Last edited by Creatress; 08-21-2009 at 06:35 AM.
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Old 08-21-2009, 01:31 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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There was a thread that covered some of this here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=339

I think it comes down to the state and the judge. However, I think that if you are a good parent and the kid is doing well, then you should be ok. If something did happen, there are a few groups that would defend you if it did happen.

There was a case about a decade ago where a woman appeared on MTV with her husband and live in boyfriend. Her child was taken away. She received a lot of money to fight the case. I believe that in the end, she gave up because she admitted that she did not have the finances to take care of her child.
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Old 08-21-2009, 03:52 PM
Creatress Creatress is offline
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Thank you!

It really runs the gamut, doesn't it? From "don't get into the relationship until your kids are out of the house" to "call up the ACLU and let the bugger try for custody!"

I appreciate the resource. Soooo scary. *sigh* Open to hearing any other insight from folks!
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Old 08-21-2009, 05:22 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Does the BD know about your situation? If you're not going to be in the closet anyway, perhaps it's best to talk it over with him and get his feelings on the matter. If you have a decent enough relationship and he knows you're a good parent maybe you can have him sign some legal documents stating he will not sue for custody based on your relationship status? I'm not sure this can be done as I have no legal experience, but maybe it's worth a try? Talk to a lawyer and find out your rights.
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Old 08-21-2009, 07:02 PM
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Have a look through the Google search of [polyamory + "child custody"]:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...&aq=f&oq=&aqi=


& contact Anita Wagner - http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/. I bet Anita can help -- or direct you to where help can be found.
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Old 08-22-2009, 05:00 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
Have a look through the Google search of [polyamory + "child custody"]:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...&aq=f&oq=&aqi=


& contact Anita Wagner - http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/. I bet Anita can help -- or direct you to where help can be found.
Thank you for listing those resources. I will make a point to follow through on those.
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