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  #1  
Old 08-19-2009, 04:36 AM
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Macbeth Macbeth is offline
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Default So. A little envious?

If you've read Lady Macbeth's post, you are aware that in a very short period of time she's been able to bring a relationship online. I'm really very happy for her, and she had an amazingly simple, almost pre-set situation.

I don't.

Not only do I not, I can't think of any that may present themselves. We talked about posting a personals ad, which my wife actually did for me on Craigslist (scary!), and even got a couple of promising responses, but I've quickly come to the realization that I don't want to go about it that way. It feels very forced to me.

So, for the time being, I'm stuck being a mono. That's not what either of us want, but it's looking like it may be the case for the foreseeable future.

My main feeling in this regard is envy, and that is not even THAT strong right now. Essentially, I'm happy that she is getting to explore this new relationship, but it's a little frustrating that I don't get to have the same experience. Yes, I get to talk to her about it, but that's still third person.

So . . . I'd like to hear from other folks who have been in my place. Any words of encouragement?

Thanks . . .

Mac
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  #2  
Old 08-19-2009, 05:41 AM
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Craigslist? ew yuck patooey
lol
There are definitely better places to look. Try www.polymatchmakers.com. I found out about them through here actually and they are set up like a forum but also have the matchmaking search engines to go through profiles. It's free so it wouldn't hurt. And if anything, you might make some more new friends on the forums like you have here.
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Old 08-19-2009, 01:01 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Ya I agree Craigslist is too forced. It may be alright for swinging/sex connections, but if that's not what you're into then I would explore other options.
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Old 08-19-2009, 01:24 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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I think you just have to do what single people do. Go out and network. Join a hobby group and talk to people. There are some hobbies that are more likely to be poly friendly than others. Like sci-fi, pagan and alternative sex groups are very poly friendly.

Or find a semi-local poly group in your area and visit them. But go with the idea of being friends. Let it develop into a relationship. You don't want to be that creepy guy sizing everyone up.

It is also not the worst thing if it takes you longer to find someone to date. It will pay long term for you to be more picky about who you date.

Good luck.
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Old 08-19-2009, 02:40 PM
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My husband was also envious of my sucess over finding mono. It really did work to go out there and meet people, work on his own stuff and slowly be a part of the local poly community. It worked for all of us in the end to find like minded people and now he has all kinds of prospects.
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Old 08-19-2009, 04:11 PM
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Talked to my husband as we drove to work today. He really suggested that you all take baby steps. He reminded me of the upheaval when reality set in after awhile and I really got caught up in NRE. One new relationship at a time is best as eventually it all gets complicated and there needs to be some space and time. There won't be any if you are both new to poly and in new relationships.

He suggested that you use your new found alone time to work on yourself, as I said before. He said it is like being a bachelor again in away and that takes adjusting to.

"Small bites" into poly for him made for greater comfort and stability in the long run.
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  #7  
Old 08-19-2009, 06:04 PM
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It's funny, because I'm looking at all of you guys and thinking "Well, at least you're going into this with partners who support you"

I don't have anyone to date at the moment and no partner to support me in my journey. So there's where my envy lies.
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Old 08-19-2009, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
It's funny, because I'm looking at all of you guys and thinking "Well, at least you're going into this with partners who support you"

I don't have anyone to date at the moment and no partner to support me in my journey. So there's where my envy lies.
I'm in the same boat.
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Old 08-20-2009, 10:52 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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Default thank you

JRiver,
I will do this.
Thank you,
Catfish
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Old 11-15-2009, 09:28 PM
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Default Envy vs. Jealousy

It's funny. I have spent alot of time thinking about Ouroboros and other women, trying to wrap my head around what I am feeling and why, and I recently had an interesting dichotomy of feelings.

Sometimes, I am envious of him. In my mind, I am happy for him, but sad that I cannot participate... that I don't have the same fun... I feel left out. But, at the same time, It puts a smile on my face to think that he is having a good time.

Others - I am jealous and angry. Particularly, this occurs when I think about him with the woman he broke previous relationship boundaries with. This makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ok with him seeing her.

Any thoughts?
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