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Old 11-20-2013, 08:48 PM
Doleshalvik Doleshalvik is offline
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This is an update on this year's International Academic Polyamory Conference, happening on the campus of the University of California, Berkeley, California, (USA) Feb 21-23. [The official name is "The International Conference on Monogamy and Nonmonogamy"].

The main focus of this event is on the academic/scientific presentations. Anyone with an interest in matters related to polyamory and consensual nonmonogamy is invited to attend. Although some of these presentations may be a little too cerebral for some people, most of them are not. Last year, even most non-academic types found most of them quite interesting and informative. (It was intriguing to discover there are active polyamory-type movements in most European countries, Australia, and elsewhere in the world, and that in at least some places, the resistance to consensual nonmonogamy is not quite as intense, or at least does not take the same form - as in the United States. (But in some countries, the resistance is much greater). Good to get some fresh perspectives.

Most of the academic presenter spots are spoken for, but final decisions have not been made yet, and we are still taking proposals for presentations. I'd really like to get as much material related to consensual nonmonogamy happening outside of the United States as possible, and related to perspectives other than the dominant, middleclass, mainstream US culture. We've already got some material of this type, but we'd like more. If you want to do a presentation, please do get your proposal to me ASAP!

Note also that there is also a track of "Public Education " presentations, geared more for the general public and regular polyamorous crowd. These include topics of interest to poly people, such as dealing with jealousy, communication issues, STDs, and other practical issues. Its a good, safe place to meet a large number of other people with a serious interest in things like polyamory, open relationships, and consensual nonmonogamy. These sessions turned out to be very popular last year. We had a packed house for these public education sessions, and people had a great time. Looks like its shaping up to be even more fun this year.

This years website:


There are five sessions this year. The Friday night session (Feb 21) is geared for Psychology/Social workers/Therapist types, but anyone is welcome to attend. Many of these presenter spots are spoken for, but we still have at least one opening.

The main academic sessions are on Saturday. Feb 22. This is the main core of the event. Most of these presentations will be standard types of psychological and sociological studies, but we are trying to attract presentations from as a wide variety of discipines as possible. NOTE: Student presentations are also very welcome!

Notice that this year we are also having a session for presentations related to Literature/Folklore/Mythology/Media studies.

Like last year, we are also having a "Public Education session" for presentations geared to the general population.

The political discussion and sessions related to polyactivism are all happening on Sunday. The Political session is being run as a distinct event through a separate website, but its at the same place on the same weekend.

{NOTE: We have no information about the polyamory movement in Africa, or how things may be playing out there compared with the rest of the world. Anybody have a presentation about this they'd like to do?]

In its most recent form, the call for papers looks like this:

"This event will be devoted to presentations of scientific and academic research related to polyamory, open relationships, swinging, other forms of consensual nonmonogamy, and related subjects. Presentations will cover various topics that offer some possible progress to a deeper and more complete understanding of the phenomenon of consensual nonmonogamy. Issues related to both nonmonogamous and monogamous relationships will be explored from an interdisciplinary perspective, in as objective and unbiased a manner as possible.

We strive to make this a strongly interdisciplinary conference. Presentations can include not only psychological research and sociological surveys, but also sociocultural studies, anthropological research, political analysis, historical studies, future projections, or other any other types of research related to the subject of consensual nonmonogamy. Analysis of artistic material, media studies, folklore, and mythology will also be considered.

Preference is for completed projects, but works in progress will also be welcome. Emphasis is on original work not published or previously presented, but exceptions may be made for material deemed especially relevant to the theme of the event. Papers and projects from graduate and undergraduate students will also be considered.

Papers will be published after the conference in online proceedings with a confirmed ISBN number/reference. There will no length limit for submissions, but the presentations will be limited to 30 minutes, with ten minutes dedicated to questions, answers, and discussion following each presentation. Proposed presenters are encouraged to send inquires as early as possible.

This an update about the meeting of polyamorous political activists happening on Feb 23, 2014, in Berkeley, California (USA). We had a good crowd last year (about 50 people), and it was very productive, so we are doing it again this year.

Much of significance seems to be happening on the political front that concerns poly people.

For instance, in California, a few weeks back, the state legislature approved a law making it legal for a child to have three (or more) legal parents, and the law was signed by the Governor. Although the issues that inspired this law were not specifically related to polyamory, the existence of such a law has obvious implications for poly families. (Several other jurisdictions currently have similar laws, and more may be under consideration).

In Oregon, a judge recently granted legal custody of a child to an openly polyamorous family - despite the court being fully aware of the polyamorous character of the family. The court did this over the vocal objections of people who were fiercely against the idea.

In countries such as Brazil and Holland, government officials have legally sanctioned domestic partnerships that include three or more people. In Kenya, a woman officially married two simultaneous husbands, with the full knowledge and blessing of both husbands. (The jury is still out on whether the Kenyan government will ultimately accept this or not).

There are several lawsuits in various stages attempting to decriminalize polygamy in the US, Canada, and elsewhere. Most of these are driven by Mormon polygamists, not polyamorous people, and the outcome remains uncertain. However, the way this all eventually plays out could have profound implications for polyamorous people.

There have already been several articles in very conservative publications lamenting that polyamory has already made remarkable progress towards becoming a mainstream phenomena.

It seems that polyamory has recently become a favorite new topic of many Christian Right Wing commentators. It is not clear what is going on, but suddenly it seems they want to talk about polyamory much more than they used to. The basic spin seems to be that since the Religious Right has more or less completely failed in its efforts to prohibit same-sex marriage, they seem to be shifting gears, regrouping and trying to put the best face on this defeat by claiming it only proves they were right all along by warning that legalizing Gay marriage would open the door to legalizing poly marriage.

Is there really a movement intending to legalize poly marriage? If so, who is behind it? Is this something that is possible to achieve? Is it something the poly community wants to achieve? Is it something poly people should be putting effort into? Or might there more productive ways we could focusing our efforts?

It seems that the time has come to talk of many things, and with that in mind, we have scheduled our next polyamorous political conclave in Berkeley, California on Feb 23, 2014. (This is immediately following the International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Nonmonogamy, but it is technically a separate event, and require a separate registration process).

Interested in participating? Want to offer your input about poly political activism? Got an interesting project you want to tell the rest of us about? Need some support for your own polyactivism efforts? Interested in sharing your ideas? Want to offer your support to other poly activists? Interested in making a presentation? We would like to have as wide a range of perspectives as possible. The schedule is still being put together, but we still have a few presenter slots open. If you want to attend, contact me ASAP!






Last edited by Emm; 11-20-2013 at 11:22 PM. Reason: There doesn't need to be two threads about the same thing in the same place.
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Old 11-21-2013, 05:53 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
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Default Good to Hear

I joined the yahoo group last year, but didn't do much in the form of participation.

These are important times -- possibly the most important times -- as there are definitely power struggles going on that have less to do polyamory and more to do with polytics, and those seeking to profit or use these movements for personal or familiar gains.

My opinion is that it is not wise to find faults in other relationship dynamics in order to justify polyamory. Polyamory needs no justification, polyamory is no less morally upright than monogamy. When people try to distance themselves or make it an issue of any relationship style is right and another is wrong, it creates problems. Too often it seems to become an issue of poly against monogamy, which I believe hinders progress, as one is not right and the other not wrong

so long as the relationships are formed between fully knowledgeable, consenting adults, I believe it is deleterious to frown upon other's dynamic that you are not a part of.

Too often I have witnessed both online and in real life that "communities" which you would think would be open minded and accepting of those who follow simple, basic tenets (knowledgeable, fully consenting adults) however the groups who have been wrongly marginalized by society can be many times worse in the wrongful discrimination towards those who do not choose the same style of relationships. Too often they are many times more controlling, afflicting, and manipulative or relationships they are not personally involved with, which is not to say that groups should be prevented from splitting off into their own close knit clicks, or that they should not be allowed to engage in adolescent and pre-adolescent antics, however it is disheartening when egos and pissing contests of claiming a "right" way by making others "wrong"

Especially in the online realm, where often discussions take the form of belittling in unstated, subtle ways or hidden sarcasm. It is evident in most of the poly forums, boards and blogs, and those are the conversations that often detract from the progress which has been a long, long time coming.

It almost seems like the ones who engage in such tactics, would rather ployamory remain taboo, because when it is, there is an belief that certain bad behaviors must be accepted as there is no alternative

I believe it is important to be mindful that societies or communities purge itself of the wrongful discrimination. It does no good to clear the air, if it is just going to be re-polluted by afflicting non-conforming persons who dare to live alternatively to tradition. It is not OK to afflict others who truly are doing no harm.

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-21-2013 at 05:56 PM.
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Old 11-21-2013, 07:18 PM
Doleshalvik Doleshalvik is offline
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Default Importance of Not Forcing Polyamory on Others

My take on the resistance to same-sex marriage is that much of it stemmed from the fear that it would be something imposed even on those who wanted nothing to do with it. For instance, a major source of the most passionate opposition in many jurisdictions was from people who feared that Catholic priests might be forced to preside over gay weddings even though their personal conscience and official church policies forbid such actions, or that local Baptist churches would be legally forced to rent their facilities out for gay weddings to be held in them, even when the congregation was against it. However, once they were assured that these things would not happen, a significant portion of the opposition evaporated. This did not make ALL of the opposition vanish, but it did remove a big chunk of it - enough so that in many cases a law legalizing gay marriage passed instead of being voted down.

I suspect a similar force is operating in the opposition to polyamory. There is a portion of the population who interprets toleration of polyamory as meaning that monogamous relationships will now be condemned and treated in a derogatory fashion, and those wishing to practice monogamy will now be interfered with, harassed, and frustrated in some significant ways. To the extent the "promotion" of polyamory is presented as something that will inevitably "replace" monogamy, with monogamy no longer being a viable option for those who want it, polyamory will probably be fiercely and passionately resisted. In contrast, to the extent polyamory is presented as merely one more option to be made available to those who DO want it, but that will not prevent monogamous people from doing what they want, the resistance will probably be substantially less fierce.
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:02 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Location: Middle of Oregon
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Default I have no idea what you are talking about

there was never a resistance to same sex marriage for the reasons you described. Churches -- at least in America -- have the religious freedoms to conduct or not conduct their ceremonies for whoever they want. Never has there been any threat whatsoever that a Churches rights would be infringed upon

Perhaps if a religious sect was running a school that received funds from tax revenue, otherwise religious institutions can be as exclusive as they want

Do you honestly believe that people who choose monogamy over polyamory, specifically the ones in the United States who reject the framework of LAW as written in the Constitution and intentionally withhold certain right, benefits, and privileges, do so because they are scared the polyamory

"inevitably "replace" monogamy, with monogamy no longer being a viable option for those who want it"


I don't think that is the case at all.

First of all, I don't think it is a legitimate fear, but for the sake of argument, lets say that is, do you honestly feel that that is an obstacle towards people being able to freely and openly have poly relationships without afflicted consequence?

you are free to subscribe to that theory, but unrecognized hatred is the obvious reason to me.

And no, opposition to same sex marriage has NOT evaporated, but families will receive their rights, privileges and benefits exactly as the Constitution explicitly states as a guarantee, and poly families will also. The fastest way to bring this about, is to educate people who have trouble recognizing the differences between Love and Hate, Honesty and Dishonesty, Truth and Lies, Wrong and Right, Justice and Injustice, and to teach people the Responsibilities that cannot be separated from each Freedom and Liberty exercised or taken, and finally the wisdom to understand how, why, when and where Respect must be substituted when there is an absence of Love

to put an end to unjust wars

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-21-2013 at 08:09 PM.
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:11 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Location: Middle of Oregon
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Default Nice profile name by the way

Do you write for the same publication as my all time favorite poly author?

can you guess who that is?
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:34 PM
Doleshalvik Doleshalvik is offline
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Default Importance of Not Forcing Polyamory on Others

I don't know how unrealistic fears of this sort actually are, but they do exist.
As for the resistance to Same-sex marriage over this sort of thing, it has definitely been real and been a force to contend with. I don't have the information at my fingertips, but I was told by people in the thick of things that much of the delay in getting same-sex marriage legalized in places like extremely liberal Rhode Island, Maine, Vermont, and Maryland was they had to specifically write passages into the law that exempted religious groups from being forced to conduct such ceremonies, and it evidently took several years of haggling before they could work out the wording that was explicit enough to satisfy the churches.And until they did, even many of the strong supporters of gay marriage would not endorse the proposed legislation.

The way nearly all by-laws of churches are written, anyone who is a member in good standing has the right to use the church for their own wedding for a nominal fee, and have the church minister preside. Technically, that means if a pair of closeted gays who were members suddenly applied to use their Baptist Church building for their gay wedding, and insisted the local pastor perform it, the church would be legally obliged to let them do so, or face a lawsuit.Such things have happened.

For polyamory, the fear seems to be of a subtler form, but it's there. Much of it seems to revolve around the fears and insecurities about what one's "committed monogamous" partner would do if polyamory were an acceptable option - would they stay monogamous with you, or want to be involved with others? There is an unacknowledged fear that the only thing that makes many people agree to be in monogamous relationships in the first place is that the surrounding society has severe taboos on every other kind of relationship. The implication is that if you remove that cultural taboo and fear and shame, guilt, and embarrassment associated with it, few people would still agree to monogamy. If so, that would make it much harder for those who are wanting to have monogamy to find a suitable and willing partner who would allow monogamy to be enforced on them, and/or to keep an established monogamous relationship going.

How realistic those fear are is difficult to say, but they do seem to lurk beneath a significant portion of the more noble-sounding and abstract philosophical and high-minded moral objections that some people make against polyamory.

Last edited by Doleshalvik; 11-21-2013 at 08:38 PM.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:16 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Location: Middle of Oregon
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Default I am not trying to insult you

or belittle you

but if you are involved with the organizing of such events, esp in you have any say in the material presented, you might want to honestly and thoroughly think about these subjects, the smooth route is preferred to the rough and troubled route. You should be grateful you don't need to travel the worst route possible -- the same situation women, non-caucasian, LGBT people all had to face -- and because of their bravery the road is in many ways all but paved

I understand that this sort of information isn't easy to get a hold of, there is so little research done regarding these specific topics.

but honestly, if it wasn't either unrecognized hatred, or else being upset because they didn't believe they that it was possible to put your foot down and stand their ground and say NO! who I am is not wrong

Besides the fact that nobody can force a priest, pastor, of justice of the peace, to preform a marriage if they are not wiling to do it, it just isn't true.

And if that were really it, or if it were honestly about them thinking allowing same sex couple to marry will destroy or harm the sanctity of marriage, so they could call them "civil unions" and quit withholding their God Given Rights guaranteed by the Constitution

it's all just excuses and BS talk used as a cover for hate, it's no different unique form of bigotry, but you could catch them red handed with cake all over the face, or doing some horrible wrong like physically attacking or just any other malicious act really, and they will always deny it,

because that's who they are, they don't like themselves, so others become a easy target to direct that hatred. Some people you can teach to understand the truth, and some you cannot, because they choose not to

and there is nothing you can do about it.

as far as the theories about fearing that removing the taboo from the practice of polyamory will cause all spouses to either become poly or loose their spouse to someone who is, NO , I promise you that is not true and not based in reality,

however bigoted people will try to get you to believe such lies, it is only bigoted people who believe that if it was alright for their spouse to have a mixed race relationship, then they are screwed because every white guy knows the taboo is the only thing keeping their white girlfriend with them

it's not true

the same as it is not true that the only reason people oppose the removal of the homosexual taboo. Is it because they think their spouse or girlfriend will suddenly be homosexual and leave you for someone who is their gender?

it's NOT real,

I edited this reply because I was a little harsh on you for what you choose to believe, because it is my belief that accepts excuses for bigotry enables it, they will always have a seemingly logical reason to wrongfully discriminate, it is part of the disease that is to confuse love for hate. That's what that disease does and it begins when you pretend that you don't see the difference between honesty and dishonesty, truth and lies, and it's a dangerous slope as soon as you take liberties or exercise freedom without living up to those responsibilities which cannot be separated from each freedom and liberty.

Hope that all makes sense


I just read some of the posts from the site you linked, I just want to reiterate, to please consider whether you really want your position to be one of poly vs mono. Not only does it create problems that didn't exist, but it is buying in to the bigotry mentality that you need a reason to desire to live your life polyamorously.

You don't need any reason, it is NOT wrong, love is not amoral, loving a person will also be moral.

I know it's hard to not want to retaliate for all the problems people have had to suffer because being poly meant you could be afflicted by the confused people in a society who thought they were doing "the right thing"

but trust me, it is not worth it, and I speak from experiencing affliction from both sides of the fence, on just about every topic. Obviously you are free to schedule the event around any topic you want, I am just suggesting that you give it a second thought, because polys could very easily gain more acceptance than the most optimistic poly has ever dreamed of, and because of the work down by those who faced wrongful discrimination before you, you could backwards into it.

Just please make sure that you viewpoint doesn't contain the same problem of not recognizing hatred, or the mistake of masking hatred with subtlety, it makes things worse in the long run

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-22-2013 at 05:01 AM.
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