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Old 11-10-2013, 06:04 PM
Jigglydn Jigglydn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1
Default Lost Hurt and dont know what to do.

I am totally lost here, and dont know what to do, I guess you might have picked that up from the title but here is my story.

I have dated my now wife for 5 years, we married back in September.
she has never really been a one man girl, She mostly just met guys on the internet and did the internet and did the whole internet dating thing on line, and I was always ok with this. then about 6 months ago she found out about Polyamory and brought this to my attention, after she did some research and reading and what nots she felt that this is who she is, so I naturally looked into it because i wanted to understand how she felt and all that. she told me she wanted to be open and honest about who she was dating and I agreed to try this out. Me being in love and only wanting her I told her that this is ok for her to do, but I am only wanting to be with you.
she met some one about a month before are wedding day, and all was ok, she would go out with her boyfriend a few times a week, and I was ok with this.

well then we got married and the night after are wedding she went to go out with her bf and in the 2 months since we have been married she has spent a total of 2 whole nights with just me, every night she is going out with her bf.

that is a tough pill to swollow but i am ok with this to a point.
Then I find out that this guy is using her, she is buying him expensive gifts, and just plain being a general jack ass.

they got into an argument and it spilled over to me where my wife was crying at me for this guy being the way he was.

this happened about 3 or 4 times over a 2 week span.

i sat by and let it happen. i figured all relationships have ups and downs.

well on this final one that was really bad, she cried at me i hugged her and told that she should end it, she agreed, "she did", and no more then 12 hours later she hugged me and told me she was going out with her bf, but she was not getting back together with him, I knew this is total bs, but I let it slide,

she is still going out every night, and this has been a week since, I am hurt that sat there and gave a caring sholder to her and i felt like she just shit on my face by going back to this man, I told her I dont like it, and I wish her to stop seeing this guy, but my words go un heard,

some one please tell me i am being selfish and I should man up and take it. or should I stand up and tell her that this is not right.
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Old 11-11-2013, 08:28 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Definitely. You need to put your foot down now.
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Old 11-11-2013, 01:01 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,555

You need to negotiate some boundaries with her. Even though she is in NRE (new relationship energy time) with this guy, she doesn't get to neglect your needs to such an extent. Sounds like she is hardly ever home, and when she is, she spends all her time with you talking about him. Why do you let her treat you this way? What kind of a marriage is this?

Whether she stay with or breaks up with this guy, she's got another relationship she is in. Most poly people are aware that it's important to nurture all their relationships, not just focus on one and leaving the other one, especially their "primary" (spouse, person they share a house and finances with) sitting along more often that not. I am not sure why you married her in the first place, if she's always so focused on other men.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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