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Old 11-05-2013, 05:25 AM
Triskelle Triskelle is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
Default It's a thing!

My husband recently came to me after seeing an article on polyamory and said "hey! It's a thing!" (Meaning this shared love thing he and I and my boyfriend are doing.) I started surfing and found this forum. So so glad I did.

My husband and I have been married 17 years and have 3 sons (16,10,6) We have always had a complicated sex life. I felt so much guilt for YEARS for not being able to surrender to him sexually. I wanted him to have a fulfilling sex life. I went as far as to suggest that he might find another woman to play with.

Then 2 years ago, completely by suprise, it was ME that fell in love with another man. I was complety twitterpated and after 20 years of feeling sexually dysfuntional and even frigid at times, my sex came back to me! I shared my journey with my husband and we have weathered many discussions about jealousy. He has amazed me with his capacity to see nuance where others see none.

So now we three in this V are finding our way. Carefully and Lovingly. There are a few hitches I hope this forum might help me overcome...

1. My wonderful generous husband is having no sex :-( He and I may work it out, but I can never go back to sex the way it was.

2. We have casually talked about having my boyfriend move in. It would be heavenly (for me) to have all my loved ones under the same roof. And there are undeniable benefits to communal living. We could finally fix the bathroom sink, for example ;-)

How do other families navigate this? Who sleeps where? And with whom?

Thank You for being here!
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Old 11-05-2013, 05:31 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519

Curious.....supposing your boyfriend fell in love with another woman, maybe even wanted to get married? Would you be okay with his girlfriend/wife living in the same house? It's tricky having someone move in. .... hard to draw back from that one. ... just be sure it's what you really want.
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Old 11-05-2013, 05:48 AM
Triskelle Triskelle is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 3

Well so far both my husband and bf identify as mono so I haven't considered that option.. But I will add it to the things we must discuss. Realistically cohabitation would be at least a year away which gives us lots of planning time. I love to escape to my bf's apartment, but I do miss my kids horribly when they don't come along.

(And of course as soon as I posted my post I found a wonderful thread where Redpepper addresses all of this.)
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:44 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 669

So - so far your husband identifies as mono. You won't have sex with him because you don't like the sort of sex that he likes. For the moment, he's celibate by choice?

Is sex just not important to him? Or are you and he waiting until your kids are older before he finds a mono girlfriend of his own and you and he shift your relationship to one of friendship? Or are things just not clear yet?

Wishing you all luck.

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Old 11-05-2013, 10:09 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default Might be moving a little fast

but I think the best plans for cohabitation are to build. What families do is put several dwellings on one plot. Several taller two story square footage space efficient dwellings can be built to replace any square footage hogging ranch style home if zoning allows.

I have scene some very well designed multi family properties, and not that I have experience blending families, but having more than one dwelling would allow for better separation of space. Things don't have to be going sour to enjoy quiet time off by yourself. In fact it makes more functional sense to me even if you aren't blending families.

How many mono marriages wouldn't have ended in divorce if there had been just a second dwelling for an activity space to for kids of for the adults of any household
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:21 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

For some, moving fast works, for some not. We moved really fast, after everyone was aware that I loved my husband and my boyfriend and moved in together after some months. It worked really well for 2+ years by now and isn't likely to change any time soon

Our journey is on here as well, if you like to have a look (see signature - blog). As you three are already talking, just keep at it. Find out what everyone wants and is comfortable with and you will find the best solution

Good luck and welcome to the forum.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:13 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,791

I am the hinge between my husbands.

We handle things by having two separate households. I travel between the two. My time is split as close to 50/50 as I can get. The days Butch works my sons go with me for weekends or days when they are out of school.

Murf comes over on occasion and sees me at the other house. But I try to make sure each man has their own territory.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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