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Old 08-06-2009, 11:12 PM
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Default Sexual Ethics

What kinds of sexual activity or relationship are morally or ethically inappropriate?

What kinds of sexual activity should be socially discouraged? And why?

This topic originates from a conversation in this other thread.:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...1&postcount=17
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:19 PM
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Some resources on sexual ethics:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_ethics

http://www.askphilosophers.org/?q=&c...list=Questions
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:19 AM
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This question is for all who want to answer it -- and isn't directed at anyone in particular.:

Does the thought of two sisters (or brothers) dating the same guy (or gal) ... rub you the wrong way?

Should such a practice be socially discouraged?

If yes, why?
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:34 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It isn't about the person dating the two relatives. It's about... how could one sibling put their mouth where the other sibling's cock or pussy has been (with or without condoms and douches and showers).

That is my glitch.

And there are plenty of other people in the world, it's not like you won't find "enough" love to be had.

To carry it one step further - it wouldn't be OK to simultaneously be involved with the same person one of my parents (or children, which along with siblings I also do not have), and I would by extension not do so with any member of my hhusband's immediate family.

However, I don't think these things should be illegal. I do not think that folks caught up in this type of situation are sick PEOPLE; but I do think it is an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic, in addition to the visceral aversion I described above (and in the other thread). I just cannot find it in myself to be empathetic about this.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-07-2009 at 02:37 AM.
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:03 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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For me, sexual ethics can simply be boiled down to the concept that it is ok for concenting adults to do anything as long as they harm no one. The grey area is in cases where there is hard. In those grey areas, I apply the golden rule (rule of reciprocity) to all involved to decide if it is ethical.

For example, conservatives complain that they are harmed by the knowledge that homosexuals are enganing in sex. However, I find the harm to be more minimal and lacking of internal insight, that I can easily dismiss it. I find this applies to most casesof "harmed by knowledge of existance" claims.

A lot of the time, when I feel a strong emotional response towards a situation, I have to really analysize it and think on the issue. One way I do it is to imagine the extremes. If my opinion changes from one extreem to asnother, I need to understand where I draw the line and why.

As an easy example, how do I feel about underaged sex? My first reaction is say it is wrong because they need an adult mentality to deal with it well. But I remember being young and wanting sex... Am I being unfair because I know it doesn't relate to me anymore? So one thing I do is see where the taboo lines are and why.

One major area is age difference. Society is more ok with a 17 and a 16 year old having sex than a 35 and a 16 year old. Why? We worry about the younger one being manipulated easily since they do not have a well established sexual identity. One example of this is from the Twilight series. My wife hates old men coming on to old women, but in that book a 90 year old guy wants to have a relationship with a young girl in high school. That did not bother my wife, so I asked her, "Why?" She said that the book did a good job of portraying the man as a 17 year old boy. In other words, he did not manipulate her with his 90 years of knowledge.

Incest is a tough one as well. The harm areas is that it could be a continuation of a childhood sexual identity issue and genetic problems with children. As an example where I was ok with incest, I heard about a man and woman getting married and later finding out that they were really siblings. However, they grew up as strangers. So to me, as long as they did not have biological children, it would be ok. In reality, I believe they annulled their marriage.

But that being said, I am not overly judgemental unless I see serious harm. For example, I know some people who have cheated on their spouse and I believe that they should not. However, I feel that is for them to decide what to do. A place where I will probably be judgemental is something like a person keeping a STD hidden from their lover.
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:33 PM
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DestinyWaits DestinyWaits is offline
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Quath, you are wise in your words and I must say that I tend to agree with your point. It is not for us to judge the actions of others, it is for them to judge for themselves. If we start looking at the actions of others and saying "that's wrong" when it is their belief then we are no better than the zealots who burned the innocents in the Salem witch hunts. We are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs and so long as no one is being hurt then I say live and let live.
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Old 08-12-2009, 01:55 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
As an easy example, how do I feel about underaged sex? My first reaction is say it is wrong because they need an adult mentality to deal with it well. But I remember being young and wanting sex... Am I being unfair because I know it doesn't relate to me anymore? So one thing I do is see where the taboo lines are and why.
I've always understood that adolescence involves a lot of practice for being an adult. Teens put on personas to try them on for size. They try different types of activities to find those that fit. They experiment with life--and sex is part of that. I fear a lack of development if an adolescent isn't interested in sex.

Sexual activity ranges from snogging to petting to masturbation to oral sex to penetration and all variations thereof. I expect teens to experiment with all of that at some point as preparation for being an adult. I really don't care with whom they experiment, as long as it is consensual and nobody's trying to take advantage of somebody else's inexperience and naivete. I also don't worry if they get disappointed or heartbroken in the process--welcome to the human experience!

Pedophilia involves children who are simply physically not ready for sex at all, let alone being of an age to where they're practicing for adulthood, so that one I think is firm. Incest can lead to severe inbreeding and birth defects, so that's always a concern; it can also interrupt the regular functioning of a family, so I think it still something to be very wary of. I suspect many of the other sexual taboos we have arise from the ease with which things can go horribly wrong--preying on somebody's innocence for an unhealthy relationship.

So, while I think some of our taboos--adolescent sex, for instance (which is a fairly recent taboo, actually)--aren't necessarily warranted, some others appear to be highly useful.

Yeah, I know, this had squat to do with poly. It was just something that kept banging on the door to get out of my head as part of the discussion. We now return you to posts that might actually discuss sexual ethics as relating to polyamory....
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:06 AM
urmila urmila is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
This question is for all who want to answer it -- and isn't directed at anyone in particular.:

Does the thought of two sisters (or brothers) dating the same guy (or gal) ... rub you the wrong way?

Should such a practice be socially discouraged?

If yes, why?
an emperuc NO, it is perfectly ok for siblings dating the same person, i dont find anything wrong about and the society at large has nothing to say about, and it cant even be termed as incest

Also i agree completely with Barry abour what acts should be discouraged and should never be excused

Last edited by urmila; 02-22-2012 at 07:12 AM. Reason: assition
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:37 PM
Barry Barry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
What kinds of sexual activity should be socially discouraged? And why?
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...1&postcount=17
After reading over the excellent posts by others in this thread I realized that the topical areas are ones that we would naturally gravitate toward. They are all important, incest, underage sex, prostitution, even infidelity. And each one of these topics, if viewed both culturally, and historically, have been at times both embraced by mankind and rejected. The things I think of immediately when posed with the question, "what sexual activity should be discouraged?" are acts of brutality. Whether they be true sexual acts, or acts perpetrated within the parameters of sex activity,........ rape, murder and torture, regardless of the age or sex of the victim, should never be tolerated; should never be excused.
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