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Old 08-06-2009, 07:52 AM
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Default Guilt!

Does anyone ever have any guilt about their poly happiness, whether it be over wanting a partner more sometimes than the other, about being so content with their situation, about not having the same amount of time as you once had for other people in your life,....Anything really,,,, anyone?
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:48 AM
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I unfortunately can't answer this one well, I don't do the guilt thing as my mother raised me never to feel guilty over something that makes me happy just to learn from any mistakes that happen, if any do, and try not to make the same mistakes over again. (I'm hoping that didn't sound snooty )
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Does anyone ever have any guilt about their poly happiness, whether it be over wanting a partner more sometimes than the other, about being so content with their situation, about not having the same amount of time as you once had for other people in your life,....Anything really,,,, anyone?

I cant say that I do right now. But Im not "living my poly happiness" as such yet.

Ask me again in 6 months.
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Old 08-06-2009, 07:25 PM
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No.
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Old 08-06-2009, 07:29 PM
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I did in the V. At first. At the end I mourned openly and let my hubby hold me while I cried, guilt free. I'd probably feel guilty for something or other should a new relationship start. But I'm sure I'd work through it.

(Redpepper what are you avoiding doing today? I see alot of posts by you. I tend to post alot when avoiding chores. lol )
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Old 08-06-2009, 09:52 PM
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MY guilt resides in how happy and secure I am within our relationship. As I get more comfortable and secure I get hit by waves of feeling I am taking away something from your husband. Seeing you both together and spending time as a group sedates this feeling. Our group "family" time is very important to my feeling like a positive.

I also experience guilt in my not being open to you exploring intimate relationships with other men even though this is currently not an issue. I'm not talking deep friendships, which we both know is an issue within the traditionally mono world, but sexual relationships. To ease this I focus on the level of commitment I am offering over the long haul. I also remind myself that I am not asking you to become monogamous by any means, but am asking you to be polyfidelous within our life with regards to your men. We don't know what will happen in the future or how we will each change, but as it is now, this is what I need to be healthy and move forward so I am willing to suffer a little guilt in this area
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Old 08-07-2009, 04:34 AM
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I feel some guilt when people are jealous of what I have. I'm not sure why that is as I have worked damned hard and am a really good judge of character when picking people to be in my life.

I feel guilt that my parents don't know as I know they suspect something. I am torturing them I think. I'm sure they think that I am having an affair and that Mono is around because he wants to take me away from my family.

I feel guilty that I am so in love with Mono some days that I just want to be with him and don't want to go home.

I feel guilty that I am so in love with my husband some days and don't want to leave the house.

I feel guilty that I even think that I can add anyone else to my crazy life and that I will still have time for the ones I hold near and dear right now. They will all have to adjust for me... I hate that.

I feel guilty that I am too busy to clean the house so my husband does it.

I feel guilty that I have little time for my art.

Shall I go on.

I grew up in a family with a mother that martyred herself. She felt a lot of guilt and has nicely passed it on to me... thanks Mom!
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Old 08-07-2009, 04:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I feel guilty that I am so in love with my husband some days and don't want to leave the house.

I feel guilty that I even think that I can add anyone else to my crazy life and that I will still have time for the ones I hold near and dear right now. They will all have to adjust for me... I hate that.
Never feel guilty for being so in love with your husband..ever.

No one has to do anything for anyone...this is a relationship, not a trap. We will all do what it takes to be healthy regardless of the adaptations to our relationship. The key is maintaining a healthy connection in whatever form the relationship takes over time.

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 08-07-2009 at 06:28 AM.
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Old 08-08-2009, 05:50 AM
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Quote:
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I grew up in a family with a mother that martyred herself. She felt a lot of guilt and has nicely passed it on to me... thanks Mom!
Hey, man - don't be a slave to your upbringing! Although I can't talk because I have allowed the way my mom 'was' to dictate the way I 'am' - but I strive to acknowledge those things every day, every time I do them and slowly change them.

As far as I can tell, you have nothing to feel guilty about. But if you feel strongly that you should feel guilt then perhaps some deep thought (or meditation if you are into that sort of thing) will bring to light what the REAL issue is.

What is guilt, anyway? The feeling that we have done something wrong. Have you done anything Wrong? And what, specifically? Did it affect anyone or do you just Think it did/might?

About feeling guilty for being happy - that is SILLY!! Stop it!! You have every right to be happy doing whatever you are doing. If someone else has a problem with it (YES even a loved one) and wishes you to change, then THEY should feel guilty for expecting you to become UNhappy for them.
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