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Old 08-04-2009, 08:59 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Default Being by yourself

This was mentioned in another thread, and I was wondering if folks would sound off about it.

Who (besides RedPepper) is poly because they can't stand being alone? Who likes being alone despite the fact that they can be in love with more than one person at a time? What are people's thoughts about this?

I have a few minutes left before I can leave work so I am throwing this out there for discussion.

Myself, I prefer to be alone as opposed to keeping up the kind of energy required in social situations. Although I am loud and gregarious, I like to be able to escape from a situation at the drop of a hat. Therefore (and for other reasons) I don't tend to have people over to my house except maybe one or two at a time with long periods in between. When we go camping as part of a group or where there are group activities (such as dinner), I prefer to keep to myself until most of the people have left. It's not that I am shy in large groups, but i feel as though i'm expected to contribute something and if I'm "quiet" i get asked "what's the matter" a lot. I like having my husband around, but he likes social situations more than I do so I am perfectly OK with him going out to bars and other events without me. Then I ask him "How was it?" I used to think I was a people-person but trying to live up to that image was very stressful. When I let go of that and acknowledged my anti-social disposition, I felt really relieved. My husband (and also my "other guy" who I don't see now) thinks I'm a high-functioning autistic / Asperger's, but I have not sought a professional opinion about this yet. The internet gives me a level of interaction that I can tolerate and remain in touch with people. It's not so much PEOPLE that I mind, just having them around constantly is kind of irksome to me.

Time to leave work now. See you's when I get home.
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Old 08-04-2009, 09:41 PM
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River River is offline
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I don't mind being alone, and often enjoy it. I also like to share time with people, but mostly with people I have chosen to spend time with. That is, I don't much like having to hang out (or work) with people who rub me the wrong way.

I have a mild, or "sub-clinical," social anxiety problem which comes and goes as it gradually falls away. The symptoms typically appear when I'm with new people, face-to-face. It almost went away altogether recently, but certain recent events have triggered the underlying causal issues, which, not surprizingly, relates to self-esteem and confidence.
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Old 08-04-2009, 11:10 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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I'm also in the mild anxiety problems group. I don't mind certain groups of people, especially if I know them, but I definitly prefer small goups of people if I'm new, especially if they all know each other. I used to and still occasionally have a problem being out and about shopping and running errands, the anxiety will hit and I'll have to leave the building and go sit in the car until it either goes away or I go home.

But I also hate being alone, always have...I've never had to live alone, the closest I've come to it was living with another person and her son and her nephew (totally platonic, way before I knew of or thought I was poly). So technically I wasn't alone, but I did have to forge new relationships. I went to the community college and although did have two experiences with WDWCP I had 5 roommates each time so wasn't ever really alone.

I hate when my hubby has to go on the rare business trips out of state which are usually overnight stays. Although when I was staying in IL to talk to "Elric" I didn't seem to get hit with the paranoia or anxiety which usually hits me. Curious...
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Old 08-05-2009, 12:01 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I used to be highly introverted. Now I can happily operate in crowds or by myself--I actually require doses of each to keep an even keel. Too long without either one and I get anxious, which kicks in the OCD.

I'm not convinced that preferring solitude or small groups is rooted in any disorder. Some folks just prefer to interact with others in a fashion that doesn't support large groups. Perfectly social people that have to regulate their interactions and make certain they get enough time alone to reduce the sensory input. The anxiety that surfaces from too much stimulation is not, I think, due to any underlying disorder, it's just a sign of overstimulation.
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Old 08-05-2009, 12:27 AM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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I've mentioned before that I have bipolar 1 disorder. This has a great deal to do with whether I prefer to be alone or in a social setting on any given day. If I'm hypomanic or manic I can't stand being on my own. I have to be out socializing and talking and doing something active with either one person or, preferably, a group (it takes a group to keep up with me). If I'm depressed I tend to like being with just my hubby or a close friend. Being completely alone isn't good for me for long periods of time either way. My thoughts tend to get out of control with no one to bounce them off of. I've become a text message FIEND for that reason. I also suffer anxiety in large groups of unfamiliar people or on long trips alone where there are many strangers like the occasional subway ride.

I don't know that any of this contributes to my wanting another love partner but it does contribute greatly to my desire for close, affectionate, non-sexual friendships. I feel lonely if there's no one to share a loving touch with for long periods of time. My poor son is smothered. But, luckily, he's a mush like mommy so he likes my cuddles.
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Old 08-05-2009, 01:46 AM
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berserker239 berserker239 is offline
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Oddly enough, i like to be around people, listen to them talk and sometimes not say anything, sometimes i like to talk for hours. Usually im just content with laying down with my girlfriend and just listening to her talk about things. Im an odd fellow as youll all learn, haha, sometimes i dont even understand myself x)

My brother is the same way as you though, he cant stand to be around people for too long. His reasoning is different but in the end its the same
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Old 08-05-2009, 10:19 PM
Barry Barry is offline
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Default Prefer to be alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Myself, I prefer to be alone as opposed to keeping up the kind of energy required in social situations. I used to think I was a people-person but trying to live up to that image was very stressful. When I let go of that and acknowledged my anti-social disposition, I felt really relieved. My husband (and also my "other guy" who I don't see now) thinks I'm a high-functioning autistic / Asperger's, but I have not sought a professional opinion about this yet. The internet gives me a level of interaction that I can tolerate and remain in touch with people. It's not so much PEOPLE that I mind, just having them around constantly is kind of irksome to me.
I would venture to say you are neither autistic or have Asperger's syndrome. I have a lot to say about this topic but for the sake of bandwidth and respect for others I am going to "try" and give you enough information that will enable you to discover that you are you, and that is "normal." There are ways that each of us process the world around us. Those ways are dependent on who we are, and that to a large degree is shaped by innate traits or characteristics that we have from birth. It is why some people are artists, some scientists, some public speakers. True, you can step outside of those traits with effort. As you experienced that can be draining because what you are doing is going against your natural born strengths. You, and you alone would have to determine if there would be acceptable reward for going against your own personality. There has been a tremendous amount of research done on individual personalities and how each personality type processes and perceives his or her world. Kiersey developed a method to define specific personalities and Myers-Briggs added their own spin to the process. There is a test which asks a series of questions that help define who you are. It is accurate and easy to take. Once you realize your personality type then there is loads of info out there about how your specific type of personality typically lives. My guess is that you are an "I" type personality. There are several variations in this category. Google INFJ and you will get a sense of what I am talking about. The "I" personality requires alone time to regroup. It is an essential part to renewing yourself. Typically "I" personality types are thinkers heavily influenced by their feelings. The only "bad" part to this type of personality is that being unaware most people in this category suspect that there is a flaw in their character, or a weakness. It is not unusual for them to actively try and suppress the very parts of them that make them strong. In addition to very detailed descriptions of each personality type there are also references to well known people that share these same character traits. Calvin Coolidge was an INFJ. He did not socializing and did not like giving into superficial conversation, yet he became the President of the United States. He was affectionately known as "silent Cal." At one particular dinner that was held for diplomats he overheard someone say, "I bet I can make him say more than three words." His reply was, "you lose." :-) What I'm saying is don't be so quick to think the worst of yourself. If you would like I will be glad to direct you to some places where you can do your own personal research. I hope this sparked some interest.

Barry
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Old 08-05-2009, 10:44 PM
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Good words, Barry!

I especially appreciate the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. I tested as a INFP (Healer) years ago, and probably continue to be an INFP, even though I am slowly transitioning into an "ambivert" from my familiar introvert status.

http://www.keirsey.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extrave...d_introversion

I become more introverted when I feel more socially insecure and move toward ambiversion when I'm feeling more self-confidence and higher levels of self esteem -- which fluctuates, for me.

Lately, I'm back to my more introverted ways. But I expect to be more ambiverted in the future -- and hope to be!
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Old 08-05-2009, 11:42 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Gee Barry, thanks for all the free advice. I can finally move on with my life.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-05-2009 at 11:47 PM.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:04 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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You been served, YGirl!
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