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Old 10-15-2013, 10:37 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Default Coming Out to Teens

Howdy All,

I need some advice... how to successfully let your teenager know that mom and dad are happily poly.

We have been in a quad for a while now and feel that now our relationships are stable enough to discuss it with our children. Our quad do not live together but we are often hanging out whenever we have the oppty.

We want this discussion to go well, so your advice on what may have worked for you would be a huge help. Thanks in advance.

~S

Last edited by Squashking; 10-15-2013 at 10:39 PM. Reason: Grammar
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:02 AM
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BigGuy BigGuy is offline
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Kids generally don't want to know about mom and dad's sex life. I wouldn't talk to them about it unless they asked. And then I'd do it matter of factly. Not make a big deal about it. If you don't do public displays of affection as a couple now, don't start with your other.
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:27 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigGuy View Post
Kids generally don't want to know about mom and dad's sex life. I wouldn't talk to them about it unless they asked. And then I'd do it matter of factly. Not make a big deal about it. If you don't do public displays of affection as a couple now, don't start with your other.
Yep.

What exactly did you feel they ought to know beyond what they already do?
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Old 10-16-2013, 01:31 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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With our teens-we introduced them to the term polyamory and it's definition.
Then we explained that it was an important idea to us and we wanted them to know that it's ok to love more than one person.
Then we explained that if they saw whichever one of us kissing/hugging/loving on someone else that we didn't want them to think that there was a problem or a secret etc.
We let them know it was totally ok to ask questions-if they had them. But that we mostly didn't want them to feel like "oh shit I just saw mommy kissing santa clause! Do I tell dad or not?"

They all took it well (the older ones are now 21, 17, 16 and it's been 4 years).
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Old 10-16-2013, 02:31 AM
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My husband and I sat our daughter down together and told her that we wanted her to know that there was something different about our family that she didn't know, but that her older siblings did. We thought she was mature enough to know this information, but there was nothing she had to do about it. We love her very much, and we love each other very much, and we also love other people very much. Specifically, mom has a boyfriend. This is perfectly ok, and though some people might not think it was a good thing, all of us are very happy. What we have is called an open relationship. Yadda yadda yadda

We told her this only because she started asking questions suddenly, wanting to know where I had been, and really tracking my movements. I didn't want to lie to her. She is almost 16.
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Old 10-16-2013, 04:59 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
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Thanks for your comments everyone.

We certainly do not plan to discuss any intimate details, no children want/need to know any of that.

The feeling of extended family should be already present since both families are always hanging out together. So, our teen is always exposed to the love and support our quad brings to him.

So, I think we want to do is explain the richness and rewards to our non-monogamous lifestyle and that it is ok to be a little different from other families. We want him to continue to be comfortable around the other adults in our lives whom we love and to feel normal if there is a hug here or a kiss there... similar to what his mom and dad do already from time to time.

~S
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