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Old 01-24-2011, 02:39 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Default A new term maybe.

Hi everyone,

Dam isn't life funny !

In another thread here we've been back on the topic of jealousy and envy (again!)

And low & behold, in a personal situation I just witnessed how nasty this inherent capability is in us all.

And it brought to mind that maybe we need a new term in our vocabulary.

IFU - Insecurity Flare Up

I likened it to an injury that although healed, can flare up again later under the right conditions.

Read a joint injury that can resurface to a degree under the right circumstances of humidity or temperature.

Insecurity seems to be such a weakness.

Despite what we all go through to become stronger, more confident etc, it's entirely possible to have a "flare up" at some point in the future triggered by something in our environment.

Stress and major life events are common culprits in this realm. They shake us off our comfortable platform of confidence and dump us on our face. It happens to everyone I think. Then the first thing you know, old injuries can flare up. We tend to forget that those injuries were long healed. We overlook the fact that we HAVEN'T re-injured the old area. But the pain is still there, and just as real. Or so we believe.

Until maybe we take a nice hot bath, reflect back, and realize again that the pain is likely MOSTLY 'biologically remembered' pain (cellular memory - brain or otherwise).

We've just experienced IFU ! Phew !
We can put this in perspective better now that we recognize it. We know the steps that will help make it go away - or at least become bearable until it does.

GS
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Old 01-24-2011, 02:54 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Hey there GS

I have to say I rather like your new term

What you describe sounds very similar to the effect of my son's adjustment disorder... he has events which will trigger memories and insecurities and fears of his... his psychologist informed me that studies have shown that in his age group he needs a period of not less than 2 years without any triggers in order to heal completely and for the triggers to no longer trigger him...

(In a family of three females - all with their own adjustment disorders and of course pms, this healing process is not likely to happen for him - though we make every effort - his triggers are loud noises i.e yelling, slammed doors, sudden noise, and the like...)

Anyway...

I like the term Insecurity Flare Up... it is a very concise and non-judgemental way of phrasing it...
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:04 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I'm right with you on that one G.S. I think that's exactly what happened to me last week - my uncle's death, a friend outing me as bi, to my mother, via posting pics of me making out with a girl on facebook, added to the person we'd (our quad) recently come out to as poly trying to tell me how I was supposed to be feeling about a recent situation created the right circumstances for IFU.

As a result, I completely overreacted when Wendigo was angry at/ with me and took his needing some time to sort things out as I was losing him, apologized w/o ever asking what I'd done wrong, and cried myself to sleep in Wolf's arms. We talked the next day, after I'd had some time to realize that my reaction was one that I'd thought I was long since past, and I discovered that the truths I'd given him in the e-mail I sent were the straw that broke the camels back over the whole situation with said friend. We're still trying to figure out our next move where said friend is concerned, but we're all on the same page about who is to blame and where our feelings came from.

So yup, IFU, it's good to finally have a name for it and to be able to move past it.
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Old 01-24-2011, 05:52 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I see "IFU" and I think, "I fucked up."

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Old 01-24-2011, 09:03 PM
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I wouldn't have seen it as that prior to you posting it so thanks Nycindie

It's a good tool in polyamory both for the afflicted and those in the firing line. Awareness and acknowledgment that we can all have them may help others not to get triggered and react, starting what can become a chain reaction.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:39 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I like that idea!

That is precisely what we've been talking about-the need to MANAGE one's own IFU.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:21 AM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I see "IFU" and I think, "I fucked up."

There often is a correlation there isn't there

GS
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:47 AM
Del5158 Del5158 is offline
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Angry IFU indeed

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
There often is a correlation there isn't there

GS
Or it could mean "I fucked U" and that's why he/she blew up.
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