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Old 08-01-2009, 06:15 AM
strpdkit10 strpdkit10 is offline
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years, although we have known each other for 13 years. Three years into our relationship the concept of polyamory was brought up and discussed over a period of months. We did not come to any conclusions and since my boyfriend stopped bringing it up as a topic of conversation we stopped talking about it. (My boyfriend is the one who believes that he is polyamorous.)

A year and a half ago, he met someone online that interested him and he spoke with both her and her significant other about polyamory before he approached me. (According to him, he felt that since we had talked about polyamory previously he only needed to talk to me about finding a prospective partner.)

There were quite a few miscommunications on both of our parts. We're still trying to figure everything out. I'm still not comfortable with our situation and he's still wanting more than we've agreed on at this juncture.

To complicate things further, we are expecting our first child in October.

TLDR: I'm monogamous and my boyfriend believes he is polyamorous. He is currently involved in a restricted online LDR. Neither of us is happy with the situation.
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Old 08-01-2009, 03:13 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186

Welcome to the boards.

Poly rests on clear communication and explicit agreement. Having talked about something before is not that same as having an explicit agreement that something is or isn't acceptable. Unless you said it was OK for him to have other partners in those earlier conversations, it wasn't OK for him to strike up a relationship with somebody else. It's the whole "full knowledge and consent" part of polyamory.

Do you think he avoided speaking to you about it just so that he could present it as fait accompli to get you to go along with it? Is he always likely to do things without thinking them through? Does he really think simply having talked about something as a possibility means its OK?
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Old 08-01-2009, 03:20 PM
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River River is offline
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Welcome aboard, Strpdkit10. I hope this forum helps you to deal with your situation.
bi, partnered, available

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Old 08-01-2009, 05:00 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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Welcome and I hope you find some answers you need.
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.
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Old 08-01-2009, 06:13 PM
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foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
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Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
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Welcome to the group. Good luck in your journey... sounds as if there needs to be a LOT more talking between the two of you. I hope everything works out. Congrats on the wee one too
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
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Old 08-01-2009, 06:57 PM
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berserker239 berserker239 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Pottsville, Pennsylvania
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Welcome fellow noobie xD

Sounds like he either needs to compromise or deal with what hes getting. Honestly you shouldent have to compromise to even the degree you are, you cant do poly if someone is uncomfortable with it. Hes just like every other man hun, ungrateful and demanding. Tell him that your being more than nice about this and that your not comfortable with it. Take some time to learn more about it, if your bisexual your more likely to be into it.

Communication is key in a relationship, no matter how many involved
Because sometimes when you love something, you need to let it go..
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