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Old 07-29-2009, 04:58 PM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Red face Polyamoury and marriage

I don't know how much this varies elsewhere, but here in the UK I may not marry more than one person, in the eyes of the law.

In terms of traditions previous to this law, there are other types of wedding which exist but which are not legally recognised (or recognised by 'the church').

I would like to be able to get married and got engaged to one of my partners (Phoebe) at the weekend. But we do not know yet what kind of wedding we will have. We expect it will be a non-typical wedding and have plenty of time to decide.

I don;t like the idea that I can only marry one of my partners legally, and I wondered how others have got around this, adapted old traditional weddings, created their own, being married to one partner and another partner having less legal rights, etc. Do any Poly aware types of weddings exist (non religious ones I mean)

Would love to hear anything anyone has to say on this matter.

De
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:33 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Here in the US, no form of multiple marriage is legal. That, however, in no fashion precludes religious or non-religious binding ceremonies with multiple people. There's just no legal recognition of those ties.

Thus while Pagans can have handfastings with more than one person, only the legal spouse has the legal rights associated with marriage. Any other spouse, though handfasted, is not recognized by the law. It's not a matter of one partner having more spousal rights than another--one has all spousal rights and the other has none.
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:34 PM
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I am unaware of any countries in the world which allow multiple partner legal marriage. But that doesn't mean there aren't any.

As for having a non-legally binding poly- marriage cerimony, I'm sure there are lots of ways of going about it, and that the polyamory community should have plenty of resouces to draw on for inspiration.

Does anyone here know where to direct Degenerate for ideas or the experience of others?
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Old 07-30-2009, 07:46 AM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Thanks for your replies about this and I look forward to hearing anything else anyone has to offer on this subject.

De
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Old 07-30-2009, 01:26 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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I heard once of a legal poly group working to help draft legal documents that approximate a legal marriage. (You can't get all the legal rights of marriage or even of domestic partnership yet, but I think it is pretty close.) However, it is a huge amount of legal work and I imagine the cost is pretty high for it.

I figure that once gay marriage is legal, then it is time for polygamy.
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Old 07-30-2009, 02:32 PM
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Olivier Olivier is offline
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I think people look to the state too much for solutions. Personally I'm finding myself more and more distant from any form of government - it's not working for me. I also don't plan to vow my pledge towards a representative of the state, just as I'm not going to do it to a representative of a Church. The only person I would vow my pledge to would be my wife, in front of her whole family. If I vow my pledge to another potential wife, so be it. And I would probably do a sort of spiritual (really spiritual) wedding (something like a commitment together with the universe). I don't owe the state anything in my opinion, so I would just draw up contracts that would guarantee the necessary things for everyone involved.
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Old 07-30-2009, 04:04 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post

I figure that once gay marriage is legal, then it is time for polygamy.
I hate to sound like that asshole Jay Severin, but what then? People marrying their pets?

ALL legal marriage should be ABOLISHED and anyone who wants to can just make up their own independent contracts. That should level the playing field.
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Old 07-30-2009, 05:36 PM
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I think that legal marriages should exist, but between same species only...at this point. But contracts would definitly be the way to go. Then the individuals involved can choose whether they want some kind of ceremony as well. A legal marriage is basically just that anyway, a contract. If you get married by a judge, no religion (should) has it's say in your union unless you allow it.
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:03 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I hate to sound like that asshole Jay Severin, but what then? People marrying their pets?
Just limit marriage to consentind adult humans and i think we have covered all the bases.

Quote:
ALL legal marriage should be ABOLISHED and anyone who wants to can just make up their own independent contracts. That should level the playing field.
I am not against this idea. What would be nice is a collection of legal frameworks that you can pick from that are common in concept. You can create your own unique legal arrangement if you want to customize it. So one framework could be "monogamous marriage." Another could be "7 year monogous marriage." Yet another could be "2 couple Quad Marriage" and so on...

But for now, we are stuck with the concept of marriage. The governemt and companies use it for so many benefits and categories, that we will have to work within that concept for the time being.
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Old 08-04-2009, 06:00 AM
Degenerate Degenerate is offline
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Ah tried back button again and now I have it!


Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thanks , as this has been a really interesting discussion to read.

It's frustrating that we can't legally marry more than one partner, as the inequality of the idea of marrying one and not the other is really edgy for me. Maybe also because I have not used what I consider to be a primary/secondary/tertiary type model for a while, since I don't live with any of my partners full time. I also don't like the hierarchy and prefer my relationships to have fewer unnatural boundaries, and it just doesn't seem to work that way for me right now. I do have two relationships which are more involved than the third, so using this model the closest I could say is that I have two primaries and a partner who is secondary to them (which defeats the point of having a word to mean primary ;-) ) and although it is by no means a triad, we spend time all together and there is some level of non-platonic intimacy between the other two some of those times.

In a way I am already 'engaged' to two.. My other more serious partner also wears a ring to symbolise our commitment, but this refers to a different dynamic (a BDSM world one, which is similar, but more a statement of intent than a promise like an engagement). I guess the 'weddings' in both instances will just end up being non legal ones which we created ourselves, unless legal needs arise (luckily here we get free healthcare anyway).

Aw it';s a shame nobody here has a story to share of multiple weddings of any kind. Although obviously lots of us here have great stories about multiple commitments.. I guess a non legal wedding in this context just becomes a commitment ceremony/celebration.

De
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