Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-05-2013, 12:25 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 181
Default Flowing toward a triad

Hi everyone,

I've lurked here for ... ages, it seems... and tonight is the first time that I want to post something. I don't need the labels, but I've been poly all my life, while my wife has been monogamous. We've had the usual agonies. I have a LDR that has lasted many years, but I rarely see her and my marriage has managed the difficulties. I've read (and adore the writing of) many of you, most of all (hate to single you out, but seriously, you're amazing) GalaGirl, and thought I'd share what is happening in my life tonight.

My previously monogamous and straight wife (W) is out tonight with a woman she's fallen in love with. They connect, they share, they are absolutely gorgeous together. When they kiss, when they smile that sheepish grin about the other, when they open up to the happy space, they are in such puppy love that ... well, it makes me more than happy. Ahem. Cough. Compersion is easy. Raging horniness at my wife's exploration of her deeper emotional self is overwhelming. And awesome. Cough...

The thing about this woman she's fallen in love with is that she and I met years ago, and fell in love with each other more recently. But, having a past in which I'd cheated on my wife, before I figured out what ETHICAL nonmonogamy was, I was simply not going to cheat again. Ever, not if it was going to destroy my marriage. We were close friends, I told my wife all about her, my wife knew something was different with this friendship, was nervous, but we kept lines of communication wide wide open. Eventually, this woman (A) contacted my wife ... and ... they inadvertently fell in love, it seems. My wife started to see me differently, understanding nonmonogamy in a way that she never had, and safely saying that we (A and I) could be lovers. Which we now are.

So, tonight, my wife W and my girlfriend A are ... lovers, for the first time, on their own. How did we end up in a triad?! But that's where we are. The threesomes we've had (HELLO, that was sexier than any fantasy I've ever had) helped them feel confident with each other, and hiding from the kids (heat and passion in a kiss) led to a walk with making out (like, seriously, in the bushes, like you're teenagers?! that's so cute!) and has now led to making love.

Maybe this is the only place I can imagine sharing that, yes, it feels weird to be alone on the night my previously monogamous wife is with a lover for the first time... which should be a monumental shift in any marriage... except it's with my lover... and I'm just so HAPPY for them. They're so damn beautiful when they are together. They are so utterly gorgeous when they open up to each other.

It's funny, people hate on the unicorns and the triads. But give it a break, people: We didn't expect this. They are quite open to the possibility that I'll be the hinge in a V that includes sexy threesomes but not them as lovers, outside of explorations like tonight. And they are best friends, they tell me, no matter what they do with their bodies. But I'm seeing them going deeper and not yet safe with each other, constrained by the social expectations around us. I can imagine that in a year, we'll be Out in a way we aren't right now. Or hidden but pretty damn happy. Because they seem pretty damn happy, and I am, too, with both of them, and with them together while I'm alone.

Why am I writing? because I'm alone tonight while they make love. But I'm HAPPY, and I didn't really expect to feel that. And this community (in which I've lurked) helps me, and that means a lot to me, so, in the grand scheme of things: Thank you. Thank you for being here with and for me. You've helped me more than you could know.

pulliman
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-05-2013, 10:49 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 726
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
It's funny, people hate on the unicorns and the triads. But give it a break, people: We didn't expect this. They are quite open to the possibility that I'll be the hinge in a V that includes sexy threesomes but not them as lovers, outside of explorations like tonight.
It's not unicorns and triads which are "hated on", it's the people who try to shoehorn a V into a triad and wonder why there aren't enough pieces. I think you'll find that this serendipitous triad formation is the type that is encouraged.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
Why am I writing? because I'm alone tonight while they make love. But I'm HAPPY, and I didn't really expect to feel that.
Congratulations to all involved. It sounds wonderful.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-05-2013, 02:03 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,623
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
It's not unicorns and triads which are "hated on", it's the people who try to shoehorn a V into a triad and wonder why there aren't enough pieces. I think you'll find that this serendipitous triad formation is the type that is encouraged.
This, exactly.


Quote:
Congratulations to all involved. It sounds wonderful.
It's all new, NRE abounds! Horniness aplenty! Fun! Here's hoping it has staying power.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-05-2013, 04:21 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 181
Default

Points taken, re triads and all - that was badly stated on my part. Thanks for the clarification.

As for the NRE, yeah, it's partially that. But really, it's the happiness toward the couple I'm not in, the compersion, that really stands out to me.

The longer history is that my wife really did NOT like my LDR for many years, and only recently and slowly have we found peace about that. For her to fall in love, herself, and for them to find each to each other as they have, is a natural growth that none of us were expecting. It just feels easy, normal, and right to be doing this.

Thanks for the kind words, all!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-05-2013, 11:48 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 736
Default

A happy story! Wow! Awesome!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-06-2013, 01:00 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,023
Default

Quote:
The longer history is that my wife really did NOT like my LDR for many years, and only recently and slowly have we found peace about that. For her to fall in love, herself, and for them to find each to each other as they have, is a natural growth that none of us were expecting. It just feels easy, normal, and right to be doing this.
When it feels easy, normal, right and natural? That is your feelings telling you that the speed you are all going at is good for all, that the expectations are being kept realistic and reasonable, that you are willing to let some things just unfold as they will and not FORCE a particular outcome, and that all players are getting their needs met in a way that satisfies them... all good things to experience.

Congrats - and good for you guys!

Galagirl

PS: That is kind to let me know my writing resonates with you. Thank you.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-06-2013, 03:41 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
this community (in which I've lurked) helps me, and that means a lot to me, so, in the grand scheme of things: Thank you. Thank you for being here with and for me. You've helped me more than you could know.

pulliman
Welcome! It's amazing how much support a person can get from an online forum!

I hope you continue to share with us and I look forward to hearing more!
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:56 AM.