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  #1  
Old 08-31-2013, 02:27 PM
NewHusband NewHusband is offline
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Default Opening up...

Six months ago my wife and I were fighting all the time and headed for divorce. After some counseling and work on both our parts we began to work through some past hurts and problems we have had for 5+ years. Three months ago my wife and I sat down for a long talk and worked out some big issues. As part of that conversation we opened our marriage and started down the road to something new. By the way, she also told me that she is bi and has been hiding it most of her life.

All that to say, hi. I'm new here and looking for advice and new friends to talk to. People who understand where I am in life and what I'm going through. Feel free to say hello, especially if you are in the Seattle area.
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  #2  
Old 09-01-2013, 03:03 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Welcome!

It's my understanding that Seattle is a particularly poly-friendly area.
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Old 09-09-2013, 08:09 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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what kind of advice are you looking for?
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  #4  
Old 09-09-2013, 08:54 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Welcome!

Seattle has a poly meetup group: http://www.meetup.com/Seattle-Polyamory/

And I think the poly potluck still happens at the Center for Sex Positive Culture: http://thecspc.org/

Disclaimer - I haven't been involved in either of these for years, but attended both when I first started out and people were very helpful.

My only advice at this point is that if you're only 6 months out from big relationship problems, go very very slowly and make sure the existing relationship is truly healthy before you start adding more people to the mix.

Good luck!
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- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy), and his 9-year-old son Kiddo
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Old 09-10-2013, 01:57 AM
NewHusband NewHusband is offline
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I don't have anything specific I'm looking for advice on at this point, just general pointers. Maybe some insight that comes from wisdom.
Maybe a little more info will help people know how to advise me.

1 until May of this year I had no ideamy wife was bi, that she wanted to have sex with other people and the real depth of problems we had had in our past.

2 my wife already has another man in her life. We talked about him and while it doesn't bother me that she hangs out with him or talks to him. My biggest hang up is that after talking about it all and agreeing that she won't have sex with him till we have worked out a lot more things he seems to be waiting in the wings for me to be ok with it all and she seems just fine waiting till I'm ok, but on the same hand is simply waiting to have sex with him. She asides me that its only about and and having fun, but its really hard for me to let that go and not freak out about it.

3 sex is a big deal for me and not hardly at all for her. Finding something that works for both of us is hard. I feel like I end up waiting for her to be ready a lot and just never being sure how things are going to go or when we might next have sex. I'm finding it very hard to branch out and find people to talk to or be more than just casual friends with, while she has a fairly sizable group of females that are bi and poly to talk to and basically everything besides meeting up to have sex.

Both of us come from complicated family situations and both of us have grown up in sheltered and oppressive families. We are both working on our own issues and working through some issues that we got into when we were first married. I fully realize we need to take it slow, but I would also love some insight and guidance along the way. Thanks in advance everybody.
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Old 09-10-2013, 02:20 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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morethantwo.com
check out the golden nuggets page on here

read through some of the blogs-lots of real life info there

check out the "general poly' page-lots of info there

go meet some people in Seattle-BIG group there. Several actually-and if you link in with someone they should be able to direct you to the private facebook group for the area as well.

http://hub.yourtakeonromance.com/hub/polyring?rd=n
http://www.meetup.com/Seattle-Polyamory/
http://www.meetup.com/Seattle-Poly-Professionals/
http://polyweekly.com/resources/seattle-poly-resources/
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:52 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewHusband View Post
3 sex is a big deal for me and not hardly at all for her. Finding something that works for both of us is hard. I feel like I end up waiting for her to be ready a lot and just never being sure how things are going to go or when we might next have sex. I'm finding it very hard to branch out and find people to talk to or be more than just casual friends with, while she has a fairly sizable group of females that are bi and poly to talk to and basically everything besides meeting up to have sex.

.
I find this interesting. What are you guys looking for in poly? I am a very sexual person and enjoy being with both nudge and j...will it be bothersome to you if you get less sex than you like from your wife, but she is with other people? though i guess the flip side of that is that you'll be with other people too
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Old 09-10-2013, 09:57 PM
NewHusband NewHusband is offline
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I'm not sure exactly where I am on the mono/poly spectrum, but she has never been fulfilled with just one person in any aspect of life. After talking we agreed to open up and grow together.
Sexually speaking we are kinda mismatched. I would love to be having sex about 3-4 times a week, most ever week and feel secure knowing it was going to happen. In contrast she likes to wing it and just see day to day. Some weeks she's wanting to go like three days in a row and other weeks we done have sex at all. On top of that she doesn't know or have any way to let me know if its even on the table day to day, much less days ahead.
Saying all that, yes, I would be really pissed if she was having sex with somebody new and neglecting me. I'm finding it really hard to find anybody new to talk to, hang out with or start a relationship with.
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  #9  
Old 09-13-2013, 12:55 PM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
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NewHusband - regarding your wife's sex drive, like Magdlyn said, it probably had to do with cycling. I myself tend to have a pretty distinct cycle (at least, I've started to notice in the last few months, as breastfeeding the last baby is finally winding down) wherein during ovulation I want sex about 4 times a day for about half a week, then I have the whole pms emotional mess, and period, and then I'm really not that interested for a couple weeks. Which doesn't mean I don't have sex for those weeks, just that I'm not ambushing Guy out of a shower, before work, after work, etc and it's usually him initiating maybe every few days or so. So I completely get how your wife might not know if she wants sex - basically, I will be all - 'meh' about it if asked during the not interested time span, but if something happens that sparks interest (either Guy doing or saying something that triggers it, or me reading erotica, or something) then I'm good to go. Maybe ask her if there are things that trigger her interest that you could do when you're in the mood and see if that doesn't get things going?

Regarding not being happy with her having sex with someone else I can see that being hard to work through - Guy is currently working through how he feels with me now dating Morp, and so far, Morp and I have not had sex, but I'd like to in the future. So I don't have much advice on that, just that, I'm glad she's willing to wait and move slowly with her OSO until you can work through your feelings on that and be more comfortable.
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