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  #1  
Old 08-24-2013, 03:18 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Default little quirks, that's me

Funny my truck driver parents gave me the CB handle of "little bit" when I was young. Definitely had an interesting upbringing before Kindergarten always being in a semi or staying with this or that relative during the summer. And now as a 41 year old woman, wanting to start a blog here for days, but not sure what to say at first, as my journal writing has dwindled in the last 12+ years, I recognize I have these little quirks, little bit's quirks.

Am I little? Well I'm short but not under the 5 foot kind of short. Guess that's a physical quirk. But little, no I don't feel that at all. Might be because I've been this tall, wait I mean short, since I was 10. Yes, once upon a time I was taller than my classmates, but I hit puberty quite young and that in itself, stopped any potential of being one of the tall girls (there went my basketball dreams). Again, another quirk. Seriously? 10 years old is just too young to look like a 16 year old.

Polyamory? Never heard of it, not sure how I knew this was the term to research when DH said to me "I would love for PR to be a part of our lives one day" just over a month ago. After dropping DH off for work, I mulled that concept over and over in my mind on the drive home. How cool would that be to have PR, there in our bed, waking up with us in the morning, making our little brood a bit bigger with his two kids. That fantasy, on that day as well as today, is still just that, a fantasy (but a mighty yummy one at that). But, it also brought the term "polyamory" into my head. I had heard of polygamy but never polyamory or being polyamorous. And DH is the root of all this...my self actualization/realization. He saw me as polyamorous, told me I was falling in love with PR (even though I denied it not to protect DH but myself as PR said he couldn't have a long term relationship with me {will get to that later on} and used my coping skill of compartmentalizing). Back to my point: I came home and googled polyamory. I went with the wikipedia explanation and it hit me like a wall of bricks...."wow, that's me, hubby was right"!

Then lots of discussions evolved and DH and I have been on a rollercoaster, more him than I, with the issues of jealousy and envy. He's posted about his here in the forum and the comments have helped him.

Now back to little quirks. I have a libido that perks up about a year after having girl babies. It never did when I had my son. Not sure what is different between a boy baby and girl babies. And with these libido changes, I go crazy or I went crazy, 12 years ago and a year ago. Aha, you say, there is a back story of this blog.

Hopefully I stay on task and tell it. As I said before, I haven't done any type of journaling in many years. I was quite the writer in college. Had the best compliment a freshmen could ever get from her poetry professor. He asked me my major, I replied accounting, and told me he was amazed at my understanding of poetry and my ability to actually write since accountants could not write. Another little quirk.

Well I feel like I'm going off track with my thoughts. I'm feeling good I've got a snippet started, feeding my brain an opportunity to come back and put more thoughts down, more of me out of my head. I share so much of myself with DH now but there isn't always the time as I see him a few hours six nights a week after he gets home from work and I'm with kids, not just my own since I do childcare right now, all day long, seven days a week. It feels good to just write.

Well the 2 year old is calling my attention away...maybe later, tomorrow or another day.
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Old 08-24-2013, 05:06 AM
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Default quirks, many, maybe

DH and I have known each other for over 22 years, together 19 and married 18 next month. His background - his parents are still married and it'll be 59 years this September. They, his parents, consider themselves Christian. Even dh's grandma was a pastor, so a lot of the monogamous pushing of what's "right".

Me, well my dad tried to be a polygamist years before I was born. My mom found the wedding invitation. She made the journey from Illinois out to a small town on the coast of Washington to stop the wedding. My dad had girlfriends throughout their marriage as she had boyfriends. They cheated on each other as they both did it behind each other's backs. Mom was a hypocrite more so than Dad. The only time they were "together" was when she went on the road with him.

Here you have two friends that fell in love with opposite upbringings. But I, I wanted what his parents had/still have (when I first met him). It was that stability I never had in my life. I could see the security my in-laws have with each other. They are mono, no doubt about it. But that's not how we started dating.

This one evening back when I was 22, slightly buzzed, maybe more, out on a Friday night at the local college bar, I decided I wanted to have children. Screw looking for a boyfriend, long-term relationship. I enjoyed being single, falling in love (NRE maybe) every other 3 to 4 weeks with the newest cute boy I had spotted. I picked the one guy who had physical features I wanted my kids to get, so I went up to him while he was playing pool and asked him to donate me his sperm. Funny now when I look back on that, I had took me about 45 minutes assessing potentials, I was really serious about it and picked my husband.

His answer surprised me. "No, but we can practice at it". Those words, said just the right way with his deep voice, sent shivers through me and although we'd known each other for a few years, this animal attraction took over my body, getting me very turned on. Nothing transpired that night (pretty much a first for me since I was 15). A few weeks went by and I was acting like a high school girl with her first crush. His band mates were in my meditation class so I'd giggle with my two girl friends, telling them loudly so the boys behind us would over hear, about having a crush on DH. Almost a month later, after many times alone, we finally kissed. I had really fallen in love.

Two months later he moves in with me and my 2 roommates (a couple). At three months engaged to get married. A year later we were husband and wife. I didn't get my baby I wanted until over a year after the wedding even though that is what brought us together.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 08-24-2013 at 05:11 AM.
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Old 08-24-2013, 04:48 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I look forward to following your journey, and I hope things continue to go well.

Ry
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  #4  
Old 08-24-2013, 08:17 PM
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Thanks FullofLove!

Here are a few links to my introduction and other issues I faced when I first started my poly journey:

INTRO

NEWBIE ISSUES
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Old 08-25-2013, 05:03 PM
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Default not a quirk moment

Yesterday was a good day except the youngest had a fever & the stomach flu. I hurt when my kids are sick. I can't take it away from them but can only be there to give love and nurture. This morning she's got her appetite back but still not the same.

Tonight PR is coming over after work. It's been two weeks since we played. DH & I are very excited for midnight to get here (PR works until 11 & then its a 30 minute drive). We actually last saw him 2 Mondays ago to meet his new girlfriend OM. He hasn't told her about us/me. When he met her she had said she was bi & PR had the idea in his head she could be into a 4-sum eventually. I don't think that is what she was looking for.

Some background on our relationship with PR. Our involvement with PR is what opened our eyes to polyamory (not the showtime show - never even heard of it until I came here). The story:

DH & I have been swingers and then evolved to having an open relationship with each other. DH had a fantasy of having a friend who'd hang out with us and then have sex with me. DH and I have friends, but none to even approach on this subject. To get this fantasy fulfilled, DH put up an ad on Craigslist. No pics were on it but the ad being about having sex with some guys wife brought a lot of responses. I weeded it down to three guys I found as my "type" then DH did all the emailing and planning.

One of the pics was PR. The back story: I had a desire for my neighbor (never acted upon it but had to get it out of my head) and put a MISSED CONNECTION on Craigslist. As usual, lots of responses and it's a missed connection not come have sex with me ad. One was PR. We corresponded a bit but never anything more than asking him for more pics, pics of his "tool". If I'm going to have fun, I don't want to be disappointed. More backstory: DH & I had a prior ad up for another 3 sum and after much frustration and fakes, I made a VENT post about pics not being who they are, etc. Again PR replied but I didn't respond back.

Going back to DH's ad and the three guys. We finally got it down to 2 guys PR and "Slick". I said I just felt a draw to PR more than the other one. So it's the Sunday night, we're meeting this new guy on Monday. I look in my emails and PR had been emailing me since the day before. But he sent a new pic (the one he sent to DH) and I realized, ah, we've been emailing each other. I asked him if he was meeting a couple the next night and yes it was him.

That first time, that first night, there was a physical "love at first sight" between PR & I. DH the next day asked me if I was in love with PR. I laughed, cause that was impossible, I'd only had really good sex with him. The turn on was being watched by DH and having DH participate as well. By the second encounter, yeah, there was more than just sex between PR & I. I was still in denial but PR & I start chatting outside of DH's involvement. I asked if he (PR) felt something. He did, but we decided to leave it at the sex. He was in search for the "one", the girl he'd marry as his second wife. And after 5 days of meeting he thought he had met her and wanted to be honest with me. That didn't work out.

Before my first time alone with PR, DH and I had been discussing my feelings (as noted above in post #2). DH that Thursday text'd PR that I was in love with him, DH was okay with it, realizing I, Ali, could be in love with more than two people at once. That was a lot for PR to take in. He knew I felt something but having DH try to be a matchmaker was a lot to absorb. That Saturday, this is in the second week of seeing each other with dh, I met him alone at his house. I was there for almost 5 hours but had to rush home before 5:15 am. DH had jealousy issues that night when I was on my way there. He wanted me to meet PR alone but he also felt very envious and jealous. This is before we had our intense discussions of polyamory, jealousy and envy insecurities. By the time I made it to PR's place, dh had calmed down. It was fun being alone with him. A great test to see if what I felt was just the three-sum thing or actually something more. It was more, but PR kept reiterating: "I'm a one woman kinda man and I want a one man woman". I responded with that I get it and until that day happens and as long as he still wants to see me/us, I'll be okay with it all. I won't let that emotion grow and in all honesty I haven't let it grow. I've packed it away in a tiny little box and put it on the shelf. But, dh is witness to this, that compartmentalized emotion, it is there when we get together. He feels it, PR shows it as well as I do.

And that last night we spent with PR, he had earlier in the day told me OM was getting serious (as I knew the day would come and a bit later than I thought) but he still wanted to see me, just on the "down-low". I also told him that DH & I have realized we're polyamorous, that I do have feelings but because he, PR, wasn't willing to explore them, I boxed them up and that I would be meeting someone later this month. Apparently PR was very bothered by the potential new suitor as it was the first thing he asked me about when we had a moment alone. Throughout that night he talked with me more than he ever had before as well as to DH about OM, us and me. It was his way of telling us, he's talking this journey with OM but he also wants to continue the journey with us. It was an awesome night, I can say that much.

Roll into the next day/night. We meet them out, played pool, chatted etc but OM had no clue because all my flirting was saved for DH. It was lots of fun to party, on a Monay night (DH's Saturday night). I still am not sure why he wanted OM to meet us. He had said the day before he didn't think she'd want to do something with anyone else besides him. I won't think too much about the way. If he was testing himself, he hasn't told us the answer. (I think he's realizing he can have feelings for more than one person but is stuck in the monogamous mind frame to impress family etc and in all honesty, that is his issue and his thing to figure out~~I'll just enjoy what we have while we have it).

Well I have some primping to do for tonight, some real work to work on and kids to love today. I'll get back to quirks soon. Hell, I have quirks but I have a lot of stuff inside my head so maybe my blog title won't always be about quirks but at least I'm getting it out there.
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Old 08-27-2013, 12:20 AM
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Default last night

Last night was amazing with DH & PR. I love being with both of them at once. And DH was so cool he left the room for a bit so PR & I could have some intimate alone time. PR had missed me and missed being with us.

Things are not going in the direction PR had thought they would be with his new girlfriend OM. I worry for him and can only be a friend who is there to listen to him. They have been dating since Aug 12th and met on the 6th (I'd say they've been dating since the 6th but didn't tell anyone until the 12th). PR is a little freaked out by OM in that she already wants him to move in with her, that she told him about having a dream where she had sex with his twin and that she wants more children with him (OM has 2 year old twins & PR has two older kids from his marriage and does not want any more) and she's driving him crazy with being very insecure about who she is (the girl is fine, nice body etc and young) always needing PR to validate her daily (these are his words).

I hope for his sake he figures out what he wants to do. PR kept saying it would be ending soon. This makes me sad because I had really thought PR had found the "one" he had been looking for. I was so happy for him when he told me about OM and that he wanted us to meet her on top of it.

DH told me I interrupted their conversation right at the point when they started talking about us and poly. Interesting how fate, charma, whatever causes those interruptions. After hearing PR talk about his issues with OM, it's probably best any talks of poly, us and PR be done after he figures out what he needs and wants. Those emotions I compartmentalized, if I let them loose, they'd so wish to push more discussion of connection, feelings and poly on PR. But I don't want that. I want PR to come out and say he wants to try this out, actually letting the emotions take over rather than just the sexual encounters we have. If it ever does grow into a more deep relationship, PR will have to be the one to open up that closed box.

The only problem with these two men is they work late and PR can't get here until 11:30 pm at the earliest. We don't actually move to the bedroom right away so it's usually after midnight when we start and our love sessions go for a few hours. I pretty much don't get to fall asleep until 4 or later and am up by 5:30. When we use to meet 2 to 3 times a week, it took 3 weeks to hit me, but hit a wall I did and ended up sick. Funny getting sick from being loved on by two men.

So our three kids do know PR. The oldest actually didn't meet him until the night we went out with PR & OM. Our son really likes him (PR has a son the exact same age). I guess I'm living out those questions I had about children & polyamory. We have not told the oldest and I'm not sure we will. But dang, I hate not telling her anything. I just know when she does find out she'll think we've been lying to her. I guess that will be the fine point of the discussion with her when that day comes. I/we never lied to her, we just never gave her the full on details of our relationship with PR. Seriously, I sometimes think our kids can guilt trip us as much as other adults try to.

All in all, I'm very happy today. Had a great job interview that didn't bat an eye at the rate of pay I want and are having me come back on Thursday to test my skills and abilities. I did forewarn them I'd been out of the industry for over 2 years now, so there's some catch up with tax laws but I should be fine. Now I'm torn. I love that I've been a sahm (with a child care business) these last 7 months. I get time with the youngest I've never experienced with my oldest two (and from Jan to Apr I use to work 60 to 65 hours a week). The choice is being happy, nurturing my youngest and the other two with just being able to be there or to be not so much happy but making good money (again if they offer what I want) that helps our family out a huge amount. And I can't make that decision until they actually offer me the position. My other interview for this week called and said they hired within the company, so no second interview this week. Decisions, decisions, decisions and no point until I know more to make those decisions.

So this part has been bothering me and I so hope I don't do it. I've been reading a lot lately about the spouse left at home wallowing in self-pity etc. The main point I see in those ones is that it's usually the wife (what I don't want to do) who just flat out refuses to buck up and take responsibility for her children. Yes the spouse needs to own their own emotions and ability to function but when the female puts all the financial and child raising responsibility on the spouse left behind, it really makes me super upset. I am glad to see these posts because it's a reminder of what type of individual I don't want to be when I start dating and experiencing NRE.
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:43 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Unhappy a quirk

A little quirk I realized as I was typing the post. Height issues:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...338#post226338
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Old 09-06-2013, 03:27 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
A little quirk I realized as I was typing the post. Height issues:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...338#post226338
Did you decide to cancel? Most people have preferences, and some people view them as arbitrary. People like what they like.

And congrats on the new job!
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Ry - Me. Former panromantic demisexual with polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Mr. Grey - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
Closed Polyship of Two.

My Blog
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Old 09-06-2013, 05:57 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Did you decide to cancel? Most people have preferences, and some people view them as arbitrary. People like what they like.

And congrats on the new job!
Yes I did cancel & told him I wasn't feeling it. This is all new to me & being one that is a people pleaser it felt good to stop myself from going through with something my gut was telling me "no" to. Funny I'm talking with another guy who is 5'8 but he's different (cuter too), is actually talking with me & hasn't started talking about sex. He's stayed respectful, so far. I'm not writing off short men, just being picky on personality.

Thank you. It's interesting I was offered the position since I wasn't trying hard to get it. I actually have 6 more seasons of preparing taxes than the owner. I think that was a big factor compared to other candidates. And now I'm excited to start working.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:07 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
Yes I did cancel & told him I wasn't feeling it. This is all new to me & being one that is a people pleaser it felt good to stop myself from going through with something my gut was telling me "no" to. Funny I'm talking with another guy who is 5'8 but he's different (cuter too), is actually talking with me & hasn't started talking about sex. He's stayed respectful, so far. I'm not writing off short men, just being picky on personality.
It always fascinates me to hear about what people are drawn to in a potential partner. (I am a demisexual, so I feel no sexual attraction to anyone but the person I am in love with.) I have friends who specifically prefer a certain hair colour, eye colour, height, weight range, race, etc. I can appreciate those things at an aesthetic level, but that is where the line is drawn for me.

Hopefully things will work out with this new guy. If he has the personality and piques your interest, he might be worth it.

Quote:
Thank you. It's interesting I was offered the position since I wasn't trying hard to get it. I actually have 6 more seasons of preparing taxes than the owner. I think that was a big factor compared to other candidates. And now I'm excited to start working.
Bravo. Your additional experience probably did help you secure the job. I hope it goes well, and I hope you enjoy it.
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Ry - Me. Former panromantic demisexual with polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Mr. Grey - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
Closed Polyship of Two.

My Blog
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