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Old 01-15-2011, 10:12 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 12
Unhappy the beginnings of a breakup...

I am a 29 year old female, my bf and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. Back in july we moved lenore in... Mistake 1, he did the majority of the talking to her, mistake 2, he asked her to move in with out discussing I over with me. Mistake 3, I was not attracted to her. Which now the problem is she wants out. At this point the reasons do not matter. Bottom line she does not want to be in this type of relationship anymore. Now my thinking is, that's fine I'm not going to force you to stay, and I never wanted you to leave, its your choice. Your quitting, you don't get the benefits of. A relationship, he is committed to me. So no sex. Am I right for wanting this? Are my feelings valid?

I need some advice here, I don't know what to do or say to them in this situation. My bf says that he can not to commit to that request of no sex...

Last edited by NeonKaos; 01-15-2011 at 11:52 AM. Reason: merge posts
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Old 01-15-2011, 11:10 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Give the regular posters time to get out of bed, . You posted this early this morning so those on the west coast, some of them, were just crawling in to bed after a Friday night out.

Your feelings are ALWAYS valid. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that others will listen or agree with what those feelings are. Keep talking to him about it although you might want to give it a break once in a while & just enjoy each other some times too.
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
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Old 01-15-2011, 01:44 PM
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Jodi Jodi is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 121

you never have to have sex if you don't want to. it's your body. i don't think that there's much to do except wait for her to go, and then reestablish a relationship w/ your boyfriend.

i hope that he will talk to you again before making any life changing decisions. i think it's a blessing in disguise since you didn't seem to keen on the arrangement in the first place.
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Old 01-15-2011, 02:55 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822

Jodi,I read this as, she doesn't want him to keep sleeping with his g/f after g/f moves out and her b/f is saying he can't abide by that.

About a year ago, Wendigo wrote us a letter stating that he needed to focus on Pretty Lady and that he and PL thought my relationship with Wolf might need more attention as well. He made it clear that they weren't breaking up with us, but that he thought it might be best if we only had sex when the four of us were together until things were on track again in our primary relationships. This was extremely difficult for me as I wanted to respect his/her/ their wishes but have always had a hard time controlling how my body reacts to his very presence. Ultimately, this lasted about a month and a half, but I was proud of myself because I let him be the one to approach me about going back to being intimate w/o out everyone there.

So, thesavageprincess, my two cents is that if he really loves you and is committed to you, he'll respect your wishes, no matter how much he wants to have sex with her. But you will need to understand that this is hard for him. And the question I have is, does he see this as a break up of their relationship or just a change in where they are living?
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Old 01-15-2011, 03:14 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hey Princess,

Maybe I'm not reading this clearly..........

You are trying to say that unless you all live together there can't be any relationship or sex ? Is this correct ?

Seem like a control thing to me ?

Many people can't live together and get along properly. It's especially hard as the numbers grow from 2, to 3 to.......more. The more people the more difficult it is.

But that should have nothing to do with the relationships involved. Some relationships will just always thrive better when there's more space & privacy. It doesn't seem (if I read correctly) that it's your 'call' how the relationship flows just because you can't all exist under one roof.

Did I miss anything ?

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Old 01-15-2011, 05:16 PM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 12

Okay here is the situation. She came here for him, but john assured me that we would all get along and It would work. John and I had agreed that we would find someone that we both could enjoy. Everything was fine, so I thought. She ultimately is not attracted to me cause of my weight. She has only stayed here for as long as she has cause she does not want to hurt my bf. Sex has been separate as of late, I did not want a polygamy type relationship. I wanted a gf to cuddle with, kiss and be intimate with. But she don't want me that way. I feel like it is unfair that he gets to reap the benefits of a relationship that we originally talked about in the beginning. Btw john and I have had relationships with other women all of which showed me affection. Except for lenore. She recently stated she doesn't want to be in a relationship with 2 ppl. And would rather continue her future in a monogamous relationship with a man. I could tell she was a bisexual that favored men more. Myself I like being with men and women equally and held monogamous relationships with both. So my thinking is... If she wants out, y would she think its okay or I would be okay with the fact that they could have sex when I'm working 11-7am. she is not committing to him, I am. I'm the one who is staying, I want this relationship, not her. So I feel that I should have that right to say no, they can't have sex with out me.
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