Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-20-2013, 04:13 AM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 752
Default A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

Hey folks,
I've been tossing around the idea of starting a blog for some time now... Usually when I get to the point where I actually CAN post, I don't, due to not wanting to bother to type something up or somesuch. So, after a couple glasses of wine, I've decided to start the damn blog and use it. We'll see if the "use it" part gets much action, but the "start it" part is now done.

There.

This, BTW, is me. Things have settled out a bit since then... the divorce is final, now going on two years, and I can honestly see that THAT relationship should have run its course a long time ago. C'est la vie. The new relationship with my partner is still going strong. In addition to my metamour, he has begun dating someone new, as well.

I suppose the point of this blog is to be something of a reference or help for folks going through the same stuff as I am: Mono (or mono-ish? that's a separate blog post), starting a poly relationship with eyes open but still not quite understanding the emotions behind it all, what pops up, metamour stuff, all that. And a place to blather, of course. I love to blather, but usually hold back.

At any rate, the fundamentals are: relationship going on two years, seems strong, "talk til ya puke" seems to be our mantra, and we're moving on. Yay that.

It's a bit late for me to post more, so I'll leave it here for now. When I wake up, I'll curse the wine, but move on and hopefully actually use the blog. We'll see.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-20-2013, 02:10 PM
crisplove crisplove is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 32
Default

Just when I thought I was all alone. Thanks for posting:-)

I am in a similar situation. I am mono. When I discovered this board, I thought I might try poly out and be in multiple relationships. As it turns out, I'm a one guy type of girl. I have major issues with my boyfriend's primary. I've come to despise the idea of primaries and secondaries.

When I agreed to go down this path with my boyfriend, I had this idea that I would be part of a tribe and all the metamours would be on "equal" footing. That is definitely NOT the case.

At any rate, like you, I've been putzing around starting a blog. Maybe I can share yours :-) ? Maybe?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-20-2013, 04:02 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 752
Default

You should definitely start one of your own and let your voice be heard outside of someone else's thread, but you're more than welcome to comment here.

In practice, my partner has what might be considered two "primaries" and one "secondary" partner, but he doesn't categorize things that way. His new GF is married, not "out", and has a very busy life, so she doesn't have the ability to have the same kind of relationship that I and my other metamour do with him.

For sake of simplicity, I'll use Metamour 1 (M1) to be his other 'primary-ish' relationship, and Metamour 2 (M2) to be his latest relationship. I will remain 'I' and 'me'. Partner will be P. It makes the wording easier.

More later - P is arriving soon with his daughter, and we'll be finding some air-conditioned activities to do with all the kids before breaking out the sprinkler and water balloons.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-20-2013, 05:12 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 863
Default

I am glad you started a blog. Wine is a great form of encouragement. Here is to wine encouragement!

I enjoy hearing from the mono partners in poly relationships, so I definitely look forward to following your blog! I hope your day is going wonderfully.

Ry
__________________
Lizzy formerly known as Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
Closed.

My Blog

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 07-20-2013 at 05:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-21-2013, 02:55 AM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 752
Default

So... P is home with me tonight and brought his daughter (same age as my older daughter). We beat the heat and went bowling, saw Despicable Me 2, and finished the night with a cheap mic, mic stand, teeny amp, and YouTube karaoke videos. I got to get some Stevie Wonder in (old folks represent, yo!) among the Carly Rae Jepsens and Adeles.

All in all, a good night, but not conducive to blogging. Hope everyone here is having a nice night.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-22-2013, 03:07 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 752
Default

So yes, wine is definitely a heck of a motivator, but now I'm stuck in the same place I remember being in back in the High School English class days: Where to start?

I suppose "at the beginning" is a good answer, but logical, anal-retentive me also doesn't want to lose track of the present due to it all queueing up as I write down all the old stuff, so maybe some old and some new... let's see how much of a novel I write before committing to anything.

Ha, look - not only do you get a story, but you get my stream-of-consciousness that goes with it. Lucky you.

The present:
Had a pretty good weekend with P, his daughter, and my kids. They were up on Saturday, and we ended up hanging out at home for a while, seeing Despicable Me at the local "Cinema Pub" (http://www.chunkys.com/), and doing some impromptu karaoke with the kids using a cheap mic we found at the local Habitat for Humanity store (like a Goodwill for house stuff!), a mic stand, small amp, and YouTube karaoke videos. The kids "wanted to sing" "Don't Stop Believing" and then bailed and left us children of the '80s to finish the song ourselves. Luckily, we didn't have the cops called on our caterwauling. All in all, a good time. It was a nice "family" moment, and I do treasure those.

On the flip side, we had some cruddy communication issues fairly recently as well.

When we started this relationship (and I guess the details will end up getting written about at some point, but not today), we put a schedule in place where he spends half his time down south with M1, and half his time up with me. Two days north, two days south. I didn't feel I could work toward a "life partner" type of relationship with him without having that amount of time, and it took us a while to get there, but we're pretty much there now.

Sometimes, though, things pop up and the calendar needs some shuffling around.

And sometimes, with his schedule, his daughter's schedule, M1's schedule, my schedule, and my kids' schedule, it is immensely frustrating for me to either want some weekend time, or need to reschedule something, and not be able to find any way of doing it. I have, at times, gotten into poopy little funks about P not being able to attend such-and-so with me, simply because something else is going on that day. Yeah, I know I'm responsible for my own feelings. Yeah, I know it's still leftover expectation from when I was married (of course we'll go together). Still, it sucks to have an occasion I'd like to have him attend, and have him be unable to do so.

So the latest one is my company's family outing. It coincided with a "south" day for him, and a con in Providence that he is looking forward to attending (NecronomiCon). However, when I brought it up as a possible "swap day" for some other calendar rewickering that was going on, he kind of hemmed and hawed and didn't really say that he wouldn't swap. Just said, "let me see."

I asked about it again on Friday, and he said no, he wanted to go to the con instead. And for some reason, it really tweaked me. (A) because if it had been a 'no' from the start, then just. effing. tell me. And (B), and it took a bit of introspection to realize why I was so bothered by it, but I finally nailed down that this is one of my few "family traditions" (most were my ex-husband's) and I wanted to have him there, as part of this new family/life that we're building.

So I sent him an email explaining why I thought I was so tweaked, understood that he wanted to go to the con, told him that I (sincerely) don't want to coerce him into doing something he didn't want to do, and that since the con really is one of "his" things (and that he and M1 were planning to go together), I'm cool with him going, but I'd like in the future for there to be a shot of us doing the "family thing", since we both seem to want that.

End of story, I was prepared to get tix for me and my girls, and that was that.

So I get an email in response saying, "Hold tight. I'm working on changing the schedule."

Oh, no no no no no... wait a minute.

So NOW I'm feeling guilty, like I played a trump card or something with the "family" word and changed his mind, and didn't really want to do that. So, we went around and around on that for a bit, me saying I don't want to coerce him by throwing down a trump card, and him saying that he doesn't get steered by me or anyone, and now that he has the information, he's choosing to make a different decision.

Okay. So now he's coming to the outing. I guess it worked out okay, since the night before has a ball that he and M1 now get to attend instead of his being north with me that night, but I still hate that nagging feeling that I've dorked up her plans as well as his. I guess I should send her something too, and see how she feels about it all.

Then he and his daughter came up on Saturday, and it felt nice and relaxed and just GOOD. And I realized I can still hold SOME of the Steve Perry notes, at any rate. <fist pump>

Guess that's enough of a novel right out of the gate... got some new and some backstory in there, so until next time, have a great day, folks!

Last edited by YouAreHere; 07-22-2013 at 03:08 PM. Reason: typos
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
divorce, family, metamour, mono/poiy, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:46 PM.