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  #1  
Old 07-10-2013, 04:43 PM
searching4answers searching4answers is offline
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Default This is Crazy

Okay...so I am posting this here because I can't talk about it else where (other than with parties involved) and I figured that any advice or questions you guys migh thave could be a good thing.

Background: My husband and I have been married almost eight years. About 7 years ago we started talking about swinging. We talked about it for about 3 years before we actually did anything. We have been swingers for around 4 years though we haven't done much this last year or so. About two years ago we started talking about polyamory because we met a poly couple and were just exploring what it meant. About a year ago we started talking about it in direct relationship to our family. I loved the idea that poly might allow us to get more out of love because each person could fulfill different needs in a person. Hubby was interested in a triad. He thought that would be perfect. While I was all for the idea I figured it was better to not be stuck in that thought and that it would put us as "unicorn hunters" (in swinging unicorn hunters aren't looked at quite the same as in poly and I didn't know this at the time...but it still didn't seem like a good situation to be in). :-P

Fast Forward a bit: A few months ago we discussed having things move in that direction, but we didn't move forward with it due to family issues. We were visiting my mom last month. (Here's where it gets a little weird). My mom had a small get together at her house that included us, her, a couple who are her friends, and a single woman who is her friend. We were all drinking and playing games when it was suggested that we play a strip game. Things got...interesting. The single woman and my husband fooled around a lot that night while I was with the couple. It was fun.

End of Last Month: My mom came to visit us end of last month with the single woman as her care giver (she is disabled). Things got really, really hot here with the care giver, hubby, and I. We have been texting the two weeks that she has been gone.

We will be moving to the state where my mom lives (and the care giver) in the next few months (hopefully start of September). We talked with her a little bit about the triad thing. She's not a swinger or familiar with poly, but she really likes the idea of dating us. On the one hand, it is really exciting and on the other hand it's frightening.

Then there is my mom. My mom is 54 and the care giver is 27. My mom really wants her to be her girlfriend. She isn't interested, but I don't know how to deal with that. It's crazy. I talk with my mom and she talks about how things are going well between them moving toward a relationship and then there's this thing that seems to be growing between this woman and us. So...I guess to me...that's the crazy part. :-P
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:45 PM
london london is online now
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Yeah, this sounds like a hot cup of cray cray. I'd stay away from your mother's carer and probably try and discourage her from flirting with her or making a move if I could.
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Old 07-10-2013, 04:58 PM
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Omigawd. Don't you think you should be kind enough to dissuade your mother and let her know not to get her hopes up, that her caregiver isn't interested?
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Old 07-10-2013, 05:27 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I would fire the woman if i were your mother. This is very unprofessional behaviour for a caregiver. Either be the sex partner or the employee, pick one, you can't have both. And for god's sake, keep your orgies separate from your mother's orgies. I swear, every time i think i've heard it all...

#narrowminded #judgmental #prude #butotherculturesdoitsoitmustbeokay

Last edited by BoringGuy; 07-10-2013 at 05:29 PM.
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  #5  
Old 07-10-2013, 05:29 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Seems like there is a lot of different thought processes going on here, and not a lot of actual straightforward communication.

You say the caregiver is interested in dating you two. Have you discussed with her how that would go? Would she only date you together, or would you all have individual dates as well? Would there be a long term goal of her moving in with your family or would she be free to date others as well and potentially start her own family?

Then your mom is interested in the caregiver and thinks they are moving towards a relationship. Is the woman even aware of your mom's feelings about her? Is she in any way encouraging this? If she is aware, does she plan on telling your mom, using very clear/direct language, that she is NOT going to date her? Or is she interested in your mom, too? How would you feel if she wanted a relationship with all of you? Have YOU told your mom that you're interested in caregiver as well?

Honestly, I wouldn't move forward until everyone's on the same page. I probably wouldn't move forward at all, though, because this woman is responsible for your mother's care. What if you date, things go poorly, and your mom's care suffers because of it? This is way too much "mixing business with pleasure" for my tastes, but it's worked before and I'm sure it can work again. I'm just not that big of a risk taker. lol
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Old 07-10-2013, 06:48 PM
searching4answers searching4answers is offline
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That was far more interesting than I thought it would be...:-P

I know that the thing that needs to happen the most is some real communication. Unfortunately, until we move that won't be happening. I know I just need to be patient.

I really don't know what to do with my mom. I have discouraged her from going after a young woman in her employ, but she just keeps telling me it hasn't done any harm to their work relationship. The care giver has told me that she has told my mom straight out that she's not interested and for awhile my mom had stopped talking about it...but obviously I wasn't there so I don't know what was said. I sorta feel caught in the middle and would rather not be there.

We have talked about dating with her, both together and separately. Part of me wants to run away cause of the complications with my mom, but we both really like her and she seems to really like us (and not just for sex).

As for keeping my orgies separate from my mother's...well...it's my choice and it could be okay so no need to be judgemental about it. :-P As for me...I wouldn't have called it an orgy since no one had sex, just fooled around. I didn't see my mom cause I was on the other side of the room and a bit drunker than I should have been. And finally, I woke up with the "oh my gawd" thing in the morning...so I won't be doing anything of the sort again.

Eh...I think I just have too much packed into my brain and no where to work it all out at. :-P
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:22 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Jerry... Jerry.. Jerry.

You know if this woman is a professional nurse, CNA or LPN you could be risking her career

This is so unethical it isn't funny on many levels.
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Old 07-10-2013, 07:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by searching4answers View Post
I wouldn't have called it an orgy since no one had sex, just fooled around.
How is "fooling around" NOT sex? Was there making out? Were fingers involved, lips, grinding while clothed? It's all sexual, even if you don't call it sex per se.

Quote:
Originally Posted by searching4answers View Post
I didn't see my mom cause I was on the other side of the room and a bit drunker than I should have been.
Do you mean to say you were fooling around with your mother IN THE SAME ROOM?

Now I've read a lot of disturbing things, like that woman who came here asking us what we thought about her fucking her daughter's FWB and wondering why so many of us were creeped out by it. But... I hope you realize that drunkenness is no excuse. Why are you even thinking about continuing such creepy craziness? Stay away from this situation -- if this is real. It's rather hard to believe that anyone would not have the wherewithal, common sense, and just plain normal social graces to know that the whole situation is fucked up and to be avoided.
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