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  #1  
Old 07-03-2013, 06:43 PM
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Ramina Ramina is offline
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Arrow ♥Bi-Wife seeking Lady for Triad♥

Hihi

My wife's tasked me with this quest to find us a bisexual woman for a triad. We've 2 wonderful children, so we prefer someone who's nurturing, ok with kids, or a mother herself. We're not looking for a maid, but a homemaker is definitely a plus!

Other issues to get out of the way is she's newly Taoist & I'm Trutharian (Polytheist), but we're welcoming to all faiths. Politically, we're both staunch Liberals, but again we welcome all. As far as in looks, she prefers busty women, whereas I lean towards le bootay As far as in weight, HWP would be ideal. If you're overweight, don't be shy, because we honestly prefer voluptuous women over waifs (No offense, waifs just haven't what we're into physically). We both have & love draping hair, so that's another plus for women with long hair (extensions are fine).

Concerning personality--that's my wife's deal. I can get along with anyone as long as they're harmonious & they've some sense of humor. She favors compassion, open-mindedness, honesty, fairness, humor, devotion, affectionate, engaging, (insert typical quality that women cherish here). lol~ Only kidding... Another major plus with her is massage. If you're a masseuse, massage student, or just a huge fan of massage, that would probably trump over every other you've got to offer.

I know we've been quite specific in want we need in a woman, but the best foundation for the type relationship we're aiming toward is honesty. If you're a woman who truly & dearly believes you'd be a great fit for us, don't let our specifics stop you. We will listen.

As one may imagine, ideally we would love a LTR. However we're more of a "go with the flow" type, & wouldn't mind if an LTR developed from something casual or nothing at all. When my wife first asked about us in a triad, she already knew I was always vastly open-minded & had a wild past.

Yet my past also worked against our goals of a triad, because naturally I either sought out women from My past or those similar to those in my environment back then. Needless to say, the wife wasn't very comfortable with my choice in women. I learned the hard way, she prefers someone more her speed. Truthfully, I think she's just wants a second anchor to ground me. Just messin' honest!

Anyways, Life's short. Although we're patient, we don't play email or text tag, nor share pictures ad nauseum. When you contact us & if we clique, we tend to move pretty fast--especially me. We're also willing to relocate the right woman to us if necessary so don't let distance deter you.

See you soon
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Old 07-04-2013, 08:57 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Oh, I don't think you'll need to worry about many women playing "email tag" with you.

Good luck with that.
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:02 AM
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Ramina Ramina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, I don't think you'll need to worry about many women playing "email tag" with you.

Good luck with that.
Thanks Cindie
We typically run into email tag with people out of state/country. We're completely willing to relocate someone to us, but we also understand uprooting oneself may be too much of a challenge for some.

I don't think we've ever encountered email/text tag on the local level. The longest it ever took for us to meet someone locally was probably 2 weeks & that lady was out of town when we answered her profile. The only issue here in Arizona is finding a LTR, which is partially our fault as the places we frequent don't quite facilitate that kind of relationship. Although we've also been in the lifestyle for years & it's tons of fun, swinging hasn't proven the best path to a lasting triad. lol~

We're optimistic we'll find that special lady for our triad soon enough. I think the key may rest in using alternative methods like this forum. Something completely different from most dating sites or lifestlye clubs.
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:49 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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What "lifestyle?" This forum is for polyamory. Poly people don't use the code word "lifestyle"to refer to having multiple loving relationships. There is no one poly lifestyle. And the point of my post was that you won't need to worry about playing email tag because I highly doubt you will get many, if at all, responses to your ad. It's quite unrealistic to think you will "find that special lady for your triad soon enough." If you do a little more reading of this forum, perhaps by starting with a tag search for threads on "triads," "unicorns," and "unicorn hunters," maybe you will understand why.
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Last edited by nycindie; 07-05-2013 at 01:58 AM.
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Old 07-05-2013, 07:38 AM
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I think what they mean Nycindie, to be fair, is swinging, they are obviously swingers and that is what they are referring to as in 'we want to find a LTR, but won't find it in the lifestyle clubs we are used to going to...'

Which I understand!

Their mistake is thinking that Polyamory is like swinging but long term rather than occasional. This is a common newbie mistake and I am pretty sure they will soon realise that Polyamory is a different kettle of fish once the Unicorns fail to appear as expected.
They wouldn't be the first couple (or single person) who posted a personal ad before spending time actually reading the forum, this personal section are full of people who have posted and then are never seen again, just as it is full of couples looking for Unicorns who never get a reply (except a snarky comment or two from forum regulars) so the OP are not unique in their ignorance and it is probably unfair to single them out.

To the OP, your personal ad is pretty objectifying and therefore is unlikely to attract anyone to you, despite you being a very handsome couple, I would sincerely suggest you edit it heavily and go and do some reading as previously suggested. This particular link will be a good place to start http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/

Good Luck,
Natja
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Old 07-05-2013, 07:50 AM
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Oh I know what they meant, but my point was that the term doesn't apply to poly. To come here and post using lingo that applies to swinging clearly shows a misunderstanding of where they are posting and what poly is. Furthermore, I never said they were unique - far from it - nor was I singling anyone out. I was simply responding to their particular post, as I do with other people's posts, so I hardly see giving them my feedback as unfair, or even less fair than providing them a link, as you did and others do in response to most unicorn hunters' posts like this.
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Old 07-05-2013, 08:48 PM
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Ramina Ramina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
To the OP, your personal ad is pretty objectifying and therefore is unlikely to attract anyone to you, despite you being a very handsome couple, I would sincerely suggest you edit it heavily and go and do some reading as previously suggested. This particular link will be a good place to start http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/
Thank you Natja However, we're not here to waste anyone's time. It's best being honest from the beginning, rather than string someone along or worse. Worse being, beginning a relationship with less than compatible person, hoping they'd change but having resentment build up due to knowing they won't improve, until the point the relationship shatters, possibly damaging our marriage in the process somehow.

We've carefully considered which qualities we wanted in our third. Is it not right to be open with some of them rather than string someone along? Of my wife & I, I'm the extrovert & tactful one. Within reason, I'm always willing to think of others. The missus however is introverted, but severely candid. If what I posted shakes one's esteem, take solace in the fact my wife is not the OP. For example with Cindie this morning:
Mina checking her cell, "Babe. Our post just got trolled."

Me, "Trolled? How so? Let me take a look. Maybe they're just socially awkward. Labeling someone a Troll, right off the bat is harsh."

Mina, "The troll has posted over 5,000 times in 3 years. There's only 365 days in a year. She's a troll."

Me, "Maybe she's just a lot of time on her hands & is trying to help."

Mina, "You're from NY, right? (Me, Yes) You're a poly, right? (Me, Yes) You've got lots of friends, right? (Me, Yes) When you lived NY, when did you have the time to post 5,000 of anything in any length of time?"

Me, "Honestly...never. Way too much to do in NY. Besides, I'm a face to face, person. You know that."

Mina, "Exactly! Only a lonely troll has that kind of time to spend."

Me, "I'll thank Cindie, share a little more, & we'll see where it goes."

Mina, "Kababaihan kaya! (loosely translated: Women's Intuition) You're wasting your time on them. That woman's a troll, & trolling is contagious. Being quiet & nice, doesn't exclude me from reminding someone when they're rude. She's not worth the time."
That dialogue between my wife & I, is almost verbatim from this morning.


I guess my over-arching points are:
  1. Although patient, we don't want to waste anyone's time or ours.
  2. We don't want to give anyone false hope.
  3. It's not our aim to hurt anyone.
  4. We're not hunting unicorns. The very term "unicorn" suggest an impossibility & lack of self esteem to pursue one's goals. Moreover, we're seeking no composite of qualities in a person that is unreasonable. We have in mind the kind of person we want. We didn't settle with each other, nor will we with anyone else.

Keep in mind, we've 2 children & a nice home life here. Our decision to create a triad was not done on a whim, nor without years between our beginning & now, to come the conclusion that we can have a poly family. We didn't just wake up one morning from under the pile of our fellow lifestylers & thought, "Gee! We ought to have a triad. It sounds cool!" Our oldest child is 9, & we been talking this idea over with her since she was 6. We involved our daughter in making this choice to begin a triad, not that we thought she'd fully understand, but because we fully understand this decision doesn't just affect my wife & I. Not to mention the woman who we start our triad, may have children of her own.

It was a great undertaking by us all, including our family outside our home--our parents, siblings, etc.. What should one sensible do, just pop up with someone new at family events without the family having an idea of our relationship dynamic? Hide it? Nonsense. Anyone who believes any relationship can exist happily, grow & thrive, or even survive, long term under that depth of secrecy, they're not in touch with reality. Period.

This isn't our first rodeo, we're just new to this Polyamory forum. We had a triad once until our ex-third became homesick--among other things to the point she decided to move. At that time weren't financially capable to uproot ourselves & follow her. Plus our ex-third was unsure of herself, not quite certain where she fit with us. She also believed of herself an unnecessary burden to us with all her baggage (children & their fathers, their families, finances, etc.), although we (my wife & I) were completely willing to & did help her however we could. Basically, she needed to center herself & truthfully so did we. While our triad lasted it, was fun, great, warm, loving, a wonderful adventure, but also not meant to be. Since then, we've grown & had time to truly narrow down what we need in our next third.

We're not about to squander the harmony of our family because we decided to invite someone into our lives that is less than compatible to our goal to begin with.If anyone has a problem with the specifics of what we need in a person, them & our family aren't a match from the start. We can work with self esteem issues, that's what families do, but we refuse to entangle our lives with cynics & pessimists. There's meds for that.

Anyways... For those people interested in getting to know us on a deeper level, my apologies for these hostilities. Sometimes one must bear their fangs.

Chat soon
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