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Old 06-27-2013, 02:35 AM
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WingedVictory WingedVictory is offline
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Default What is your "White Picket Fence"?

The "white picket fence" is the supposed ideal life for your average monogomous person. While I realize it's not what every mono person wants, it's the byword (or phrase, as the case may be) for domestic happily ever after.

I've noticed one of the most common happily ever afters people talk about on here is the elusive triad (whether that is via the infamous "unicorn hunt" or not). For them, this is the "white picket fence".

For me, it'd be living in one house with both of my primaries, being open about our relationship(s) with our friends and families, and maybe ([i]maybe[\i]) even having kids - preferably one with each of my guys if we do decide to go there. We have a number of obstacles to this right now, but are doing our best to work through them. I have hope that within a year or two (perhaps more, though I hope not) this could realistically happen.

I'm curious; what is it for others on this board? What is your idea of domestic bliss? Are you living it now? Are you working toward it? Has it changed over time for you? Inquiring minds (or at least mine) want to know.
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:55 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,546

The term "domestic bliss" sort of makes me gag. Anyway, you might enjoy reading some of the existing threads we have here on this topic (feel free to add to them if you want):

Imagine your ideal relationship.

Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

configuration question
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 06-27-2013 at 03:58 AM.
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:55 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,676

N and me living together, partners have their own home. Not interested in house sharing
Sue, hinge in a vee with Nate (Polysexual) and Sam (monogamous)
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:30 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,509

20 acres
5 homes-1 for me, 1 for Maca, 1 for GG, 1 for whoever and 1 for visitors
already have the kids, grandkids, shared living, being out etc.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:01 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I always wanted a house full of cats; then my mother died and left me a house full of cats. Mission accomplished. I am living proof.
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Old 06-27-2013, 06:13 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Mine is relationship with someone I share a home and finances with, maybe another kid or two and both of us to have the time and freedom to also have other relationships or maybe just sex with other people.
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:04 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Location: SoNH
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I'm not poly, but my partner is, so my "white picket fence" ideal has been changing over the last couple years, probably to the point where I don't know what my ideal would be anymore.

After my divorce, I would have eagerly jumped full-bore into another marriage and gone full picket fence, mixed finances/assets, etc., but it seems in hindsight that I didn't really know how to define MYSELF and what I really wanted outside of a particular role (wife).

Now? I'm not keen on the idea of mixing finances or assets. Especially since I purchased my own house post-divorce and don't want to have to lose that for ANYONE.

My retirement ideal would be to move to the city. I consider Boston "my city" but honestly, anywhere urban with a nice public transportation system and some good culture is a good target. If my partner and any of his partners at that time are interested in doing the same, maybe we could all live nearby and save ourselves the drive (and save the other young whippersnappers from us old folk driving and yelling at the "Road Hogs" in our way). Since I have no idea where the future will take us at this point, I'm not hung up on it happening, though.

tl;dr - post-divorce, this is all in flux. No idea what my fences look like anymore, and I'm not sure I'll know until I'm there.

As an aside, this is the one thing that scared the poop out of me, as a newly-divorced mono chick going into a poly relationship - what the HELL is my future going to look like? What can I count on? It doesn't follow the script! Well, apparently neither did my marriage, so even though I had a script, it didn't mean much of a damn. I'm finally (about two years in) getting comfortable with the idea of there being no script, and I don't even really think much about where we'll be in the future. We may still be right where we are now, and that's not a bad thing - it doesn't mean we're "stagnant", and that took some time to realize.

Last edited by YouAreHere; 06-27-2013 at 01:09 PM. Reason: Had another thought...
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Old 07-06-2013, 03:19 PM
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polyAnna317 polyAnna317 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 10

I'd love to be living in one house with both of my primaries, being open about our relationship with our friends and families

Unfortunately I dont see this happening as there are issues right now, but are doing our best to work through them. I am hoping that within a the next couple months (perhaps more, though I hope not) these issues will be gone.
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Old 07-06-2013, 07:08 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,251

Tree house in BC.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 07-08-2013, 07:05 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 192

South of France, somewhere near Marseille or Cassis. Preferably somewhere near the sea, with both my loves and other assorted lovers nearby. Probably living with Fly, with Moonlight in her own place but very close. Getting fat on olive oil and ratatouille, and sloshed on rosé every afternoon. Kitties, chickens, a garden, sunshine and salt water. We have a lot of friends in the area, so people visiting, letting me cook for them, would make my heart happy.

Moonlight would never move overseas, though, so it's mine and Fly's dream, and is sort of our retirement plan. We need to stay put for at least another 9 years, anyway, because of Kiddo's mom.

So, in more near-future terms, my picket fence would be everything as it is, except with Moonlight living closer, hopefully in my neighborhood or next door.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 10-year-old son Kiddo
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