Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-12-2013, 08:04 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 38
Default What to say

Ok so I am in a polyamorus relationship and I actually was talking about having a child with him. Well all was well and good until the wife says I will be mommy and you will be Emaw as per what the child they have together calls me. Am I being oversensitive in my whole being slighty offended that my own flesh and Blood wouldn't call me mommy?

A part of me was like wth? Then another part goes well maybe that's for the best.
Just wanting some advice and wondering how othes feel about ot?
L
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-12-2013, 09:11 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Excuse my French, but Fuck That Shit. Who the hell dies she think she is to say what the child that you conceived will call you. Anyone who said that to me wouldn't get a chance in hell of being anything other than a stranger to my child. I hope her husband metaphorically smacked her down to size.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-12-2013, 10:17 AM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northeast
Posts: 66
Default

Just ignore it, she can't tell you what your own child calls you. The baby isn't born yet. Live in the present with an eye on the future. Don't live in the future, you can't control it or predict it.
__________________
Me- Bi-female-early 40s- Single Mom to 2 young boys
Exploring & having fun for the time being after a long & unhappy marriage

There is no failure. Only feedback. -Robert Allen
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-12-2013, 12:07 PM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45
Default

Nope nope nope. That would not fly with me.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-12-2013, 12:24 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 743
Default

Is she saying that you can have a child with him, but only as THEIR surrogate? And be completely unacknowledged as that child's parent at all?

I would be MORE than slightly offended that my own child would be raised as someone else's. Unless you're prepared to sign over your parental rights, put your foot down. Now.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-12-2013, 12:26 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 743
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
Just ignore it, she can't tell you what your own child calls you. The baby isn't born yet. Live in the present with an eye on the future. Don't live in the future, you can't control it or predict it.
Ignoring it doesn't mitigate the potential mess this is going to make in the future. It's like having health insurance... best to take a look at what may happen and take steps to ensure that it doesn't, or to have a plan if it does. THEN be a leaf on the wind if you want, knowing that you're covered.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-12-2013, 01:33 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
A part of me was like wth? Then another part goes well maybe that's for the best.
Do you plan on raising this kid? If so, you may want to mention that to this other gal because she sounds like she's not aware of this.

Whatever you do PLEASE don't just let this ride out as another poster suggested. Don't do that to a kid... it's not its fault that it was brought into a world where there was a power struggle between "mothers"

At the very least, put this pregnancy issue on hold until this power struggle is completely resolved.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single

Last edited by Marcus; 06-12-2013 at 01:36 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-12-2013, 01:42 PM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northeast
Posts: 66
Default

I was not suggesting to ignore this issue forever & hope it will go away. Just take a step back for now & revisit it in a bit. Unless the baby is due any day, it sounds like you have a little time to figure this out. It also sounds like she has some control issues which I find disturbing.
__________________
Me- Bi-female-early 40s- Single Mom to 2 young boys
Exploring & having fun for the time being after a long & unhappy marriage

There is no failure. Only feedback. -Robert Allen
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-12-2013, 02:02 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,275
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
I was not suggesting to ignore this issue forever & hope it will go away. Just take a step back for now & revisit it in a bit. Unless the baby is due any day, it sounds like you have a little time to figure this out. It also sounds like she has some control issues which I find disturbing.
That's not what I got from your first post, gracias for the clarification.

I'm not familiar with the OP but it sounds like there might be some D/s stuff going on. Certainly there is some kind of power struggle in play. Before a child discussion even STARTS I would hope they figure that stuff out first.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-12-2013, 03:24 PM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 38
Default

To clearify we don't have a D/s relationship outside of minor bedroom kink. I personally am in a mood today. I don't feel much like this relationship is going to work unless some things change rather quickly.
L
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:05 PM.