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Old 07-15-2009, 12:57 AM
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Question How do you acheive compersion?

Being new to the Poly lifestyle and ideas, although they seem to be coming rather naturally to me, I was curious how everyone deals with and achieves compersion, besides communication that is. Communication is the cornerstone in all relationships but even more so in poly and open relationships. But sometimes you can talk to a person until they are blue in the face and they have yet to understand what you are saying and meaning.

So how do you or your S.O.'s achieve compersion?

*I hope this makes sense*
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Old 07-15-2009, 04:31 AM
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For me personally, I didn't have to "achieve" compersion.... it just IS for me. Compersion actually comes as easily to me as breathing.
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Old 07-15-2009, 05:39 AM
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I feel Alot like Alli.. It comes naturally. I love the fact that those I love and desire also love and desire each other. I feel a complete forfilment.
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Old 07-15-2009, 05:44 AM
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Thanks for the replies.

Ok, let me add on... I know that for some it comes naturally. I feel for me it might although it hasn't come up yet. But how about those who it doesn't come naturally for? Say the S.O. who agrees to open their relationship up but not partake in the "openness". They need to "find" compersion and although we'd love to believe that it comes as easily as "I want you to be happy" would, it probably doesn't.

So was it just as easy for your partner(s) to feel compersion? For the non-poly side of a poly relation, does it just "come naturally" or did you have to work on it and if so, anything in particular that helped you/them?
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:30 PM
tigrrrlily tigrrrlily is offline
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What's compersion, please?
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Old 07-15-2009, 08:06 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Compersion is not an issue for me. Earlier in life it may have been, but at this stage whatever pleases my spouse is fine with me. But then again, I'm more easily the poly one in the house! My mono wife was unaware of the word and it's meaning til I recently gave her info on it. A book is also on the way to her, too!

To strictly trained, society molded monogomists, tight control over one's spouse is very ingrained. My wife has always given me the freedom in our life together, to make decisions, undertake challenges, travel extensively and live freely, within the confines of our marriage (monogomy), knowing she was completely secure in her place. Going poly however, has really challenged her. I am hopeful that as we discuss the topic of compersion (living with my other love in this "V" with her secure) that she will be able to experience this 3 way love in the same way, that she has with other topics at other times in our marriage. She really wants me to be happy. I want to be happy. Our 3rd loves seeing both of us happy and we complete her life. It should be a "win-win-win" for everybody. I hope so.
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Old 07-15-2009, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigrrrlily View Post
What's compersion, please?
According to http://www.lovemore.com/terms.html

Compersion n 1: taking joy or pleasure in someone elseís joy, pleasure or happiness 2: feeling joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's.
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vandalin View Post
I feel for me it might although it hasn't come up yet. But how about those who it doesn't come naturally for? Say the S.O. who agrees to open their relationship up but not partake in the "openness". They need to "find" compersion and although we'd love to believe that it comes as easily as "I want you to be happy" would, it probably doesn't.

So was it just as easy for your partner(s) to feel compersion? For the non-poly side of a poly relation, does it just "come naturally" or did you have to work on it and if so, anything in particular that helped you/them?
I hate to say it it but I suck at compersion when it comes to my husband and the others he has had. They are never good enough for me and I often feel very certain that he needs no one else but me, so why is he looking. His success has not been good when it comes to women that are actually capable and willing to love him as much as he expects and he often ends up hurt and disillusioned. Perhaps this has something to do with my hesitancy to be happy for him?

Maybe I am not very good at not being jealous? In fact this fits better for me. Jealousy indicates that there is something a miss in my life and I need to get in touch with what that might be fast before I go crazy.

My husband is incredible with his compersion. He has put up with so much in me. I am somewhat of a free spirit and have had many adventures that other men would simply not put up with... he has struggled but has always known that the freedom he gives me keeps me loving him and staying in our relationship. In being happy that I am living my life to the fullest he is gaining his own happiness and living his life to the fullest as I am able to offer him what he needs.
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Old 07-16-2009, 06:49 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Redpepper, it sounds like you're a little protective of your hubby and his feelings! I get the message my wife is worried about me being hurt, too, should things ever go south with my other life-love. It's wonderful that we have such loving concerned spouses. We are indeed lucky. Am surprised to hear yourself be so critical of your own compersion abilities though. I bet you really are better at it than you think.
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Old 04-11-2011, 05:38 PM
curlyQhoopDidoo curlyQhoopDidoo is offline
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Default Sypathetic Joy, Non-attachment, Challenges etc.

hello friends (:

I was hoping to hear about your experiences with sympathetic joy, self identity, and your struggles as you embark on different adventures.

What do you think of sympathetic joy (the idea of feeling happy because someone you love is happy, even if they are happy because of someone else)?

To me it seems really logical, but very difficult.

Is it hard to experience sympathetic joy sometimes? What do you do when you are feeling jealously, or envy creeping up on you?

It seems like somewhere in the roots of sympathetic joy is the idea of non-attachment, or the idea that we only hurt ourselves with attachment and the false sense of security it brings.

Has your experience with polyamorous relationships seemed more realistic at all, in the sense that you are less possessive of your loves and/or more accepting of the idea that (unfortunately) we will all have to say goodbye to one another eventually?

How has your experience helped you to be more true to yourself and to find your true identity?

Lastly, given the society that we live in and its prescribed ideas of heteronormativity and monogamy as a norm, what struggles have you had as you have challenged these ideas?

Has it been worth it? What would you say to the closed minded if you could tell them or try to teach them anything you believe in?

Thanks! Can't wait to hear from you guys

(: (: curlyqhooper
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