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Old 05-20-2013, 04:17 AM
pertparty369 pertparty369 is offline
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Question To Poly or not

I am new so Ill just jump right in.I am 30, have muscular dystrophy and am in a wheelchair, I have been in a monogamous relationship with my BF(35) for the past 11 years and we have been living together at my mothers house. My BF moved out to another town about 45 mins away claiming it was to do something on his own. 2 weeks later I found out he was seeing another guy(19) and living in the same house, seperate bedrooms without my knowing for the past 6 months. He says they haven't had sex yet do to ED, which was a slight friction point during our relationship. It broke my heart I cried for 2 days, and the other guy suggested a 3 person relationship. My BF says he loves us both and wants to continue our relationship along with the other guy. I still love my BF, my mind is doubting it will work but my heart wants it to. I am not sure what to decide. To Poly or not to Poly.
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Old 05-20-2013, 04:56 AM
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CandyBunnii CandyBunnii is offline
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Try it.

If you choose not to, then you'll risk losing your boyfriend.
If you choose to do it, then you'll have two boyfriends. If it works, awesome you kept your primary bf and gained another one. If it doesn't, you'll lose your bf.

Worse case scenario between the two is the exact same, so it's much better to choose the best case scenario between the two: to try poly.
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Old 05-20-2013, 10:01 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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A "three person relationship" doesn't necessarily imply that pertparty gains a boyfriend; not everyone in a poly relationship is automatically involved with everyone else.

Pertparty, your aim shouldn't be to try anything you can think of to keep your BF, the first thing to do is work out if you still want to have anything to do with him. Do you feel that you can forgive your BF cheating on you?
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Old 05-20-2013, 01:30 PM
Rosque Rosque is offline
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Well I guess I sometimes have a bit of a boys perspective, although I do not consider myself one nor would I ever be deisred to be called one, nor in anyway should my familiarty or fears regarding their form, be construed against me in prejudice, however… I do know that for a poly-boy,[and by Extension man], Fidelity in a monogamous relationship may be impossible in that either one fails in providing monogamous affection or ones health appears to deteriorate physically or mentally. I guess I’m not without dating experience although I may look at it. Anymeans in such case, it is only really possible for him to be happy with you if you accept his nature.

Last edited by Rosque; 05-20-2013 at 01:34 PM.
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Old 05-21-2013, 09:15 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosque View Post
I do know that for a poly-boy,[and by Extension man], Fidelity in a monogamous relationship may be impossible in that either one fails in providing monogamous affection or ones health appears to deteriorate physically or mentally.
In which case you either negotiate with your existing partner for a poly outcome or break up with them and start afresh with a stated "Poly only" policy up front. You don't lie and sneak around behind your partner's back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosque View Post
Anymeans in such case, it is only really possible for him to be happy with you if you accept his nature.
Which in no way means that he's worth making the adjustment for.
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Old 05-21-2013, 09:18 AM
Rosque Rosque is offline
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Then it's much simpler than represented just break up.
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Old 05-20-2013, 03:20 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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I'm with Emm in that your primary goal should be to figure your own shit out (though put much more eloquently by Emm) first. The decision about whether or not to enter into this new arrangement should come *after* you've decided if you even want to stay with this lying clown.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CandyBunnii View Post
Try it.

If you choose not to, then you'll risk losing your boyfriend.
If you choose to do it, then you'll have two boyfriends. If it works, awesome you kept your primary bf and gained another one. If it doesn't, you'll lose your bf.

Worse case scenario between the two is the exact same, so it's much better to choose the best case scenario between the two: to try poly.
If you do decide you want to stick with this guy, I agree with Candy here. Like anything else, sometimes we need to try new things to see if they work for us, certainly when there is a potential loss if we don't. Now that is not to say that we should change who we are or try and jam ourselves into a puzzle slot that just doesn't fit us, but *trying* something new to find out is not a bad thing.
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