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Old 04-28-2013, 03:11 PM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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Default Need advice

So obviously open relationships are quite private. For me this means I only have my partner to talk to. So I've joined this forum for help and advice because I'm a little lost.

So basically my story is that my partner and I had discussed and agreed on an open relationship. So it started 6 mths ago with Mr going out with a lady he was kind of friends with. I'm quite nervous and struggled to get things rolling, final did 5 mths after he started and have had only one meet with another guy.

Through the duration of Mr meeting his friend I found my self becoming quite jealousy and started to really struggle with the whole situation. Always read his msg from her etc started to go a little crazy. Anyway one thing lead to another and he ended up falling in love with her. We said it would all be okay because she was leaving the country for a few yrs and it will all end.

So now she has left and Mr is broken and confused. He says he loves both of us and doesn't know what to do. They are still very much in contact. He is traveling with her further into the yr for a few weeks. After I found out that he had fallen in love with her we agreed that the sexual relationships had to end after this trip, but they could still remain friends, which he was okay with when we agreed to it. But things have changed since then and the friend is saying if it ends then it ends and she wants to move on with her life if she can't have him. So he doesn't know what option to choose, Me and our kids and never see her again. Or her and leave me and the kids. Obviously we would do what ever we could to keep it as happy and calm for our kids as possible.

So this is my story, a little ironic really. I had reservations about an open relationship because of this reason. One of us fallen in love with someone else.

He still loves me, but he has changed he is upset and very quite all day doesn't seem to want to be intimate with me, and as soon as she is available to talk online he chirps up and is a little happier. My heart is breaking, I'm hurting and angry. I cry a lot. We've agreed to keep things the way they were between us, but it is so hard, he is hurting and missing her and doesn't seem to want to connect with me anymore. I'm so scared to say anything because if I upset him or make him hurt more, I'll just be pushing him away from choosing me and into the arms of her. This sucks and I blame myself for being so stupid and not putting my foot down and saying enough is enough when I first found out he was in love with her.

What can I do I'm so sad?
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  #2  
Old 04-28-2013, 03:41 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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I realise that the horse has bolted now, but when you agreed upon an open relationship did you explicitly agree that it was to be physical only? Do you now believe your husband to be polyamorous rather than a swinger?

Edit: For clarity, I'm using "swinger" here to mean someone who is non-monogamous in their sexual relationships and who has no desire for or expectation of emotional involvement.

Last edited by Emm; 04-28-2013 at 03:46 PM.
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  #3  
Old 04-28-2013, 05:55 PM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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It was just meant to be sex, no emotional baggage.
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Old 04-28-2013, 05:59 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Why is it a problem for you for your husband to be in love with someone else as well as you? Why do you feel you have to make him choose? Do you perceive that his love for her has been lessening his love for you, or is it instead that it's being forced into this choice that is making him draw away from you?

And, I'm sorry, but, for the record, you do realize that you're at "polyamory.com", which translates to "manyloves.com"?
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Old 04-28-2013, 06:15 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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"So obviously open relationships are quite private." <-- My parents know about all my partners, as do all of my friends, and a few of my co-workers. Same for them -- their parents friends, and some associates know. I'm in love multiple times over and that's ok... it's amazing, actually. I'm less private than some poly people, but just as or even less private than some others.

I don't say any of this stuff to say "you're in the wrong place, get out of here, we won't help you" at all. I hope that you will find help and support here. I point this stuff out just to make sure that you're aware that you seem to be coming from a very different place than most of the people here may be coming from. Perhaps the responses you get will make more sense with that context.
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Old 04-28-2013, 06:47 PM
Greenjade Greenjade is offline
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Yeah sorry, I realised I posted this in the wrong forum after I posted it I did a search for open relationship forums and this was the first that came up. After i posted my thread I started reading some of the other threads and I realised I had made a mistake.

Sorry will delete my thread
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