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Old 04-28-2013, 01:25 AM
Velvetraven Velvetraven is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Default Long Story But Need Advice

New to this and very confused. I guess I will just get right to it..My husband and I are newlyweds. We dated in high school(21 years ago) and were reunited almost 2 years ago. At the time that we got married there was a chance that I was seriously sick and to be honest I was very scared. We had not been back together very long and I proposed. And he said yes. Having a wedding was made impossible for us(longer story)so we eloped. We have had some trying times as several of my husbands friends and family members are not happy with me at the moment. My husband is shy and reserved and I have helped him come out of his shell. He has made some life changes that he needed to make for himself. In order for us to have a chance at our marriage without outside interference we moved.

We have been making new friends..or at least trying to. And 4 months ago made friends with our neighbor. Now I am the kind of woman who does not get along with women all that well and the majority of my friends tend to be men. The female friends that I have are few and far between. I have a foul mouth at times and a crude sense of humor all which my husband has no problem with. I am not shocked by comments made by men for the most part and will usually participate in bs banter with my guy friends and sometimes it is sexual in nature. And this sort of banter has taken place between myself and the neighbor with hubby's encouragement. Now there were things that I did not think about when I got married. I have had a sex bucket list of sorts and one of those things was to be with 2 men that has not been taken off the list. A lot of men just don't go for this sort of thing, but somehow it was brought up between my husband and I. And he said that if this was something that I wanted with our neighbor then it was ok. And we have even spoke in detail about everything that could be involved, sexually. And he is happy to make me happy. I discussed this with our friend and he is interested in this as well. I decided that before taking this step I wanted to know our friend a little better. So we have spent time together talking and hanging out. And yes with hubby's ok. We have discovered however that we really like each other. And there could possibly be other feelings also. My friend has had some serious health issues and the very act of sex could kill him. He has had some bad relationships as well as I have but not many people haven't gone through that at least once. Has even been suicidal in the past(also something we have in common) but not anymore and not for awhile. But all of this has left him feeling pretty bad about himself. He said since meeting me...he has a reason to smile, doesn't hate life as much anymore, and looks forward to when we get to talk or even be around each other. I feel the same way.

Now not forgetting my husband or my marriage. My hubby and I don't really fight. Normal married couple bickering..we always talk things through. Money wise we are not where we need to be but we are surviving. Our sex life is improving(hubby a little inexperienced) but we are working to improve that. We have a ton in common and love the time we have together. The only thing I could say that I do not like about our marriage is that my husband is very sensitive. Don't get me wrong I like that he is but it can take a toll on me at times when trying to talk to him about my feelings. I suffer from a mental ailment that can make me difficult to deal with at times. He is the type that will think he is doing something wrong even when he isn't. My marriage isn't bad, I am not looking for a way out and do not desire that. I am not looking for an excuse to have sex or make love to another man. I am also Bi and have been given permission to have a girlfriend and he wants no part of having another woman. I love him very much. But I cannot deny my other feelings for our friend. And I don't want to deny those feelings either. I will not say that I am in love with him but things happen. I certainly wasn't expecting any of this. I want to ask my husband for an open marriage. I don't have any interest in random affairs. But not sure how he will feel about this. He has already agreed to share me in the most intimate way possible with our friend. So I don't see where a snuggle or a movie date or personal time with each other would be bad. I spoke to our friend about this and his response was he was good with this..if this is what is able to be done. As long as he gets me sometimes. He does not want to ruin a marriage or hurt my husband. As I mentioned before our friend has health issues. He was actually given about 8 months to live. He doesn't want to hurt me if and when this should happen but spending what he could of his final days with me would make life seem like it was worth something. He didn't even want to tell me he had any feelings for me at all. But stated that he hadn't felt like this in a long time and he didn't want to die without me knowing how he felt. I feel like I have enough love and time for both my husband and our friend. Is this selfish? And how do I ask my husband to do this?
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:58 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,330

If you want to KNOW, you have to ASK.

What method do you prefer? Ask him verbally? Or print the post and have him read it? Or something else?

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