Childfree (and poly)

[jokutus]

My wife and I are childfree and we recently opened up our marriage... With our childfree lifestyle, it seems to make being poly extemely easy. I was wondering how many people have decided to live the childfree/poly life. We are lucky because we are friends with 2 other poly/childfree couples so we all pretty much click as a "family" unit. Anyone want to share their thoughts?

[kamala]

I guess I consider myself both childfree and poly. I wonder if the same attitude to life in general (ie, that the quality and tone of your living is more a thing of your own creation rather than fulfilling a preset model that everyone else in your culture does) informs both poly and opting out of having children.

Actually, thinking of it now, the worst kind of response is usually the same for both: "It's not natural, you must secretly want to, you must be crazy/in denial, that's just the way it is, you'll regret it..."

In general I'm enjoying bucking cultural gender norms at the moment - sometimes you only see how firmly ingrained these things are when you actively reject them, ie being moody and emotional, needy and dependent, wanting to nurture kids, wanting to make house, being soft and sweet etc.

While I actually am some of those things, choosing to not have kids (like choosing to be poly) showed me which of them I actually WANT to be

[NeonKaos]

I am also CF and admin on a certain CF forum under another username. There are a few other CF people on here who don't post very often.

[joyfulgirl26]

*raises hand*

happily childfree.

i definitely agree that not having kids in the picture makes the logistics a little less complicated!

[immaterial]

Child free, relationship free, completely free. At the moment. It sure is simple. :-)

Immaterial

[booklady78]

We are childfree I probably wouldn't be able to conceive without fertility treatments, although I've never had a strong desire to have kids anyway. It certainly makes being poly alot easier, it's hard enough to balance extra relationships let alone adding young un's to the mix! But people make it work, you make time for what matters

[Rarechild]

Originally Posted by jokutus

My wife and I are childfree and we recently opened up our marriage... With our childfree lifestyle, it seems to make being poly extemely easy. I was wondering how many people have decided to live the childfree/poly life. We are lucky because we are friends with 2 other poly/childfree couples so we all pretty much click as a "family" unit. Anyone want to share their thoughts?

I sure am glad to be without any children at this point in my life, and have had experiences that put me face to face with parenthood, so no, I'm not child-free. I am, however, grateful to have done my worst bumbling around with life (I hope) without the responsibility of caring for and shaping another's life.

That includes this first five years of my marriage, and all the growth that gave us as people. I may be ready to have a child when I finish school, but will not accept having a child until I have accomplished that goal and have some flippin health insurance at least.

If it's not in the cards, both of us can accept it. I find myself not recoiling entirely these days, and that's something for me. I have always been very sure that the right time had not yet come, although I have always wanted to be a parent, a really good one.

I am sure everything is more complicated with more humans involved, so I'm sure poly is no exception when it comes to the complexity, stress level, unique challenges, and victories parents experience.

When and if I have a kid, I want to be passionate, not just accepting of the responsibility. I tend to not want to do something at all if it really means something to me and I don't have the proper tools to do it justice just yet.

-R