Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-27-2010, 04:49 PM
Nakedone Nakedone is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5
Default The Many Types of Polyamory

This is my first visit to this site. But it is not my first time to experience what is discussed her. I have had a number of experiences which could be called "polyamory", even though they were very different.

I am very aware that there are many different "kinds" of polyamory, and that nearly everyone will have a different definition, so I will give mine and attempt to help others organize their thinking on this very "outrageous" topic.

One thing that seems to be basic to all defiinitions is that there are at least three people involved in a sexual relationship of some kind. But, beyond that, the varieties are many!

From my own experience, the most "usual" polyamory relationship involves two men and one woman. And, in most cases, one of the men will be the husband of the one woman involved. But, not always.

I, personally, have been involved in MFM sexual situations in which the woman was my wife; in others where the woman was the other man's wife; and in still others where neither was married to the one woman. Of all those relationships, my estimate is that sixty percent of them were those involving my wife and me and one other man. Another thirty would have involved a woman, another man, and me, and neither of us was married to her. Only the other ten percent would have involved me with a married couple.

I would like to discuss the many different kinds of polyamory, either through private messages, or on this open forum. I do want to read the experiences from others and am willing to share my own. Perhaps we can learn from each other in this way.

My question to any who read this is: "How do YOU define Polyamory, and what kinds of three-person sexual relationships have you enjoyed most?"
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-27-2010, 05:33 PM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 622
Default

Hi and welcome

I totally disagree with you. Polyamorous relationships do not have to be sexual. Wikipedia has a good definition ...it is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
- Intimacy and sexuality are two different things. My partner and his SO love each other and are intimate but not sexual as yet (their relationship has been going on like this for years). It may become sexual in the future but the fact that it is not does not lessen any of the issues: they speak together about love; they are naked together; she gives him naked massages and he fondles her breasts; they kiss;he wants her to live with us.

- I don't think mfm dynamics are the most common form of polyamory. You only have to read through the threads to see that. I don't think there is a "most common" form of polyamory, it's so varied.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-27-2010, 06:01 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

sage, what you just described between your partner and his SO does indeed sound "sexual" to me. Just because there is no genital stimulation, penetration or orgasm does not mean it is not sexual. I am sure we all agree about that. You described kissing and fondling of breasts, and naked sensual massages, which are all a form of "sex".

A "non-sexual" romantic, "intimate" relationship would involve things like holding hands, exchanging terms of endearment, candle-light dinners, etc., but when it comes to rolling around naked, with or without orgasm/fluid bonding, the line between "sexual" and "non-sexual" has been crossed.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 12-27-2010 at 06:05 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-27-2010, 06:03 PM
Breathesgirl's Avatar
Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 834
Default

To me a relationship does NOT have to include sex of any sort. It needs to include some sort of connection. Whether that connection is intimate, mental, emotional, sexual or any combination of those doesn't really matter. It must have at least one of those connections.

I have had connections in all of the above and thoroughly enjoyed each and every relationship for what it offered.

Most of my relationships are either not sexual at all or rarely include sex so for me relationships tend toward the intimate rather than the sexual aspect.

I have long thought that the whole of humankind is really polyamorous. We have friends outside our main relationships which fulfill us totally different ways from each other and our main relationships.
__________________
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-27-2010, 06:26 PM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 622
Default

@Neonkaos

That's interesting, maybe I have to rethink their relationship. The line between intimacy and sexuality is very blurry. They don't "roll around", they cuddle and the kisses aren't open-mouthed. She considers herself celibate and holds a boundary around their physical closeness.

I suppose I use this to mitigate the fall-out when I explain the situation to others. "They love each other but it's non-sexual" is an easier way for me to accept their relationship and to come-out. It's also easier for her to get her head around. I think she would still be very uncomfortable if it was put to her that her relationship with Z is sexual.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-27-2010, 06:36 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

I think it's obvious that "rolling around naked" doesn't have to mean that they LITERALLY "roll" around. It is a euphemism for "cuddling" naked or "intimate nudity" (instead of non-sexual "recreational" nudity, such as skinny-dipping). I think it's less sugar-coated and perhaps more crude-sounding than "cuddling", but it basically means the same thing.

As far as I'm concerned, you don't OWE others an explanation that they can "handle" when it comes to whether they'll accept your poly lifestyle choices and how you express yourselves within them, so you don't have to "rethink their relationship" for other people's benefit.

Sorry about the excessive use of quotations; i'm not doing that to sound adversarial, i'm doing it to denote specific terminologies.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-27-2010, 06:38 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Hi, Nakedone. Welcome to the forum. Interesting that a new member is going to help us all organize our thinking on this "outrageous" topic. Really?

I'm trying not to be offensive here, but your post has really triggered me, in that it seems to assume that you possess superior knowledge and experience concerning polyamory. Perhaps that was not your intention.

Like sage, I also completely disagree with your "definition" of polyamory. I would encourage you to read through some of the other threads, especially the stickies in this "New to Poly" section and the "Golden Nuggets" section. In fact, here's a link to the glossary and definitions: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720

This is old ground you're covering, and consensus has already been reached.

Last edited by Fidelia; 12-27-2010 at 07:51 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-27-2010, 09:42 PM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nakedone View Post
I, personally, have been involved in MFM sexual situations in which the woman was my wife; in others where the woman was the other man's wife; and in still others where neither was married to the one woman. Of all those relationships, my estimate is that sixty percent of them were those involving my wife and me and one other man. Another thirty would have involved a woman, another man, and me, and neither of us was married to her. Only the other ten percent would have involved me with a married couple...

My question to any who read this is: "How do YOU define Polyamory, and what kinds of three-person sexual relationships have you enjoyed most?"
What you're describing here sounds like swinging to me, not polyamory. If it's just sex, it's not polyamory.

Poly - amory means many loves, so one who is polyamorous would have or is inclined to have more than one "love" partner. Sex may or may not be part of those partnerships.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-27-2010, 10:50 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default

Hi Nakedone,

Yea, as others have alluded to, I suspect you have some catching up to do
Seems you've fallen for some of the many of the mis-perceptions circulating in common society. I'd say welcome and jump right in and get an education !
Polyamory - as the term implies - is about a LOT more than sexual activity, although that MAY be a part of it in the majority of cases (far from all).

Common error to many people.

Keep reading & learning. It will start to click in. Then it will make more sense.

Good luck.

GS
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-28-2010, 12:19 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nakedone View Post
This is my first visit to this site. But it is not my first time to experience what is discussed her. I have had a number of experiences which could be called "polyamory", even though they were very different.

I am very aware that there are many different "kinds" of polyamory, and that nearly everyone will have a different definition, so I will give mine and attempt to help others organize their thinking on this very "outrageous" topic.

One thing that seems to be basic to all defiinitions is that there are at least three people involved in a sexual relationship of some kind. But, beyond that, the varieties are many!

From my own experience, the most "usual" polyamory relationship involves two men and one woman. And, in most cases, one of the men will be the husband of the one woman involved. But, not always.

I, personally, have been involved in MFM sexual situations in which the woman was my wife; in others where the woman was the other man's wife; and in still others where neither was married to the one woman. Of all those relationships, my estimate is that sixty percent of them were those involving my wife and me and one other man. Another thirty would have involved a woman, another man, and me, and neither of us was married to her. Only the other ten percent would have involved me with a married couple.

I would like to discuss the many different kinds of polyamory, either through private messages, or on this open forum. I do want to read the experiences from others and am willing to share my own. Perhaps we can learn from each other in this way.

My question to any who read this is: "How do YOU define Polyamory, and what kinds of three-person sexual relationships have you enjoyed most?"
I was a little triggered also actually. A lot of us have worked hard on here and in our lives to come to a respectful acceptance that we know little about any one elses poly but our own... check out a "tag search" on "descriptive" and "prescriptive" to see the debate and discussions of the past and you will see what I talk of.

I also think you should check our the media section for the court case that is going on in Canada BC as it is an argument that includes this very topic, "what is the definition of poly?"

It seems my peers have gotten on you about all this and so I won't go on about it except to say that the main consensus seems to be that poly is not about sex specifically, but a healthy love for each other. It's a mind set that permeates ones entire life. It encompasses some basic principles for me that set a foundation for any solid relationship ... I have written about this all on numerous threads over the last two years. but basically if you read some threads in the stickies and do tag searches ("rules," "foundations," for a start) on all of this you will find my opinion.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:51 AM.