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  #1  
Old 12-24-2010, 12:05 AM
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kala83 kala83 is offline
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Default long distance and poly??

so I find myself in quite a callenging spot in my life, I have meet an amazing boy and an amazing girl that I have know for almost a month now that I've been dating.
the main issue is that I am moving away to st.louis here in only a few months due to school and will be gone for 18 months I feel incredibly guilty over this cause I had to real intension of seeking out a relationship which I know sounds very, very cheezy cause no really goes and does that with any relationships.
but I have been in a fair share of long distance relationships before and its very hard on relationships to have distance between you.
and I have just been emtionally kind of beating my up for putting this lovely relationship into a stressed situation.

with all that being said me the boy and the girl have talked multiple times about me finding ways to come back up and visit them on weekends (not all of course but a few if I can manage) and the boy has family in the st.louis area and he is more then happy to try and look at the idea of coming up and spending nights over at the place with me.

some how in the pit of my stomach through all this stress i do think there is a way I can get through all of this and make it work......I just like said know form my past experince thats its not an easy road to take.

but I have a good amount of friends in the st.louis area that I am sure can be more then helpful with being there for me as emtional support. I do worry a little bit that I might meet someone while in st.louis doing school and begin dating them.
I know for certain if I do date anyone I want to be up front with them from the start that I am in a poly relationship.....and I don't plan on ditching my bf or gf any time soon. And in even with all that I do think I could be able to work at if it came up.
my gf and bf both know I am open to the idea of dating...and maybe trying to find a second bf.....if the fates allowed.

the most important thing I need to bare in mind is communication....I need to make sure I have that with them and with anyone else.....and the power of positive thinking is also most helpful tool also lol so yes as lame as it sounds I am just tying to think positively mostly I just wanted to rant...cause even though I am close with my family and some of them do know about me having a gf and bf its not something that the family really enjoys bringing up around me and I kind of just gave up on the idea of discussing personal life stuff with family to avoid complications in general for a while now.

so here is really the only place I have to truly vent and connect with others.
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  #2  
Old 12-26-2010, 01:30 AM
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did you want responses to your post? I am unclear... as you have question marks after your thread title. If you want me to move this elsewhere so you might get responses I can do that for you... otherwise, it's find where it is.
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Old 12-27-2010, 04:36 AM
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I don't think I wanted an question answered more I just wanted to get some positive feedback to help with my mood on this since I am un sure how to feel....lol so yeah maybe it should be somewhere else.

sorry about that i am still new to the forums and I am not sure where all everything goes. Really I just wanted to share my experience that is going on right now and get a lil bit of friendly support from others.
or know if anyone had gone through anything similar.
but did not aim to confuse and I apologize if I did.
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Old 12-27-2010, 06:26 AM
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No problem, it can be moved.
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Old 12-27-2010, 07:04 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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Long distance for 18 months? That's like running backwards for 18 months. A few months can be achieved when you've only known them a short time, but 18 months is too long. Even if you tell them you'll try, the only way it's going to end is with you miserable or seeing other people then neglecting them.

Most people don't want to give up what they've got until they've got something better, so it's not like you wouldn't have company in that club.
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Old 12-27-2010, 10:55 AM
carl carl is offline
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lol. try 9 years in a long distance relationship. in 2 separate countries no less.
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:11 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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LDRs, like any other relationship, can work if all parties involved want them to work...period. The same things that we constantly talk about as being 'key' to poly relationships, mono relationships, and the like are the same components that are 'key' in an ldr. You can do 'whatever' you desire as long as you approach everything sincerely, honestly, and with great effort. I have had multiple long distance relationships and, at times, have had a greater connection and received more of the support I desired from my 'miles away' partner than I did from a partner that was closer to me.

I think it is important for you, your bf, and your gf to sit down and really weigh your desire to pursue the relationship, the pros and cons of the circumstances, what each of you are willing to compromise in order to make this work, and come to a mutual agreement about how you wish to proceed.

I wish you the best of everything.
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Old 12-29-2010, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eklctc View Post
LDRs, like any other relationship, can work if all parties involved want them to work...period. The same things that we constantly talk about as being 'key' to poly relationships, mono relationships, and the like are the same components that are 'key' in an ldr. You can do 'whatever' you desire as long as you approach everything sincerely, honestly, and with great effort. I have had multiple long distance relationships and, at times, have had a greater connection and received more of the support I desired from my 'miles away' partner than I did from a partner that was closer to me.

I think it is important for you, your bf, and your gf to sit down and really weigh your desire to pursue the relationship, the pros and cons of the circumstances, what each of you are willing to compromise in order to make this work, and come to a mutual agreement about how you wish to proceed.

I wish you the best of everything.
Same here. My most loving relationship was with someone who lived a while away. We were lucky seeing each other once a month at times.
Unfortunately, the effort was not put in to keeping that relationship strong and there was a lot of miscommunication, which only made things harder.
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