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  #1  
Old 12-21-2010, 10:43 AM
pixie pixie is offline
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Default Showing affection in front of other partners

I was just wondering if people could share, how comfortable/acceptable it is in their own situations to show physical affection when other partners are there (in vee-type relationships, I mean, not triads where obviously that would be different!)


What I mean is, if you have two (or more) partners who do not have a relationship between themselves, do you hug/touch arms or legs affectionately/kiss/cuddle/make out with one whilst the other is there, if you are all hanging out together? And in what context is that - partners are on equal footing, or one is primary one is secondary etc? Have you had discussions with each of your partners about what they find comfortable/acceptable about seeing you express physical affection with others?

I'm just learning more about polyamory and working out what I want from my own situation.
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Old 12-21-2010, 12:38 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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I've not yet had experience with it, but it's certainly something I've thought about. It'll be interesting to hear how other people do this.

In my head, it does feel kinda strange if I were just showing affection to one partner. But I think sometimes, people say or do something that just makes you want to hug and kiss them.

Talking with it about your partners and finding out what they are comfortable with beforehand, I would think is a good idea.

If I were one of these partners witnessing the others show affection, I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. In fact, I'd probably be very happy for their love and have a big smile on my face that they were comfortable enough around me to show their love for each other. =]
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:24 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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We are all at a place where any affection I would deem parent appropriate is comfortable for all involved. So, chaste kisses, long hugs, and cuddles are all fine.

It certainly didn't start that way; I think hand-holding was about the limit. But we talked, explored our own comfort levels, and found what was right for us.
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:54 PM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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At first, it was awkward to show any affection in front of each other. I don't think I would ever be comfortable making out in front of one of them, but hugs, kisses and touching now occur regularly between either my husband or boyfriend and I. I very clearly remember meeting my husbands girlfriend for the first time, the 3 of us went for coffee. As she was leaving, he gave her a hug goodbye, his head resting on top of hers. It was beautiful (go compersion!), I really loved being able to see him show such tenderness towards someone else My own personal belief is that showing affection is natural and healthy. Just as kids seeing their parents show affection with hugs and kisses isn't overtly sexual, it's just demonstrating the bond they have with one another.
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Old 12-21-2010, 01:59 PM
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Just as a bit of common sense, I don't think pouncing on any of your partners and sticking your toungue down their throat would be appropriate in any public place, whether you were will other partners or not. It's not something the general public really need to see. =P

I do agree with the beauty of hugs and kisses though. Compersion indeed! I love seeing people happy. =]
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Old 12-21-2010, 02:45 PM
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Making out=no. That is for private moments.

What is your definition of making out? For me it's groping, french kissing, touching private parts, biting & the like.

Hugging, kissing, cuddling are all good. I've been known to sit between my two guys and play footsie with both of them at the same time, lol.

Basically if you would do something in front of your kids and other given family then it's OK to do that thing in front of partners.

I remember when Possibility and I first started dating Breathes and I were at their apartment & preparing to leave. Possibility and I were trading hugs. Breathes walked up behind me and pinched my behind at the same moment Possibility nipped my neck! Surprised and happy was I .
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