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Old 04-04-2013, 04:38 PM
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SweetSensations SweetSensations is offline
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Question When a Man Wants Me to be my ONLY sexual Mate

I am in a DADT with husband who no longer wants sex and I have been upfront about having 2 mates from the beginning but had not followed through with sex with both mates. Another man would only have sex with me once every 2 months so I sought after someone who would fill in those gaps. All was great and my first mate just kind of faded into the background.

My second sexual mate has been with me for 4 months and mostly sees me once a week when he is in town on for business. When I had sex with the first mate over spring break my second mate is feeling slightly jealous and possessive. Here is what happen when I did meet with my second mate during sex.
It seems as if he is claiming his territory. Almost immediately he told me to lay down. He told me he was going to show me what it was like to be wanted. Almost no prep, no foreplay, no fellatio. I He put me on the corner of the mattress entered and started pounding. He asked if I was okay, I'm sure I was wincing or he would not have said anything. I said yes, I just need a little time to get used to you. He started saying this pussy is my pussy no one else's. Tell me baby this is my pussy. I said "It's your pussy Daddy" He said tell me it is my pussy only. Say it. "It is your pussy only daddy." No one else's? "No daddy it is no one else's, only yours" Then he said do I take good care of your pussy? "yes daddy you do" Well then don't share my pussy with anyone else. "okay daddy, it's all yours."
Then later that night I told him. You were claiming your territory by making me say it was your pussy. He said yes, I did it when you were very vulnerable state.

How do I regain the freedom to still have a sexual relationship with others and as little hurt as possible. What would my dialogue look like with this man?
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  #2  
Old 04-04-2013, 05:39 PM
AJ1 AJ1 is offline
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Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
He said yes, I did it when you were very vulnerable state.
Can you elaborate on this? The way it is phrased makes it sounds like it was premeditated - which would be really manipulative.
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Old 04-04-2013, 05:52 PM
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Can you elaborate on this? The way it is phrased makes it sounds like it was premeditated - which would be really manipulative.
I can't, as I have no details. I am sure his intention is to move the direction of one mate. I told him I felt sore after our session. He said good, you won't need another man if I keep you sore. He has a great need to feel wanted/needed as he also does not get sex at home.
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Old 04-04-2013, 05:57 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Maybe he thinks you like it rough. You should talk to him about your wants, needs, and limits.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:12 PM
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Maybe he thinks you like it rough. You should talk to him about your wants, needs, and limits.
About 45 minutes later I am preped and can handle rough. He was so interested in showing me good lovin he forgot or his mind was in a different space. No biggie it may be part of claiming his territory. I adore him anyway and it won't kill me to be sore.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:21 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
About 45 minutes later I am preped and can handle rough. He was so interested in showing me good lovin he forgot or his mind was in a different space. No biggie it may be part of claiming his territory. I adore him anyway and it won't kill me to be sore.
So he sees you as "his territory"? You're ok with that? Is there a D/s dynamic to your relationship with him? It won't "kill" you to be sore, but do you WANT to be sore? Some people do like being sore after sex because it reminds them of the great sex they had. But it doesn't sound like you really enjoyed yourself. It sounds like you're tolerating this treatment but would rather have it done another way.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:16 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetSensations View Post
What would my dialogue look like with this man?
I can't answer for you, but my dialogue with this man would look like:

"Make sure the door hits you on the way out."

Just because someone is in a D/s relationship doesn't mean anything goes. Do you have an arrangement that includes him possessing your body? Does skipping foreplay fall into your predefined limits and negotiations?

Putting someone in a vulnerable state and then pressuring them to make agreements is abusive behaviour, D/s or not. The time to make agreements and discuss boundaries is when everyone is fully clothed, on equal footing, and feeling confident and free to speak their mind... not when you're wanting gratification and you'll say anything to get it. Agreements made under duress don't hold any weight in court, and they sure as shit don't hold any weight in any relationships I'd participate in.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 04-04-2013 at 11:23 PM.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:48 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I would ask him if that was just sex play for the bedroom or if he actually really expects you to be "only his" for 24/7. In reality, you only belong to you, and if you want other partners, his idea that you belong to him is farfetched and a misplaced demand.
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Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
This is how it sounds to me, if things aren't right let me know.
That is not a healthy relationship. My recommendation would be meet with him somewhere where you know you wouldn't be getting back in bed, like a coffee house, and explain to him that you agreed only because of where he put you and that is not a relationship dynamic you agree to.
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
You asked how a dialogue with this man might look:

You: I want to talk about what happened when we had sex the other day. It seems to me like you were using that encounter to tell me that you wanted to be my only lover. Is that, in fact, what you want?
Him: Yes/maybe.
You: Ok. I hear you and I respect you, but that's not what I want. In the moment, I said yes to the idea of being just yours, because, as you pointed out, I was in a very vulnerable state. However, you deserve to know that I don't intend to hold to that. I prefer to make decisions rationally, like this, not in the heat of the moment, so if you want to make decisions about our relationship together in the future please talk to me like this. I'm going to have other lovers if it feels right, because that's what I think is best for me, and I would encourage you to do the same. Knowing that, do you still want to continue our relationship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I can't answer for you, but my dialogue with this man would look like:

Just because someone is in a D/s relationship doesn't mean anything goes. Do you have an arrangement that includes him possessing your body? Does skipping foreplay fall into your predefined limits and negotiations?

Putting someone in a vulnerable state and then pressuring them to make agreements is abusive behaviour, D/s or not. The time to make agreements and discuss boundaries is when everyone is fully clothed, on equal footing, and feeling confident and free to speak their mind... not when you're wanting gratification and you'll say anything to get it.
I liked each of what you contributed and I will take steps to empower myself.
I edited their comments to the most important pieces of them. Please read their entire comments.

I will use the exact dialogue and am very grateful to your responses and thank you for taking the time to respond.
I will report back next Wed. with an update. Thanks again.
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  #9  
Old 04-05-2013, 12:32 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Thank you for letting us know when to expect an update.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
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Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
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Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
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  #10  
Old 04-06-2013, 12:37 AM
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nancyfore nancyfore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I can't answer for you, but my dialogue with this man would look like:

"Make sure the door hits you on the way out."

Just because someone is in a D/s relationship doesn't mean anything goes. Do you have an arrangement that includes him possessing your body? Does skipping foreplay fall into your predefined limits and negotiations?

Putting someone in a vulnerable state and then pressuring them to make agreements is abusive behaviour, D/s or not. The time to make agreements and discuss boundaries is when everyone is fully clothed, on equal footing, and feeling confident and free to speak their mind... not when you're wanting gratification and you'll say anything to get it. Agreements made under duress don't hold any weight in court, and they sure as shit don't hold any weight in any relationships I'd participate in.

Totally agree!!!

I read it almost like you were forced into something you weren't comfortable with??? I was alarmed in reading it quite frankly...you should empower yourself most definitely...
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