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Old 03-28-2013, 04:00 PM
feef feef is offline
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Default From Theory to Practice

I'll try to keep this brief, on why I'm here now.

Age 14 - Strongly identified as asexual - the thought of a partner being romantic or sexual with another person doesn't bother me.
Age 16 - Fall in love with two people. Confused. Resolved pretty quickly: "Hey, why can't I love two people?" Find Franklin Veaux's sprawling web empire. "Yeah, that makes sense!"
Age 18 - Sex drive finally starts booting up. Things are weird, new, and mostly good.

Just in case genders help visualize (I find they do): DK and WK - Gentlemen. Me and TJ - Ladies.

University!
Age 20 - Meet DK. Upfront about wanting to be poly. Date DK for a year before insecurity, fear, and different needs break us up.
Age 21 - Start dating WK. WK asks DK if it's okay, since it's soon after our break up and they're friends. WK finds out I'm poly from somewhere in the friend network, and is cool with it when I tell him.
Age 22 - WK and I are pretty serious. Move in together, meet parents.
Age 23 - I ask DK on a date, despite him living an hour away. Things seem to be a lot better between us, and we're liking it. WK completely ok with whole situation.

So, I'm 24 now. DK asked out another girl (TJ) who lives near him, and here's where shit hits the fan - she's really not comfortable with the whole situation. DK is very determined to make it work.

So.

I'll probably be lurking the forums and trying to gather ideas, strategies, and perspective. I've had poly brain for so long it's really hard to work my head around 'the other side'. We've never spoken, except 'through' DK, which I'm not happy about, but me making the move to contact would really upset her I feel. Ack. We'll see.
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Old 03-29-2013, 03:13 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings feef,
Welcome to our forum.

I can see why that would be a snag, that TJ isn't okay with the whole poly thing, but it mostly seems like a problem for DK and TJ to iron out between each other. It very well might help if TJ meets you in person, so give that a try.

Check out our boards and threads and see what calls to you; post any thoughts or questions you might have. This is a great site where you can learn a lot, as well as meet people and strike up new friendships.

I enjoyed the way you laid out your intro post; it was an easy read and easy to understand. I hope you enjoy your time amongst us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 03-29-2013, 02:01 PM
feef feef is offline
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Thanks for the welcome message, kdt!

Haha, well, I did a bit of lurking first. Seems like a lot of people come here for advice on situations, and laying out the situation can be pretty long and confusing, so, I tried.

It is between TJ and DK, but I'm trying to give all the love and support I can to DK, without comprising my "needs" in the relationship. I really would like to meet her/talk to her, but would rather DK bringing it up as we've never spoken yet, and I wouldn't want her to feel ambushed or pressured.

You know that ol' poly thing that flies around? We move at the pace of the slowest person? I just don't want that pace to be a standstill. I just gotta be patient and see how things go.
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Old 03-29-2013, 04:18 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
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IME people are either basically okay with sharing a lover or they're into the whole monogamy ownership shtick. If TJ breaks out in hives over the prospect of DK sleeping with you I don't see much future there somewhere.
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Old 03-29-2013, 05:46 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re:
Quote:
"You know that ol' poly thing that flies around? We move at the pace of the slowest person? I just don't want that pace to be a standstill."
That's true. It's reasonable to expect some progress, even if it's slow.

You will have to see if TJ develops a tolerance for poly. Some people just aren't wired that way. DK will have to make a decision on what to do about that, if TJ absolutely says "no," Then DK will have to choose.

It seems fine to let DK make the call on when you could meet with TJ. Just be willing to offer whatever support you can.
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:27 PM
feef feef is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
If TJ breaks out in hives over the prospect of DK sleeping with you I don't see much future there somewhere.
That's exactly what the case is right now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417
Some people just aren't wired that way.
Yup, I think it's just difficult for DK or TJ to call it. After being broken up for the day, both were having second thoughts and trying to think of a way to make it work. They're having a cool-off-and-think week after things came to a head a few days ago, so, I'm doing thinking and homework too.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:47 PM
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Continue your thinking and homework, and hopefully DK and TJ will make the best decision for the long-term.
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