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Old 03-18-2013, 11:51 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Default Loevinger's 9 Stages of Development, as applied to relationships

Thanks to reddit I found this today. It's been a long time since my Educational Psychology classes, and if we went over these classifications it was so brief that I don't remember it.

As I read though the descriptions I was reminded more and more of a description of a possible journey into poly, and how one might reach a point of autonomous relationships (or not). It also gave me another way to think about the various way one might react (be it a SO, possible SO, family member, etc) if the idea of poly were presented to them.

So, food for thought for me, and I'm going to look up some books to do further reading.

What do you all think? Potentially useful for discussions of various reactions to poly? Or other ways of being outside of the mainstream, for that matter. Or not so much?
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Old 03-19-2013, 05:29 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Default

The list I linked to had me wondering if, since many of us agree that poly is not more "evolved" than monogamy, just different, it would be fair to say that poly is a more "developed" way of having relationships. But if I look at my partners and where I figure we all fall on the scale, even that doesn't work, because MC is the furthest developed (as those categories are described, anyway) and yet he's the one (of the three of us) who isn't interested in another partner for himself.

Yes, I know, I'm talking to myself at this point. Oh well, that's okay, sometimes it needs to happen! :P
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Old 03-20-2013, 05:07 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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Default

Thanks for sharing this, I didn't know such a scale existed but it is actually something I've been thinking about.

I feel like it's important for me to recognize that people are at different stages of developement in their ego, self-awareness, or whathaveyou; and that depending on the stage they're in they may or may not make for good partners in autonomous-based relationships [insert whatever term you prefer there]. I don't say this from a place of superiority, i.e. I am more and you are less; but rather just from a place of trying to find acceptance of what I can expect from self and others who I might like to be in relationship with.

As far as how others react to the ideas of non-normative relationship structures well.. maybe it is more a matter of recognizing where they are at in their ego-journey and being able to take their judgements and criticism without responding with your own judgement and criticism, thereby not letting them diminish your sense of self and the ideals you are seeking to achieve.

I also found it interesting that she differentiated between guilt and shame, it had not yet occured to me to question the source of those feelings in myself.
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Old 03-20-2013, 06:12 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I like it as another possible scale to consider when dating people.

Ego is not the only yardstick at play when interacting with others but it is certainly something to deal with.

There's motivation and what motivates people.
  • No bad stuff done to me. (punishment)
  • What good stuff is there for me? (reward)
  • What others think of me. (peer pressure)
  • The rules "of the land." (organization rules, state laws, etc)
  • What other people need.

There's the 6 maturity buckets.
  • chronological maturity
  • physical maturity
  • emotional maturity
  • intellectual maturity
  • social maturity <---- I put interpersonal skills there
  • philosophical maturity

There's wellness dimensions -- worried, upset, and/or sick people cannot take things on board well.
  • mental wellness
  • emotional wellness
  • spiritual wellness
  • physical wellness
  • social wellness
  • environmental wellness
  • occuptional wellness
  • financial wellness

Quote:
The list I linked to had me wondering if, since many of us agree that poly is not more "evolved" than monogamy, just different, it would be fair to say that poly is a more "developed" way of having relationships. But if I look at my partners and where I figure we all fall on the scale, even that doesn't work, because MC is the furthest developed (as those categories are described, anyway) and yet he's the one (of the three of us) who isn't interested in another partner for himself.
That's another thing. Desire. Just because one it healthy, fit, well, has the capacity... doesn't have to mean they FEEL like exercising it.

I do not think polyamorous relationships are more "evolved" than monoships.
Relationships are just relationships. Polyamorous relationships just means more people. And in having more people? More variables to contend with in the polymath.

It means dealing with the external layers of each person AND internal layers of the person. External things might be habits, pets, job schedule. Stuff this person comes with that is external to them. Internal things might be stuff like how the process emotional, handle stress, temper, etc. Stuff that springs from within them.

I'm sure there are other yardsticks to think about when dating and being in relationship with people too. Def interesting to think about. Thanks for the link!

Galagirl
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