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Old 11-21-2010, 05:25 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Default Fun Happens Late

Forgive me if the title is misleading; Selene has on Dave Attell while she makes dinner and I find that particular track kind of true. The fun mobile always seems to ride ten minutes behind me; it gets there the moment I've bloody left, or it leaves right before I arrive.

I got tired of writing all my thoughts about my relationship in my journal. I usually reserve that for different things. And even though Selene already explained us, I'm going to do it from my perspective. I think that's most interesting. I would do it now, but goddamn Dave Attell is very loud and very entertaining. Goddamn you coarse humor, ruining my blog time and making me giggle like an idiot. Anyway, I'd rather do this person-by-person. I want to assure all my lovelies that I'm taking my time with our history together and being as thorough as they deserve. You know, as thorough as I can be without boring anybody to tears. Lord knows I already know all this crap.

As a brief overview to leave any possible readers with (or maybe to remind myself...), my relationship is extremely new. Company and I began dating our five metamours on October 15th of this year. See? Very new. We live with Vegeta, Ariel and Thunder in a cramped two bedroom apartment with six cats and a handful of fish. Selene and Andulvar live in their own one-bedroom apartment in the same complex, with their two cats.

Eh... It doesn't sound much like a completed thought, but I guess here's as good a place as any to stop for now. Time to pick up Company from work, and it's raining like nobody's business tonight.
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Old 11-24-2010, 02:38 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Default --Thunder

THUNDER
I'm going to start with Thunder, since I'm in the same room as him.

I first met Thunder in our junior year of high school. After a couple months of knowing each other, we started dating. Since neither of us remember it that well, clearly we weren't very enthusiastic about it. After maybe two weeks, I broke it off and it was pretty mutual. Over those last two years of high school, we became awesome friends.

Thunder is the one who taught me how not to suck ass at Smash Brothers Melee, which was our main form of bonding after high school. We started also playing World of Warcraft together, he being my tank and I being his priest. It sounds dirty already... Well, nothing of great tumult really happened between Thunder and I save for the last year or so when he shacked up with one of our best friends, Wolf. Both of them had come out of very bad breakups, and they sort of fell into their own relationship.

I thought this was great, because it seemed to complete our circle of friends. Everyone before Wolf and Thunder were already engaged. However, this was not exactly meant to be. Wolf got bored, found she wasn't getting what she wanted from Thunder, and broke it off after only a couple months. Thunder was heartbroken and spent a lot of time pining for Wolf, which made my relationship with both people strained. Thunder would talk incessantly about missing her, and when it wasn't about missing her, it was about what a bitch she was.

It took a long time for Thunder to come out of this terrible funk. When he finally did, Wolf was already beginning another relationship that had been kept secret from all of us. I was devastated that she would be so secretive; I always thought we had the kind of relationship where we could tell each other everything. Wolf claimed it was because she didn't trust me enough. Needless to say, I cut her out of my life and left her adrift to fall where she may. I hate secrets more than almost anything else. They break relationships, even if they are sometimes for the best of reasons. Maybe it's no surprise I have this viewpoint now, because at the same time of this catastrophe of information from Wolf, my parents were threatening divorce on one another because my mother had been seeing someone on the side for a year or more. Just a family secret, right?

Well, this hate for secrets is why I was more than a little irritated with Thunder (who is by nature a very secretive person most times) when he began what Ariel and Vegeta lovingly refer to as a booty call. They say it wasn't a relationship really, because there was no commitment. It was simply sex. Either way, Company and I sure crimped that style when we got kicked out of my parents' house and Ariel took us in like stray puppies.

I feel as though I sort of fell into this relationship the way Thunder and Wolf fell into one... but if it's up to me, I will make it much longer-lasting.
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"Love as thou wilt."

Company is my husband. I'm dating Selene, Ariel, Vegeta, Thunder, and Andulvar.
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Old 12-01-2010, 07:32 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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I still get those moments where I think, oh, Wolf would like this. Then I remember that she fucked off.
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Old 12-01-2010, 09:44 PM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Default The Wastelands Between Good Times

For lack of more imaginative language, I'm frustrated as hell. There are a couple problems within my relationship which unfortunately have not been solved due to what Selene lovingly refers to as "life happening". I suppose so, but let me elaborate.

Just before Ariel's two younger brothers came to stay with us for Thanksgiving, I (and every other metamour, from what I hear from them) had a problem with both Ariel and Vegeta. See, they're the kind of couple who want to be around one another a hundred percent of the time. This is an admirable quality, but one that I'm finding lately to be constricting to their metamours. I get quite a bit of time with Ariel, and almost none with Vegeta. Don't get me wrong, I see them and spend time with both of them quite a bit since we live together. What I mean by "time together" is one-on-one alone time where I can further establish my relationship with someone. I don't get this with Vegeta, and I'm not the only one. I haven't said anything to either of them because I've seen Ariel's response to Company wanting time alone with Vegeta. Generally, it's not pleasant. Honestly, I don't want to ask in front of Ariel, anyway. I believe that what is between me and one person is private, unless both of us want it otherwise. If I asked Vegeta for alone time and Ariel answered me, I wouldn't like it at all. I don't answer for Company when one of his metamours asks for something, I don't get into it at all. It's not my relationship and not my place. It's my opinion that a person is responsible for prioritizing themselves and their lives, and that includes meeting the needs of their primary. If they don't, it's something that person needs to deal with... no one else can help you prioritize, because you either learn how to do it, or you don't. Ariel has insecurities that people want Vegeta more than they want her, but when no one is allowed to spend time with Vegeta, of course you hear about Vegeta more. If it were the other way, you would hear about more people wanting to spend time with Ariel, now wouldn't you? I certainly would have the same problem as I do now if the situation were reversed for them.

The bottom line is that my needs as Vegeta's girlfriend are not being met. If she doesn't want to meet those needs, it's a talk we should have together about the future, if any, of our relationship. A talk which does not at any point include Ariel being present. I love her, and I love her a lot, but I don't want her in the middle of my other relationships. That would go for anyone else who tried to do that.

I would have talked with both of them about this problem, but I didn't think it was appropriate with Ariel's brothers around. I don't know if she told them that we're poly, but she said she was uncomfortable with showing affection while they were there. I tried not to let myself feel like I wasn't in a relationship with Ariel; physical contact is a big deal to me when I'm with someone. It affirms a lot better than words.

Then, Vegeta's father passed away. It's extremely rough on Vegeta, and it makes me further want to postpone talking about these things with her to let her have her time. It looks like Ariel keeps trying to watch what everyone's saying and talking about so that Vegeta doesn't cry more about her dad, but I think it's good for her to cry. I think she just needs to get it out and do what she needs to do. I don't know how to console her at all because I've never lost a parent, and I'm not all that sure I would be so sad about it.

This whole situation with the two of them is a big problem for poor Company, too. After Company and I had our last huge fight, in which some violence was involved (we're working on it...), his relationships with them was put on hiatus. He's trying to make it up to them, trying to fix things, but Ariel has put the lock-down on both herself and Vegeta. Any little things he tries are responded to with passive-aggressive attitude and "You don't get to do that because you have to earn back the trust you lost." How is that in any way helpful? It's just like the goddamn credit conundrum you run into when you're young. You need to credit to get credit-- well fuck, how do you get it in the first place? Nobody knows. Oh wait, you go into debt with a credit card.... Great. I don't know what the credit card is going to be an analogy for, or the debt, but I really don't want to find out. Company's extremely unhappy about it all.

The only good that's come out of it is that he's taking my advice and letting it lie for now. There's nothing he can do because for the most part, they won't let him. So now he's focusing more on his relationship with Selene, and it seems to be going very well.

Soon, I'm going to bring up my problems to Vegeta and to Ariel. Her brothers leave today, but I still want to give Vegeta time to grieve. Hopefully I can time it right and get everything solved without intruding on that.
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Company is my husband. I'm dating Selene, Ariel, Vegeta, Thunder, and Andulvar.
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Old 12-02-2010, 12:49 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I have to warn you that it took me five years before I "stopped grieving" over my mother's death, and I'm just now getting to the point where I can even entertain the idea of additional relationships (my mother died in September 2001, two weeks after 9-11).

My wonderful patient husband stood right by me the whole time.

There was nothing I found more irksome than people suggesting that it "should" take this-or-that-amount-of-time to "finish" grieving. It takes many people AT LEAST a year or two, depending on how close they were to whoever died.
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Old 12-02-2010, 01:04 AM
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MariusdeRomanus MariusdeRomanus is offline
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Default Well Whatever Then

After going home briefly for some lunch, Company, Andulvar and I were all greeted with Ariel coming to break up with us. She said she did a lot of soul-searching for herself and that Vegeta did the same, and they're certain that they're not polyamorous. I couldn't stop myself, and even though the things I said could never be faulted for anything, the tone was abrupt, abrasive, almost cold.

I can safely say that I am closing myself off for a little while right now. I want to say that I didn't have the time or the closeness necessary to form emotional bonds, but if that was absolutely never the case, I wouldn't have been dating them to begin with.

Andulvar didn't get those things, so he didn't care very much at all. Thunder didn't really get what he needed either, and he says he's used to getting bad news, so he was relatively fine. Selene... well, instead of letting them tell her themselves, because I knew she wasn't going to react well, I told her. True to her form, she didn't react well and asked me to tell them she didn't want to see or hear from them for a little while. Company isn't taking it very well either; he told me he feels betrayed, like he gave a part of himself to them and they ignored it or something.

We'll get over it eventually, but I don't think we're going to date anyone new. At least nobody except maybe Thunder, who doesn't have a primary and may want to find someone at some point. I suppose it's whatever, and we'll just get over it.

@NeonKaos: I was just wondering if there was an appropriate time to wait before bringing up problems... I certainly didn't want to intrude and be all "By the way, you're a shitty girlfriend" or something. I wouldn't want someone coming at me like that if someone I loved had just died, but I'd never had anything like that happen. I suppose it hardly matters now, since she broke up with me anyway and voided a reason for talks like that. ._.
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"Love as thou wilt."

Company is my husband. I'm dating Selene, Ariel, Vegeta, Thunder, and Andulvar.

Last edited by MariusdeRomanus; 12-02-2010 at 01:08 AM.
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Old 12-02-2010, 01:20 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MariusdeRomanus View Post

@NeonKaos: I was just wondering if there was an appropriate time to wait before bringing up problems... I certainly didn't want to intrude and be all "By the way, you're a shitty girlfriend" or something. I wouldn't want someone coming at me like that if someone I loved had just died, but I'd never had anything like that happen. I suppose it hardly matters now, since she broke up with me anyway and voided a reason for talks like that. ._.
Ugh, what a cluster-fuck (and not in a good way). And I seem to have rubbed Selene the wrong way in her blog-thread. Good thing I'm not part of your household, lol...

Don't know what to tell you except try to be a good FRIEND to Vegeta. That probably means giving her some space, alone or with Ariel.

What helps me when things are out of control (and I do not respond well to stress) is to be thankful for my health, and that could go south at any moment too.

Sorry I don't have anything more useful at this time.
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