Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-08-2013, 01:21 AM
BlazenBurn BlazenBurn is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Default Blending two families into one household?

My two children and I moved into Darling's house with his wife and child. We are having adjustment issues. Darling would like us to all live together as a blended family. Even though his wife and I get along very well, it's like we aren't sure what our roles are now. It's one thing when your husband has a girlfriend, it's another when she moves in with her two lively teens. Darling wants me to be his "wife". Defined as the person who he shares his domestic life with. I don't know that his legal wife is quiet ready for this change. She lives quite a separate life from us but she still is part of our family. I pick up on a discomfort when she sees that I am now doing his laundry or cooking for him. Darling says that they are basically roommates and claims he doesn't see any issues. I just don't think he is picking up on them. I know it is going to take time for all of us to work out the living situation.

My kids are adjusting okay. His Daughter, not so much. She stays in her room all the time and won't come out. Her parents have to coax her to spend anytime with all of us. She definitely is not fond of me. My daughter is her age and would really like to be friends but she is actively ignoring her. It must be very stressful to have a new family brought into her house.

Any suggestions for living as a poly family?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-08-2013, 03:21 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 619
Default

These are three teenagers? Are they all aware of the exact nature of the relationship?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:02 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,788
Default

From what you wrote here, and forgive me for not remembering the gist of your other threads, it sounds like Darling "moved you in" with him and his wife without really consulting her, even though she lives there with her children. Maybe not everyone here is on board with the idea, and there you are making yourself right at home, while she had no say in the matter. I may have understood it incorrectly - did all of you sit down and talk about it beforehand, planning things carefully, or did your bf just decide for everyone else what was going to happen?

Also, you may want to check out our Master Thread: Children and Polyamory - lots of good info there,with questions from people struggling and sharing from people succeeding.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-08-2013 at 04:04 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-08-2013, 05:08 AM
BlazenBurn BlazenBurn is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Default

Originally, we were going to stay here for a few weeks and then relocate to our own place then Darling decided he wanted us to stay here for good. He really didn't discuss that with either his wife or I. When he told her she was very surprised. I sat down and talked to her the next day. She says she is okay with the arrangement.

I'm not sure however this is the right situation for everyone including me. This is her house. She is very protective of her space and her things. Even the room my kids are sleeping in was a guest bedroom and every space is full of her things. She keeps saying she will go in and move things out so that they can at least use the dresser but she hasn't. They are still living out of suitcases.

I guess I just need my own home. I told Darling that and he became very sad saying that he didn't want me to leave him. That he wants to wake up every morning to me. I feel torn.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-08-2013, 05:40 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

If I were the other teenage girl, the one who lived there already, I'd have exploded all over that house by now, leaving a trail of bloody entrails for everyone else to pick out of their hair.

Get the hell out of there, yesterday-ish, like.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-08-2013, 05:55 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552
Default

I don't always agree with BG, but I'm gonna chime in with a HELL YES this time.

Sounds to me like Darling has his own issues, even without Chatty in the picture. He was in denial about the issues with her, now he's in denial about the issues regarding this living situation. And he makes unilateral decisions without consulting ANYONE?? What the crap?!

You have the right to your own space if that's what you want. He should not be guilt tripping you about that. If he wants to wake up to you every morning, you two can discuss him staying at YOUR place (once you have one).
__________________
~~~~~~~~~
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
blended families, children and polyamory

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:03 PM.