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Old 11-12-2010, 02:18 PM
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girlcaleb girlcaleb is offline
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Hi all. I just met a man online this week. He knows that I'm poly and he knows that I have a boyfriend. He is okay with this. He wants to meet up and so do I. I guess I would like to know a few things.

This is the first time I have met someone online that lives in town and actually is interested in me. So I am not sure how to go about telling my boyfriend that I am ready to meet him and possibly let things get physical.

My bf and I both have seen other people but they were people we knew before hand, friends that we already around. This is the first time I want to be with someone he has no ties to.

I'm not sure if this new guy online will be more than just a friend with perks or and actual committed relationship. I would be happy just being friends. We met because of our dogs. We were both online looking for training and walking partners. It just so happened that he is as hot as hot can get and he's also attracted to me.

Yesterday I told him that I would be at a park we both use a lot. Not to really meet but if he was going to be around he was more than welcomed to drive by. I spend time at this park everyday so I didn't think much of it. He did drive by. He got out for a second to meet my dog and I shook his hand.

Then he left to go to work. I was not more than 3 minutes.

Here's the problem: I did not mention it to my bf. I didn't want to really, not until I was sure this new guy was an actual real person. We both want to make plans for our dogs to meet within the next few days. I'm just afraid that my bf will not approve for some reason, like him being okay with the poly stuff was just a jinx. This is the first time I will actually want to be with another man, other than my friend in Seattle, and I'm just worried my bf will change his mind about everything.

I did tell him about the new guy yesterday (but not about the park). He knows that I am into him. He seemed a little put off when I told him. I asked him if he was okay but he kind of didn't talk much about it. He had just gotten home and was moving around a lot, so we didn't have a full convo about it. So I don't know what to think. Maybe I will ask the new guy to meet this weekend with our dogs, since that was the reason we met up online in the first place.


Should I just blurt all of this out to my bf now? I have read around and some of you guys have mentioned that you don't tell your SO about a potential new romance or partner until you are sure you want (and they want) to try anything.

I'm sure that I want to hang with this new guy, and get physical. So I'm just worried I'll be told no by my bf, which opens up a whole new can of worms.

My idea of "my poly" is to be able to see others with support from my primary bf, but what if he doesn't like this new guy? Is it really his place to tell me who I can see? Crap, sorry for all the random issues, But any input would be nice.
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:22 PM
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Another note: I'm a rusher. I rush into everything, video games, bike riding, new projects... etc. It's just the way I am. This new guy is the same. If I see something I want I work to get it, and fast. My bf is different. He's what gamer folks (yes I'm a dork) call a "camper". He sits and plans and over plans and plans some more before he makes a move. So I wonder if he would be worried just because he doesn't understand my social skills. This guy online has some qualities that my bf and I don't share. I don't want this to make my bf feel any less cared for and wanted, but it is nice to talk to someone that shares the same ideas as me.
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Old 11-12-2010, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by girlcaleb View Post
Should I just blurt all of this out to my bf now? I have read around and some of you guys have mentioned that you don't tell your SO about a potential new romance or partner until you are sure you want (and they want) to try anything.

.
I think you should at least tell your boyfriend that you are meeting a guy to hang at the park with your dogs. There's a bit of potential deceit in the making by not talking to him about this because the two of you (the other guy) already know you are exploring each other; be honest with yourself in that and be honest with your boyfriend.
I know the beginning signs of a potentially "less than disclosed" relationship...and this is it.

Good luck and take care
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Old 11-12-2010, 03:49 PM
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Problem solved. I just told my bf. he didn't say much. I told him that me and the new guy will be meeting up this weekend, with the dogs. He's okay with it. I was just worried because it's still new to us. We've talked about being open all this time but when something actually happens it feels totally different then what I had in mind. Thanks for the reply, I needed to hear it.
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Old 11-12-2010, 04:39 PM
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Problem solved. I just told my bf. he didn't say much. I told him that me and the new guy will be meeting up this weekend, with the dogs. He's okay with it. I was just worried because it's still new to us. We've talked about being open all this time but when something actually happens it feels totally different then what I had in mind. Thanks for the reply, I needed to hear it.
Hopefully you are breathing easier now. In my opinion it will give you a better foundation if you talk first and often. Glad to hear he's ok with it
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Old 11-12-2010, 05:07 PM
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Hopefully you are breathing easier now. In my opinion it will give you a better foundation if you talk first and often. Glad to hear he's ok with it
Agreed on this - honesty is always the best policy, IMHO, and from a man's perspective, I'd ALWAYS rather know than not, even if I didn't like the guy.
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Old 11-13-2010, 01:48 PM
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Hey guys. All is well today. I asked my bf a few more times just make sure he was okay with everything. He just wants me to be safe. It's strange. I know what I would like to imagine myself as when I think about the type of relationships I want, but now that I am actually able to express myself for the first time while being in a committed relationship some of my ideas have changed. Is it possible to be in a poly type relationship and not also be considered open? I know these are just words but I feel as if in order to find good partners I have to be more "open" then "poly" .... at first. does that make any sense?
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