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  #1  
Old 11-09-2010, 07:45 PM
Wayne Wayne is offline
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As I mentioned elsewhere, my wife and the other guy have acknowledged their feelings for each other, but he's very hesitant to take the next step. This is understandable but frustrating.

She dated him for a while in high school, but never (even to this day) progressed to a physical relationship. She had a kind of "background" missing him all along but never really acknowledged it thinking that it wasn't meant to be... then when she found him a few years ago she found out that her family members intercepted letters between them and caused each to think the other had broken contact without warning or explanation!

Needless to say, this cast the end of their relationship in a whole new light.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:16 PM
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River River is offline
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That's a crappy thing the families did! I hope these two discover some more fulfilling way....

It's kind and perhaps couragious -- certainly loving -- of you to be so supportive.

How about you? Are you interested in possibly exploring other intimate bonds?
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:40 PM
Wayne Wayne is offline
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How about you? Are you interested in possibly exploring other intimate bonds?
It's fun to think about, but intimate bonds are also a hell of a lot of work. I'm not about to go looking for another one. Especially as hers is still in a holding pattern.

Anyway, I sometimes wonder if being supportive of this particular situation is the most loving thing to do. But her judgement of people is far better than mine, so I'll stick with supportive until I see a really, really good reason not to.

I'm not a saint. The idea of her being with him is also a sexual fantasy of mine. And I want/need more time to myself than I thought I would when we started out, so having someone else pay attention to her might take some pressure off of me. (That said, I do enjoy getting some attention from her, and would not like that to stop!)
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Old 11-09-2010, 11:02 PM
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River River is offline
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Anyway, I sometimes wonder if being supportive of this particular situation is the most loving thing to do. But her judgement of people is far better than mine, so I'll stick with supportive until I see a really, really good reason not to.
Well, it does seem to drag on and on and.... So I can understand your wondering. Maybe what's best for you here is to simply be supportive of her in a general way--, rather than to "this particular situation". This could take the form of sharing any skepticism you may have about "this particular situation" and thus allowing her to do a "sounding board" thing with you. But I bet you've already been doing that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayne View Post
I'm not a saint. The idea of her being with him is also a sexual fantasy of mine. And I want/need more time to myself than I thought I would when we started out, so having someone else pay attention to her might take some pressure off of me. (That said, I do enjoy getting some attention from her, and would not like that to stop!)
That's pretty honest. And that's good!
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Old 11-10-2010, 04:38 PM
Wayne Wayne is offline
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Well, it does seem to drag on and on and.... So I can understand your wondering. Maybe what's best for you here is to simply be supportive of her in a general way--, rather than to "this particular situation". This could take the form of sharing any skepticism you may have about "this particular situation" and thus allowing her to do a "sounding board" thing with you. But I bet you've already been doing that.
Yeah, as much as I can. I don't want to repeat myself too much and discourage her from listening, but I do sometimes voice my doubts... and she does too. It's a tough balance, but I'm doing okay so far.

They were thinking about having a cyber "date" today... their first in a while... but no one knows if it's going to happen or not. I told her I think she should hold out until he shows up for real.

Maybe I should have a chat with him. Not a hostile or accusatory chat, just to get to know him, try to discover what he's dealing with, and see what improvements can be made.

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That's pretty honest. And that's good!
Thanks, I'm trying. I've found that you can't really hope to solve any of your problems unless you first see things for what they really are, not what you'd like them to be (much less what you think others expect them to be!)
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Old 11-10-2010, 07:34 PM
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Selene Selene is offline
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Quote:
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Maybe I should have a chat with him. Not a hostile or accusatory chat, just to get to know him, try to discover what he's dealing with, and see what improvements can be made.
I think thats a really good idea. If I hadn't know my other lovers previously I would want to talk with them to get to know them better and I believe my primary would do the same thing. If you needed to maybe you could set some comfort levels too; I find it very beneficial just to have it all out in the open.

Good luck!
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