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Old 11-03-2010, 10:28 PM
RainbowDreamscape RainbowDreamscape is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 14
Red face Oops. I may have f*@Ked up.

K. Here's the story. I had idealistic views on how my new poly thing would work out. Thinking that I would meet some nice guy who would know I'm married & would be open to poly... He'd meet my husband, everything would be perfect.

Didn't quite work that way. I met an awesome guy who was open to poly & knew I was married, we hung out for a long time & were great buds... But then my husband went out of town & it's not hard to guess what happened next.

I don't regret having sex with him at all: It's just that it happened backwards. We were feeling & not thinking. But I got what I wanted: someone who I felt closeness, connection, affection & intimacy from & for. But my husband hasn't met him & doesn't know I did anything. What do I do?

Last edited by RainbowDreamscape; 11-04-2010 at 04:56 AM.
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Old 11-03-2010, 10:41 PM
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mumbles mumbles is offline
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Posts: 32

Uh, did you talk to your husband at all beforehand? Not clear from your post.
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Old 11-03-2010, 11:01 PM
RainbowDreamscape RainbowDreamscape is offline
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Posts: 14
Default Yes

Here's my original post: mainly talking about my discussions with my husband. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3983
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Old 11-03-2010, 11:14 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
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I think you should tell him as soon as possible, own up to it, say you realise it didn't go ideally and you should have talked with him more first and get the ok to do things while he was gone (so he wouldn't feel like you did it behind his back), ask him how he feels and what you guys should do next.

The longer you wait, the worse he's going to feel when he learns. He might be able to understand if you tell him right away that you were caught up in it. Make it clear that you love him and don't want to hurt him.

Tell him you'd like to make things work, and ask if he wants to meet your boyfriend. From there, really, it will depend on his reactions. Best of luck!
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:54 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I'm with Tonberry. Tell him now. Talking and joking about poly are one thing...fucking your brains out for three days without talking to him first is going to hit him with the brick wall of reality. He may be overjoyed, he may call it flat out cheating. Don't be defensive, be understanding. It sounds like you are radiating logic bending NRE. Keep it under wraps while you talk to him and I wouldn't direct him to this sight for advice after that description of your weekend...at least for a while. I agree with your subject...you probably did fuck up but it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Put everything with this friend on hold until your hubby is good would be another recommendation. Make him talk as honest as he can.

Good luck.

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Old 11-04-2010, 04:09 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Location: Canada
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I think you have two choices. Tell him and deal with the fall out of your lack of integrity, dishonesty, untrustworthiness, selfishness, shame, guilt and a world of pain you will see in your partners eyes or shut up, suck it up and never ever do it again... including never ever seeing this man again or talking with him again.

This to me is the reality you have caused yourself... hope it was worth it.

I'm sorry this is harsh, but having done both, I can say with a lot of conviction, you will forget what the sex was like ten years from now and only remember the pain you caused yourself and everyone involved, including future lovers, because that never goes away....
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