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  #1  
Old 11-03-2010, 04:38 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Default Shh...we're huntin wabbits..er, unicorns

Arghhh....I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide in bed all day. I hate school! I'm not going again today and no body can make me!

It's been three months now since my husband left to go work in another state. We are not a polyamorous couple, yet. But his absence is driving me insane and even though poly seemed like something I'd naturally fall into later on in our marriage...consciously and subconsciously I've decided I want it now! I'm still in the middle of NRE with my husband, I think I'll call him Julio . We've been married for just barely two years, and its been an exciting and wonderful two years. I feel like I'm still just getting to know him and building communication and intimacy. So I am a little perplexed at why on earth I'm in such a hurry to complicate things with a third. Well, I'm not really perplexed, the situation is self-explanatory. He's gone for months at a time and we have no standing arrangement for experiences with others. Isn't this the kinda thing that gets soo many people in trouble with cheating?

Anyway, I can't wait for him to come home! It could be any day now and I'm just on the edge of my seat with anticipation!
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Old 11-03-2010, 06:00 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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He called this morning and we got to cyber chat, sometimes you just need a little love in the morning to get the day started! I have a feeling we are going to reach a new level of intimacy when he gets home. Opening up about polyamory has improved communication in the bedroom already.

And the great news is he got laid off this morning! My day couldn't be better! Oh so excited to see him again! He has to travel still but he could be here as early as tomorrow morning.

It will be interesting to see how having him back will affect my obsession with finding a unicorn. In the past when we've had the threesome talk, I've had a tendency to completely dropped the whole notion in less then a week from disinterest. Which to me is an obvious sign that I wasn't ready yet.
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Old 11-03-2010, 10:24 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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In all this obsessing about finding a unicorn I've created a couple of online accounts, and *sheepishly* even tried craigslist. For the most part its seemed pretty worthless. Although I have made contact with a polyamorous couple that is here locally. We are discussing plans to meet for drinks this weekend. With Julio not being completely into poly, I'm not sure how that will pan out. In emails the g/f says any arrangement is comfortable for her, we'll see.

I've also encouraged Julio to work his angle, the last couple of days he's tried flirting more when he's out at the bar. But he's been getting a little discouraged, it's not as easy as he remembers it once being. He also initiated contact with an acquaintance of mine who is up for poly. We may get together with her Saturday night for some drinks as well.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:40 AM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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*a little rambling with my thoughts*

So I was graciously pointed in the direction of Xeromag.com tonight, and what I found was a huge wealth of information! As I was reading through some introductory thoughts on polyamory, it dawned on me that so much of this has to do with personally and socially constructed beliefs. And I wanted to ramble on this for a little while. In my self-help junkie library I've recently added a new titled called "I am" and in it the author specifically singles out this patterned behavior of 'beliefs' that we create around us and limit our lives to.

He offers the example of a battered wife, who has a belief that leaving the relationship will leave her lonely, hurt and afraid. And by living with that belief she actually creates a situation in which she is lonely, hurt and afraid. Basically he goes on to establish that we have all of these beliefs that we have created on our own or through assimilation and thus allow these beliefs to control our lives.

Personally, I love to challenge beliefs, but now, Julio does not. He was raised in the South and his father is a preacher. Almost immediately I came across this challenge. One situation I remember, I had invited him to a party some of my burner friends were throwing. At these parties I had a tendency to disrobe. I tried to be polite and warn him before this happened, and it scared him. I was respectful and refrained from ditching my clothes and we talked for a while about it. His beliefs came up, one being that the body is sacred and the second being that girls that disrobed at a party in the south were looking for trouble. I candidly expressed to him that he may not be with the right girl, and politely excused my self from the conversation. Stripped down to my itty bitty panties and did a full pole dance routine on the spinning stripper pole at the party(I used to teach pole dance fitness and I was often invited to perform there) You see I was a stripper when we met, I am currently employed as a stripper and most likely will remain a stripper for some amount of time. So asking me to keep my clothes on is a little silly. Later on we talked about the situation and he admitted that the atmosphere was so different then he had expected. The whole experience was artistic and he said he even thought there was respect for me in the room.

Which leads me back to my point, I want to be loving and respectful of these deep rooted beliefs that my husband has. But at the same time I want to challenge him to open his eyes and heart to a world of possibilities out there. I just wonder if some of these beliefs are movable?

To be clear the quote that got me thinking was
Quote:
If your lover goes out to a restaurant, do you think "My God, what if the restaurant food is better than mine?" Do you agonize over whether your cooking may seem substandard by comparison? http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html
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Last edited by DaylightStirring; 11-04-2010 at 06:44 AM.
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Old 11-17-2010, 02:43 AM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Arg...I just want to rant on and on. Must be my hormones again.

Sometimes it just helps getting stuff out. I don't blog and my dh hates the 'I want to talk about my feelings' convo's. Sometimes I think I want poly so bad because I miss emotionally unloading on a close lover/friend.

Well our first weekend hunting was prosperous, Julio had dropped a hint to a girlfriend of mine that he'd (and I quote) 'rather have her to himself Saturday night...wink' as a clear signal to invite her home with us. It back fired, I don't know how. She almost didn't show up to the bar on Saturday, and then when she did she had two strangers in tow, one she immediately announced, she had just had sex with. Julio and I completely ruled out any fun with her after that comment. But then she started working her own angle. She asked me if we were gonna party at our house, I answered with, 'you and your guy friend are invited' and she said, 'Oh, him, he's leaving' like she wanted to get rid of him and come home with us. The rest of the night she dropped sexual suggestion and kept on about leaving with us. My best friend, Ellen (lesbian) pulled me aside and said the girl had called her earlier in the week and freaked out about Julio's comment, she made Ellen promise to be there the whole night. By the time we got back to our house this girl had managed to bring a whole slew of people back with her. It was weird. I told Julio, that I thought she was acting really unstable and sending too many mixed signals. I said no matter what I don't want to consider opening our relationship up to her any longer.

But while this was all going on, Julio managed to connect with another girlfriend of mine who was out that night with us, I'll call her Haylee. She is absolutely gorgeous, in her mid thirties and really level headed. He just put it out on the table that he and I were interested in taking her home and she jumped all over the idea. When the conversation was over (they talked privately about it for a good half hour) she said, "So should I be waiting for a phone call to set this up" he said we don't know exactly and just let it happen naturally, so she said she would pull me aside and talk to me about it the next time her and I were together. I'll keep you up dated on how things progress....

In other news, I'm still in contact with a local poly couple we met online, but the more we talk the more I realize scheduling will be the biggest obstacle. Right now I think Julio and I are just going to focus on getting our feet wet. There is a whole big poly world out there and I think it might be too overwhelming to jump in head first. After we have our first threesome, I'd like to just step back and have a good idea of how we feel before going further. I'm in no rush here, a unicorn is a big personal and emotional investment!

whew...I'm starting to feel better already, school has me so stressed right now. Taking a break and updating this post is helping me calm down. Thanks for listening.
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Last edited by DaylightStirring; 11-17-2010 at 02:46 AM.
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  #6  
Old 11-21-2010, 10:26 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Well I'm happy to report that we definitely have a unicorn in the cross hairs. Haylee is almost more excited about us than we are about her. In conversations between her and I, as well as Julio and her, she has clearly outlined what she wants and needs out of a relationship and it lines up with everything Julio and I had discussed before talking to her.

I'm just pleasantly surprised! Her long term hopes and dreams are exactly the same crazy ones Julio and I have. Everything is set up to work out like a real life fantasy. Now if we can only settle into our places and not mess this up!

We got together last night for drinks, and she played us like little school kids and she was our first crush. It was incredible. She immediately struck up a deep emotional conversation with me about her day and then asked politely if she has my permission to kiss Julio before the night is over. I absolutely agreed. The way the night worked out, I didn't get to spend more then a few minutes with her and Julio the whole night. And they hit it off, dancing around the bar together (even though there is no dance floor) and even completely disappearing together at times. And it never mattered that I wasn't a part of what they were doing. I just enjoyed watching. Then towards the end of the night she pulled me aside privately and started kissing me. The only way the night could have gone better is if she hadn't left us to go home. (she had to get home to her son, we all agreed that making time for each other is going to be the biggest challenge right now)

Julio and I had a great time when we got home, telling each other about the night and the dreaming about the future.
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