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Old 02-20-2013, 09:59 PM
3forus 3forus is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: The lower 48
Posts: 4
Default From swinging to poly?

Hi all,
I'm a happly married husband and father of two. My wife, Tina (not her real name) and i have been together for almost 20 years and married almost 15. We were very young when we first started dating, I was about 15 and Tina was 16. A few years ago we decided to spice things up and began swinging. It was a great time-we were surrounded by fun people, had great (and sometimes not so great) sex. Fast-forward to New Years Eve, a scant 51 days ago.

Tina and I were at our local swing club and met a great couple. We ended up having sex with them that night at the club. It was, by far, the most intense experience I've had with a women who was not Tina. We were invited back to their hotel room and Tina and I spent the night with them, sleeping in seperate beds- Tina with the husband and me with the wife, Beth (also not her real name). It was quickly apparent to both Beth and I that there was a strong attraction between us. Both physical and emotional.

Long story short, we've seen this couple a few more times since then. Beth and I have fallen for each other-hard. I "came out" to my wife about my intense feelings for Beth and to my suprise she was encouraging and supportive of my exploring this relationship with Beth. Beth has been honest with her husband as well. Tina and Beth's husband have talked about our feelings and he seems okay with it.

Beth and I have confirmed that we are on the same page on several things: We both want to explore this relationship further, we are not interested in leaving our respective spouses, we want to be completely open and honest between the 4 of us and not have any secrets. Beth and I would also like to meet independently of our spouses-and while Tina actually encourages this Beth's husband is reluctant (I completely understand and respect this-we are not pushing the issue).

There is another wrinkle to this whole thing. We're swingers. Both Beth's husband and my wife have no interest in being exclusive with each other, while Beth and I would be okay with it (for right now at least, until we figure out our emotions.). But that is not what they signed up for, and Beth and I honnor and respect that.

Navigating this road is completely beyond my experience-I have not had feelings this intense for anyone other than Tina since we've been together.

My hope is that I will find others who have been down this road before. I hope to learn from your experience and gain some insight into my own feelings. There is more to this story of course, but I've given you the highlights.
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:15 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,982

Hi 3forus,
Welcome to our forum.

I have no immediate advice; obviously you have to honor the wishes of Tina and Beth's husband. Just take time for now to learn as much about poly as you can. Here are some resources I recommend:
And here on Polyamory.com:
Opening Up covers the whole range of responsible non-monogamy -- including both swinging and poly, so it has a good point of perspective for your situation.

I think right now you just need to learn more about poly in general and see what you think about it. Then, you can share your thoughts and feelings with Tina, Beth, and her husband, see what they think, and what compromises might be possible, as needed.

On this site you can post your thoughts and questions as desired. It's a pretty busy site, so often you'll get multiple responses.

I hope your experience with us is beneficial.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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