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Old 02-19-2013, 03:09 AM
kemperfish kemperfish is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 19
Default We Found Him! Now what?

I am seeking advice, please. We are a M/F couple and my male partner is bisexual. We have been looking for a triad as that seems to make the most sense given our interests and time constraints (it is not feesable with our opposite schedules to try to date others alone at this point).
So, we search and search and talk and talk to a lot of people... when we were about to give up, there was D.
He's cute, nice, bisxual, understanding, compasionate etc etc... so we have gone out with him a couple times and he's still very likeable. Now, I am going on a date with him alone.
I have no idea how to do that... I have not been on a date, alone, with someone I wasn't really good friends with first. I believe I have first date jitters Our primary relationship is heading into NRE and that is great. I don't want to ruin it by being a bumbling idiot on a date becasue I don't know how to do that.
I realize this is a good thing, the nervousness, but can I get some dating advice from my poly peeps? Thanks so very much for reading and any advice you can provide.
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Old 02-19-2013, 03:18 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,781

Heh, getting advice from me would be like the blind leading the blind. I've been on enough dates to count on one hand, and that was back in the 80's.

Perhaps, don't think of it too much as a date. More just a meet-up with someone to get to know them better. Don't try to hard to impress. Be yourself.

Hopefully others besides me will also post! and ... congrats on finding such a great guy.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:01 AM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NewSouthWales&California
Posts: 62

Just remember it's not a blind date, you've already been out with him a few times, just not alone. But that really doesn't change too much. He's still the same as when the both of you went out with him.

If it's too stressful, pick an easier venue. Dinner and a movie maybe. Of even just coffee, that's pretty low stress. Just remember, no guy is going to write you off after a date even if you aren't as charming as you would like to be. And, because we still live in an old fashioned world, most likely there is more pressure on him to impress you then the other way around. You'll be fine.

Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. - C. Hitchens

Me: Male, bi, 48, flexible
Husbanding Aquarius
Dating MsX
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:04 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Be interested in him, focus on finding out who he is, what he's like, what he does with his life (inner life and outer life), what his stories are. If you focus on those kinds of things, you won't be focused on less useful stuff like 'what does he think of me.'

Then try to have fun! I assume you're going to do something that you're both interested in, like dinner, or some activity? That gives you many things to turn your focus on, rather than your nervousness.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:55 AM
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UtahPolyCouple UtahPolyCouple is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lehi, Utah
Posts: 29

Just be yourself and try not to think it over too much. Just relax and don't think about expectations. You are going out with him; just let it happen. Just relax. If it works, it works, and if it doesn't work then it doesn't.

If he knows who you both are and what you are looking for, then a lot of the traditional game playing should be out of the way. Just relax and get to know each other. Get to know him, and let him get to know you.
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:41 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Try to land the tranq dart in his butt-area if you can. That way, if he runs, he'll pump the tranquilizer solution around his body faster and you wont have to chase him as far. Dont forget to tag him XD

But srsly, I have the same advice I give to everyone going on a date; cinnamon. Sprinkle a little in your shoes and your feet wont smell, shake the bottle and then squeeze it to get a blast of fine dust and aim that blast at your wet hair to infuse the scent without being gritty. It sounds demented but I promise you it works.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:01 PM
kemperfish kemperfish is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 19
Default Thank you all so much!

Thank you all so very much for making me feel better about this date! It has been so long, I was nervous about what the heck to do. I am going to stick to getting to know him and not worrying about being self conscious. After all, there is really no reason to be. Come or go, I am still in love with any amazing partner who will be there to comfort me or laugh at me when I get home LOL....
Perhaps the tranquilizer should be administered prior to his arrival that way he will think everything I say is interesting LOL...

You guys are great! Thank you so so much.

Cinnamon???? Can we get a futher explanation? How do I know if he likes the smell of cinnamon? I am intrigued by the idea.
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