Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-12-2013, 09:21 PM
StudentofLife's Avatar
StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 117
Question Desired destinations?

Iíve been thinking lately about the desired destination for myself and The Pidge. Why we have chosen to explore polyamory as a desired state for our relationship, what we hope to gain from it, and how we go about implementing it. Weíre aware that without the input of our eventual third person, much of our discussion is in theory only. Still, we need to have some idea where weíre trying to go.

For me, itís straightforward. I miss having a relationship with a man. I miss the energy, and the absurd feeling of happiness caused by being around someone physically larger and stronger than I am. I feel safe about it, itís all familiar territory. I just want that NRE again before I get too old and hag-like for it to be possible. Whatís new is being able to admit I want it, to try to add it it to an existing relationship without cheating, without guilt. It almost seems to good to be true. In my happy little vision, The Pidge, Toilet Seat Guy and I spend happy, loving time together. We donít all live together, but sleep-overs happen frequently, and our bed is big enough for three, plus two teddy bears and a cat.

For The Pidge, itís not so simple. I hope that soon she comes back to the forum and interacts with me and others. I can only say that any man who treats her with gentle loving kindness, who gives her what she wants and makes her happy, will be my hero. Thatís the number one priority.

How do some of the rest of you newbies see your journey and envision your destination? What does your ideal world look like, say, five years from now?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-12-2013, 09:31 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

How does The Pidge feel about your man desires?

As far as I'm concerned, any woman who desires a physically strong man is alright with me
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-12-2013, 09:59 PM
StudentofLife's Avatar
StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 117
Default My hero

The Pidge says she is totally fine with my man-cravings. I considered myself straight when I met her. She converted me, got her free toaster, and says she has no problem with my still wanting what I had for 30 years before I met her.
My man cravings really weren't just a phase.

Big strong men are so wonderful. Little strong men are wonderful. Having someone who can reach the high shelves, and tell me what's lurking on top of the fridge is a dream come true.

More important is what does The Pidge want? What will she need, in order to answer that question? I hope she decides to come back to this forum and interact with everyone again.

How about you, M.O.D? What does your five year plan look like? Is it filled with Amazon women inspecting the top of your fridge? Or multiple delicate, swanlike creatures swaying atop stepladders? Spill the beans!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-12-2013, 10:07 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Trust me, when you can see routinely on top the fridge, it doesn't seem like such a blessing

My 5 year plan- well I don't have one. My only goal is to become self sustainable money wise. I've been doing quite well on the Internet recently, so just need to give it another 6 months to see if it's sustainable before quitting work and going at it full time.

There's a classical guitarist I like called Juan Martin who I've seen play here in the UK. He runs a guitar school in Ronda, near Malaga in Spain. The plan is to go learn classical guitar there, pick up the language and maybe a few Latina beauties while I'm at it. I would support myself with the Internet income - hence the need to validate that I can do it.

I have no poly type goals yet. Just sniff around and see where I end up.

I think I hear you on the man front. The Pidge feels soft and lovely, but she can't pull you tight in strong arms.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-12-2013, 10:46 PM
StudentofLife's Avatar
StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 117
Default The top of the fridge

That sounds like a great plan. I love classical guitar.

Your beautiful Spanish women sound like a great place to start. Can I ask how long you've been pondering an ethically open relationship model for yourself? You may have already posted this elsewhere, I'm sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.

Have you read any of the articles up at Franklin Veaux's Sprawling Web Empire?
Here's a link, in case you'd find it of interest. The man is smarter and more articulate than most, and I found his writing syle to be so easy to read. Let me know what you think, after you have a chance to check it out?

http://www.morethantwo.com/

When I was young, there were these international dolls, they gave them out at gas stations when you got a fill-up. One of them was a Spanish woman, in beautiful full red and black skirts....if I still had her, I'd send her to you. Except now you'd need at least three....
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-12-2013, 11:38 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,244
Default

Personally, I'm wary of any sort of goals or intended destinations in poly. It seems like it's very hard for people to shift once they have their hearts set on something. When you're dealing with the complicated interactions that happen between multiple people, the ability to deal with fluidity seems to almost always be necessary, and pre-determined ideal outcomes don't seem to lend themselves to that.

For instance, in your situation, you're acknowledging that you can't know how things will be without input from a future partner. Very true! But, ultimately, you're still seeking someone who can be with both you and Pidge -- you speak of one person, not of one or more, and you speak of both you and she being involved with that person, so I think it's fair to say that's what you're after? -- and with that comes all the much-written-of pitfalls of unicorn hunting.

To name the most obvious one, let's say you two meet a lovely man who you both like! Step one of the five year plan complete! And he likes both of you! But then, over the course of months of dating, it turns out he clicks with Pidge very strongly... in fact, it's love... but he no longer wants to put his strong arms around you. Will that be ok for you? Or, in the same situation but reversed, will it be ok for Pidge? Or will the disappointment of "failing" to reach your desired destination be a stumbling block to moving forward?
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-13-2013, 09:49 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NW England
Posts: 117
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
That sounds like a great plan. I love classical guitar.

Your beautiful Spanish women sound like a great place to start. Can I ask how long you've been pondering an ethically open relationship model for yourself? You may have already posted this elsewhere, I'm sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.

Have you read any of the articles up at Franklin Veaux's Sprawling Web Empire?
Here's a link, in case you'd find it of interest. The man is smarter and more articulate than most, and I found his writing syle to be so easy to read. Let me know what you think, after you have a chance to check it out?

http://www.morethantwo.com/

When I was young, there were these international dolls, they gave them out at gas stations when you got a fill-up. One of them was a Spanish woman, in beautiful full red and black skirts....if I still had her, I'd send her to you. Except now you'd need at least three....
Haha...your international dolls sound awesome. They would certainly tide me over for a while if nothing else

I have just started looking at that site you posted, and I'm very interested. First page I'm looking at right now is the 'dos and don'ts', and that in itself is some really solid stuff, and I've only read half of it so far.

I'm sure most people here will roll their eyes and say 'shit yeah, that stuff is obvious'...but it's really solid grounding stuff for me.

Thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-16-2013, 12:58 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default I am sure I well catch hell for this, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
That sounds like a great plan. I love classical guitar.

Your beautiful Spanish women sound like a great place to start. Can I ask how long you've been pondering an ethically open relationship model for yourself? You may have already posted this elsewhere, I'm sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.

Have you read any of the articles up at Franklin Veaux's Sprawling Web Empire?
Here's a link, in case you'd find it of interest. The man is smarter and more articulate than most, and I found his writing syle to be so easy to read. Let me know what you think, after you have a chance to check it out?

http://www.morethantwo.com/

When I was young, there were these international dolls, they gave them out at gas stations when you got a fill-up. One of them was a Spanish woman, in beautiful full red and black skirts....if I still had her, I'd send her to you. Except now you'd need at least three....
I read through a few of Frank's sites, anything good that a reader can come away with is a good thing. Personally I found his passive aggressive style not worth my time. The poly advice seemed like poorly re-written strategies taken from other sites and books that the reader would do better going straight to the source for info. Maybe I am being a little harsh, because he evidently believed he was being humorous, but I for one don't appreciate spending time reading an author who makes himself feel superior if he can get you to believe his word then effective call you stupid. Granted, the passive aggressive joke's on you style was not in the poly content, but because of that style I felt it was a waste of time personally. The clearest example of this was his multiple pages of bullshit instead of just saying that people who drive "American" cars are more patriotic then people who display "support our troops" which I don't agree with considering that many of Ford's vehicles are actually Mazdas with a Ford emblem.

He's a talented writer, but I was turned off by what I took for a holier than thou attitude. I can't stand authors who pretend being an intellectual is all about making fun of others in obscure ways, but I am sure I am just being assuming and judgmental, as I am likely the only one who feels this way.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-13-2013, 12:41 AM
StudentofLife's Avatar
StudentofLife StudentofLife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 117
Default Brainfruit

Quote:
Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
How does The Pidge feel about your man desires?
Your question reminded me of something Pidgie and I were talking about a few days ago. She commented that she felt good about my wanting to date a man, because there was no element of comparison or competition immediately apparent for her. She clearly can't be a man, and so she just can't give me that same experience, just as I can't give it to her. Neither of us wants the other to be denied a rich and satisfying life. Admittedly, since all of this is still in the early stages, it will take new turns as we go along, but right now it feels good.

We haven't discussed either of us wanting to date another woman. For her, she's been there, done that, and feels she's found the woman she wants in me. For me, it's a bit more complicated. I have never dated another woman other than The Pidge. The adjustments necessary to move from identifying as straight to identifying as bisexual at the age of 45 weren't effortless. The Pidge is so very worth that effort. I haven't ever met another woman I could say that about.
Still, it'd be interesting to run the topic past her and see what she says.

Thanks, M.O.D.!!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-13-2013, 04:59 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,423
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
How do some of the rest of you newbies see your journey and envision your destination? What does your ideal world look like, say, five years from now?
Are you only looking for input from people new to poly?

If you want to read what has already been written by members here about their poly ideals and dreams, there are a few existing threads to check out. Feel free to add your input to whichever thread you feel is appropriate:

Imagine your ideal relationship.


Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

Ideals or Relationships..which comes first?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
goals, ideals, new to polyamory, newbies

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:58 PM.