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Old 02-07-2013, 07:51 AM
Rhaenes Rhaenes is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 15
Smile Brand new, figuring this out as we go along!

Hello all!

How I came here would be quite the long story, but the short version is; Boyfriend of 3 years fell for a mutual friend, and her for him. We tried to go back to being an exclusive couple, but just didn't feel the same as before, and missing her was terrible for both of us, as we've all been together sexually and she's one of my best friends. Realized our happiest moments were the post-coital snuggles between the three of us when we felt freed from the restraints of confined relationships and just embraced love, so we're going to give that a try and see how it goes. Came here because I'm very young, still in college and just 18 as well as being brand new to this, and would really love the support of a group of people who've already been though this and are of a similar mindset to us.

Boyfriend and S (mutual friend) are both straight, while I am bisexual. S will do things with me when we're all together, but isn't comfortable with a relationship between just us, so I suppose we're a "V" sexually but a "Triangle" emotionally? I'm still not certain of these terms, or if they're really used at all haha, but those are the closest definition I can find. Hopefully some of you can help us with that.

Looking forward to getting involved, Rhaenes.
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:15 PM
SrAh SrAh is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Delaware
Posts: 18

Hello! Welcome! And good luck! There are a lot of things out there to help. I have a somewhat similar situation... myself, a husband and a boyfriend.
Let me know if I can help!

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Old 02-07-2013, 08:50 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,583

Greetings Rhaenes,
Welcome to our forum.

I would say "emotional triad" would be a good word for the kind of relationship configuration you have. The three of you seem to be very close, and it sounds like your poly relationship was meant to be.

You will find a lot of support and wisdom on this site. Explore the various threads, and post any thoughts or questions you may have. The Golden Nuggets board and Life stories and blogs board may prove especially interesting to you.

I hope everything goes well for you guys; don't get discouraged if you hit a rough patch here or there. Sometimes relationships are just like that in the beginning, and poly relationships are extra complex.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:56 PM
FirstofThree FirstofThree is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6

Welcome to the forum!

My partner and I started out our poly life with a triad. It was absolutely delightful. I wish you the best of luck!

Rule number 1: give it time. If it's meant to be, then you have many decades to explore, change, and be comfortable with each other. If it's not meant to be, rushing things doesn't help! If S is comfortable being sexual with you while in a threesome now, it's possible that in a year or five she'll be comfortable being sexual with you elsewhere.

Sexuality is fluid. Over the years we change as individuals, in every way.
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:52 PM
Rhaenes Rhaenes is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 15

Thanks to all of you for being so supportive! And firstofthree, thanks for the tip about giving things time. I don't know if I really want to be sexual alone with her, not because she isn't gorgeous or anything but because we've never had even a hint of a romantic relationship. We're still quite good friends, and we care about each other, and that's why I say we feel almost like an emotional triangle - she's kind of like a sister to me and I love her to death, but not in the same way we both respectively love BF. He's definitely the hinge here, though we're not swinging wildly around, if that image makes sense haha. We're definitely connected to each other, just not through romantic, passionate love. Gawd I keep thinking of "sister wives" and shuddering, because that's kind of how we feel but that just makes me think of the show haha
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Old 02-10-2013, 08:16 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

I wouldn't worry about defining it. Labels can be useful for quick reference, but people tend to get stuck in them and start using them to take cues on how to behave. That's always seemed silly to me.

You and she sound more like close friends than romantic partners. "Like a sister" isn't how I would describe my girlfriend, even though our relationship is non-sexual. We have a romantic, loving emotional bond, just without the sex. So even if I were prone to using labels, I wouldn't call your situation an emotional triad. That would imply that you and she are romantically involved, and it doesn't sound like you are.

It's nice that you've found this connection and that things seem to be working well. Have you discussed how this changes the nature of your relationship? i.e., if you met a woman with whom you felt an emotional and sexual attraction, would your partner support this? Of course, there might be no need to have that talk until that actually happens (putting the cart before the horse and all that), but it might not be a bad idea to establish that what's good for the gander is good for the goose
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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