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  #1  
Old 02-06-2013, 02:21 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Default Poly newbie from NW England

Hi all,

Apologies if I'm going to ask a question here that's been covered 1000s of times already.

So at the age of 33, having had a number of mono relationships that are always great at first, but I end up feeling stifled after a while, I'm ready to explore poly.

I'm looking for advice/help from the more experienced people here (pretty much everyone at this point, I imagine) on where to go next.

Ideas I've had:

- Announce this as something I am doing in my life, show my openness and see who responds? (perhaps as a facebook status update)
- Try to find other single men, women and couples who have had/are currently in poly relationships, whether bad or good, and ask them for guidance

What I'd really like is to understand how to find poly people and explore this further. I have a suspicion they are everywhere, but because I've not been open to it before, it's like an underground 'secret society' where they only make themselves known when you show yourself as a member.

You do not talk about fight club!

I've been on swinging websites before which are fun enough, but on there it seems to be more about pure sex (and a lot of validation) than actual connection. Plus some of the couples I've met seem to have their own unresolved jealousy issues...which is obviously not something I'm keen to get caught up in.

If there's anyone also at a similar point of discovery, then I'd like to hear from you - do feel free to shoot me a pm and we can walk this road together, perhaps.

Anyway...thoughts/comments/advice more than appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 02-06-2013, 02:58 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hello ManofDiscovery,
Glad you can join us.

We have a Dating & Friendships subforum that might prove useful to you. Also offsite there's a few dating sites:

http://www.pof.com/
http://www.okcupid.com/
http://www.polymatchmaker.com/

And links to poly groups in your area:

http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
http://bi.org/uk-poly/polyuk.html
http://bi.org/uk-poly/

These are also good ideas:

Quote:
  • Announce this as something I am doing in my life, show my openness and see who responds? (perhaps as a facebook status update)
  • Try to find other single men, women and couples who have had/are currently in poly relationships, whether bad or good, and ask them for guidance
It seems you are largely seeking a way to meet poly people in person. But I would take advantage of the wealth of info on Polyamory.com as well. What to do, what not to do, what to watch out for, what to look forward to. You can interact with other members by posting thoughts, questions, etc.

Hopefully this gives you a good starting place.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:06 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Awesome...thanks Kevin.

Do you know what kind of response people have had on 'traditional' dating sites like pof when they advertise their 'polyness'?

You're right - I am primarily looking to explore connections in person, rather than keeping things theoretical.

However what those connections are, and where they lead to - it's all completely open at the moment.
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:15 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re:
Quote:
"Do you know what kind of response people have had on 'traditional' dating sites like pof when they advertise their 'polyness?'"
I'm not experienced with POF. OKCupid seems to be a mixed package; some people have more success on it than others. It is remarkably poly friendly, for being a mainstream dating site. As for PolyMatchMaker, there's obviously no issue there as it's assumed you're poly.

Hopefully you will have a successful experience as you start off on this new journey. There are many positive signs out there.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:32 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Thanks again.

What's your experience of this lifestyle been like?
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:38 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well the sum of my experience has been to live in an MFM "V," two guys who are friends (the "arms of the V"), each guy having a romantic relationship with the same lady (the "hinge of the V"). We are poly-fi so we don't do the dating scene, it's just us three and probably always will be (although someone new joining us is technically possible). We've been together as a V since early in 2006.

Our first few years together were pretty rough. We had drama, and trouble figuring out how to live together and keep the jealousy and paranoia down to a dull roar. We had some good times, but a lot of bad times too.

But we hung in there, and after a few years things started to settle down. By now I'd say we've had a peaceful co-existence together since, oh, 2010.

Many things contributed to our successful cohesion. Lots of trial and error, figuring out each other's "tips and tricks," getting me on the right combo of meds (I've had various fun conditions, bipolar and others), living apart for a year or two, lots of talks and emails, figuring out our various needs and working towards meeting them as a team, making sure each dyad gets its own time and attention, etc.

Things are pretty boring around our house nowadays. Just the way we like it.
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