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  #1  
Old 01-29-2013, 07:44 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Question New trinogamous relationship

i recently started a trinogamous relationship with my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend. He loves both of very much and so do we, so we decided totry it out. I like her aswell even though it hasn't been long i still have an emotionally and romantic attachment to her. My problem is he cheated on both of us and lied to both about one another. Its hard enough to work on this with trust issues, but not only that I feel like if im just there for no purposes. He says he loves me and wants me there that he cannot live without me, He had fallen inlove with me and cannot stand to think of me with someone else, except our girlfriend. I told him I thought it was best for me to leave the trino, yet he wont budge, he doesnt want to be with either one alone, he wants us both or none because he feels like he wont be complete without the other. We are all quite young and very new to this. I feel like sometimes leaving so they can be happy and be a normal couple without the risk of jealousy and resentment, but he just doesnt want to let either of us go and as much as I want to leave sometimes i find myself wrapped in there arms at night because those two are the best thing that ever happened to me. I dont want to grow to resent my boyfriend, does anyone have any advice on how to take the steps into transitioning to a clean slate for the three of us since this is a new relationship for all three?? I could really use some feed back.
P.S. Thank you all for this website and stories, makes me feel very much accepted into this new way of intimacy and love.

Last edited by anya1991; 01-30-2013 at 02:26 AM.
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  #2  
Old 01-29-2013, 08:15 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Welcome to the forum! You've done a very smart thing by coming here, as you'll find veterans that will give you wonderful advice. They'll be along shortly. I'm not going to do that right now, because this situation is so different than mine, but in the meantime, read all of information of this site that you can, including the FAQ's and Golden Nuggets.

And remember to take care of yourself, including getting plenty of sleep, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and excersizing.
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  #3  
Old 01-29-2013, 08:45 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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Thank you for your well wishes, I did what any other lost human being would do, ask for some sort of direction, I have never considered the possibility of a trinagomous relationship, yet we are coinciding in one. This is a very very new relationship, and hopefully with the help of everyone here, my boyfriend, my girlfriend and I can all learn discuss and get acquainted with it. There is also a surge of jealous that manifests in me when I think of the situation, particularly because I am coming from a monogamous way of living into a poly way of understanding, I hope people can give me their insists in how to deal with that and on letting the past go and officially embark on a fresh clean triad way of living.


To All who might read and reply, I really do appreciate any thoughts and insights.
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  #4  
Old 01-30-2013, 12:43 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi anya1991,
Welcome to our forum.

Re:
Quote:
"Does anyone have any advice on how to take the steps into transitioning to a clean slate for the three of us since this is a new relationship for all three?"
Alas, I know of no way to clean the slate (shy of a lobotomy). The relationship was started and no matter how messy it was in the beginning, that part will remain in your memory, and you will have to process it.

I just know that many relationships get easier a little at a time, as time goes on. You have to get better at communicating with each other, find peace (and a healthy level of independence) within yourselves as individuals, and learn by trial and error what tips and tricks work with each other.

Hopefully your boyfriend will be more honest from now on. Also, try not to rush anything. Take time to appreciate all that you have with each other in the here and now.

Keep reading and posting any thoughts or questions you may have.

Glad to have you aboard,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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  #5  
Old 02-13-2013, 05:01 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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so far everything has been come and go. We have had spats that seem endless and making up that seems sweet like honey. Me and my girfriend are now becoming closer, its hard still but are feelings are mutual and in the midst of it I ant help but to feel intoxicated but her love. our boyfriend is trying hard as we both are too. It very difficult but its true what they say communication and honetsy and trust are the key items to hold us firmly together. Im starting to think of it not as a loss but a gain. I gained a wonderfull girlfriend in this process, and hopefully it will be like this for decades to come. I do get worried. Worried that it will just vanish, worried that I will wake up and they both will be gone. But I think for now, I will just sit back and enjoy this wonderful feeling of love that surrounds me from both of their sides.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:23 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Never regret love. It is a treasure in the memory, long after the loved one has vanished.

Having said that, I think the prognosis for your triad is good, and that the three of you will probably stay together. It's important to remember that relationships -- especially poly relationships -- tend to be quite a roller-coaster ride in the early years. The highs are great, but the lows really suck. You have to have patience and faith, always practicing improved communication, looking forward to the time where things will level out (on a high, comfortably ascending level), and the turbulence of the past will become a harmless memory.

You have the right idea. Bask in the goodness of this moment, here and now. We can never go back to the past, we can just be glad that we appreciated the good things that were there.

I am pulling for you and wishing you the best.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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