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Old 01-26-2013, 04:38 AM
beyondblueeyes beyondblueeyes is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Default Tables are turned

Hello everyone,
I am new to this site, and I have been searching for a place that I can learn from others and that quite possibly have the same positive and negative quirks that I have in the poly world.
A quick back ground, I am a bi female, married (2nd marriage) and both believe in the poly lifestyle, entered together as we came from not very balanced previous marriages. I have had a bf for the last two years, who is also married and in an open marriage. I am in love with two men, there is no question, my bf lives a couple of hours away from me, we try to see each other every week, but we have families and work so sometimes it can be difficult. Plus his job takes him out of the country sometimes. My husband, who is a wonderful man just recently in the last month has developed a relationship with another woman. However in the last two years, he has what he likes to call dabbled in the sexual aspect of relationships. He is now experiencing a relationship with a woman, who is not married or has children. ( we have 5 all together) The tables are not turned...as I am writing this, he is at her house, I am home alone for the first time as my bf is quite busy with work and we will not see each other for another two weeks. The question I have is why all of sudden do I feel lonely. I am a very strong independent woman, with a career with a lot of friends. Yet I am sad...I miss my bf a lot but our situation is reality, and I am kind of jealous that my husband has found a woman that he does not just want to "dabble" sexually with. To be honest I have been searching everywhere for a site like this, people that I can talk to. ahhhh need to chat lol
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Old 01-26-2013, 02:58 PM
UtahPolyCouple's Avatar
UtahPolyCouple UtahPolyCouple is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lehi, Utah
Posts: 29

You are not alone. I think most of us experiace that feeling of lonliness at times.
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Old 01-26-2013, 06:15 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,307

Hi and welcome,

Do you think if you were distracted with your bf you would have noticed or cared about your husbands new relationship ?

I guess the question is it the new intimacy or the fact you are home alone while he's off on a new adventure that bothers you ?
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Old 01-26-2013, 06:28 PM
beyondblueeyes beyondblueeyes is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 6

Funny that question is asked to me...because it is true, I just spent two hours skyping with my bf..and I believe the that fact that he is quite busy with work, and now my husband is off on his adventure, I felt alone. Lately my bf has been here when my husband has been on his dates so I never felt alone. Now with my bf so busy that I get one or text a day and my husband is in lala land..I was feeling neglected and forgot who I was as a person.
So I picked myself up..and even though the distance and the busy times at work are not new to my bf and me, I told him how I felt..and truth be told, I have had my adventure with my bf for the last two years while my husband watched and had his own struggles. So it is not fair of me to feel this way because my husband is experiencing something new and wonderful.
One of the main reasons why we ventured into this wonderful world is so we can embrace new people into our lives and feel free to experience what is put in front of us. I had a moment last night..that is true..I am human and a woman lol and I let my emotions get the best of me, I thought with my heart and not with my head. Thanks for sharing...
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:21 PM
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Achimwis Achimwis is offline
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Jacksonville, NC
Posts: 7

I hear you on the loneliness. My wife and I are in a poly setup and she has a boyfriend. They've been spending a lot of time together, and I'm really happy for her. And I don't feel neglected by her. But I do get this sense of loneliness, yet I also find myself having trouble getting out to meet people.
Achimwis Nechochwen

"Stories are the only enchantment possible,
for when we begin to see our suffering as a story,
we are saved."

Anas Nin
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Old 01-26-2013, 09:12 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 10,937

Greetings beyondblueeyes,
Welcome to our forum.

I think you are just trying to get used to a new situation. You were used to the routine where you would see your boyfriend and then could expect to see your husband when you got home. Now that dynamic has been mixed up a little. You are finding yourself with alone time that you didn't have before.

Humans tend to have a certain amount of natural resistence to change, and I think that's what you've been experiencing (in the form of lonesomeness). As time goes by, I believe it will get easier. You will find more things to do that interest you when you're alone. Heck, could be something as simple as watching a movie you like that your husband's not interested in. Or other ideas along those lines ...

Connecting with your boyfriend via Skype sounds like a great idea to me. It's one of the coping mechanisms that will help you adapt to this "new environment" you find yourself in. Also, why not spend some of that "newfound alone time" poking around on Polyamory.com; that way you're learning more about polyamory, and keeping yourself occupied at the same time.

In any case, I do believe it'll get easier, so hang in there.

Glad to have you with us.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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