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  #1  
Old 10-06-2010, 03:59 AM
alexi alexi is offline
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Default Children in a polyamorous relationship

My wife and me are in a relationship with another couple for about a year now. To strengthen our bonds further the other couple have suggested that we have a child each from the opp spouse followed by a child from our own wives. We have no kids now. We are in our thirties.

Do you thing this is a great suggestion and a safe one too. What could be the possible implications?

Thank you
Alexi
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  #2  
Old 10-06-2010, 04:39 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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At the moment my thoughts are:

Why?

Is a year really enough time to determine that you want to have children with these people?

Who will be the legal guardians?

How will you discuss things with the children?

What about when they are in school and have the others children on the playground asking questions?

I'm not against it, but I think there is a lot there for you all to discuss and think about. Alot of good and bad can come from this. It all needs to be considered before making such a decision.

My biggest concern is, why from the other partner first? I'm 27 my husband is 29, we've been together 8 yrs married almost 5, and we have no children. When the time comes for that, I want to have my husbands child.

It's a big step all around. I wish you luck in that decision, but for your sake and that of the kids, don't make it lightly.
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  #3  
Old 10-06-2010, 04:45 AM
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aLABiMCpl aLABiMCpl is offline
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Arrow 1st is 1st....




Kind of weird suggestion actually.

I would think if having a kid with the other in a couple was a viable option it would be the 2nd one.... 1st being having one with your spouse.


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Old 10-06-2010, 04:55 AM
alexi alexi is offline
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I am totally against this idea. I feel maybe aLABiMCpl's idea is a better one. But still I am not game atleast for the moment.... for I feel uncomfortable and feel it's too early for such thoughts as Mohegan has pointed out.

Thank you
Alexi
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  #5  
Old 10-06-2010, 05:15 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Yeah if you're against it, then it should be an easy decision.

Don't place anyone in a situation that they aren't sure of. Especialy children.

I am really one who advocates for a healthy home for children. If anyone has issues with this, it will not be healthy for the children.

Smooth things over with the couple as simple as "we aren't ready and when we are, we'd like our first child (or all depending) to be ours. We are happy with this relationship, but this is a step we aren't ready for"

How would you handle it if you weren't married and the one your were dating for a year said, I want you to parent my child? I'd personaly run, but that's me.

I question why they would even bring this up.
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  #6  
Old 10-06-2010, 05:32 AM
alexi alexi is offline
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His idea was that his proposal will strengthen our bonds as intimate couples for a long time. I now wonder if he was really serious.... the wives are non-committal though.

He has good looks and claims he had earlier fathered a cute baby girl for a childless couple about 3 yrs ago.

Alexi

Last edited by alexi; 10-06-2010 at 07:23 AM.
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  #7  
Old 10-06-2010, 12:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alexi View Post
His idea was that his proposal will strengthen our bonds as intimate couples for a long time. I now wonder if he was really serious.... the wives are non-committal though.

He has good looks and claims he had earlier fathered a cute baby girl for a childless couple about 3 yrs ago.

Alexi
I think that is one doozy of a wrong reason to create a human being (or two, if the second thing is also one of his "reasons"). It sounds like this guy bases his masculinity and self-worth on how many eggs his sperm can fertilize.

[cue ass-whooping for being "judgmental" - see signature]

Last edited by NeonKaos; 10-06-2010 at 12:17 PM.
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  #8  
Old 10-06-2010, 06:57 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alexi View Post
His idea was that his proposal will strengthen our bonds as intimate couples for a long time. I now wonder if he was really serious.... the wives are non-committal though.

He has good looks and claims he had earlier fathered a cute baby girl for a childless couple about 3 yrs ago.

Alexi
I'm sorry, I feel like puking !

A child is a living creature/human being ! They are not tools for others to use to manipulate their own personal lives and agendas !

Now, beyond the pure disgust, the future is uncertain enough for any family to think long and hard about what raising a child involves in the way of sacrifice.

I just could not fathom this - I'm sorry.

GS
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