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Old 10-03-2010, 07:27 AM
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bimblynim bimblynim is offline
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Default mono-poly spectrum?

Did a search and and couldn't find anything specificly on this but obv please redirrect me if its been covered

As you may know I believe for me polyamory is a sexual orrientation. I am bi but don't think I really fit on the kinsey scale because the idea of a relationship with only one person (of any gender) feels fundimentally wrong to me (and because of this, untill i found out about poly, I always kept myself single.) So I was wondering if a kinsey type scale was constructed for mono-poly with
0=totally monogomous- could only countenence an exclusive relationship to
6= totally polyamorous unable to counternence non poly relationship,
where would you place yourself? and why?

I think I would be 5.5/6 because although (in the unlikely event I fell deeply in love with a mono person) I could promise to be sexually faithful to them, I couldn't promise not to platonicly love anyone else.

From what he's said in his other posts I suspect Mono would be arround 0.5 (though obv please forgive the assumption and correct me if i'm wrong) but I am v currios to know where other people would place themselves? What you think?

Peace and love

Nim

Last edited by bimblynim; 10-03-2010 at 08:23 AM. Reason: clarity and typos
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:18 AM
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Originally Posted by bimblynim View Post

From what he's said in his other posts I suspect Mono would be arround 0.5

Nim
Sounds about right to me, my friend Completely monogamous with a poly partner.....well at least I'm not a zero
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Sounds about right to me, my friend Completely monogamous with a poly partner.....well at least I'm not a zero
Glad of that, esp as if you were a zero you wouldn't likely be on here (long) and we'd miss your perspective, have good eve

incidently the majority of my r/l friends are zeros
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:34 AM
freeantigone freeantigone is offline
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Hey bimbly *waves*

I don't know if I've always been poly - certainly when I was younger I didn't see why loving lots of different people at once would be a problem. As I started dating (and met my partner) monogamy seemed the only way - social conditioning told me that this was the only way to feel secure and loved.

As we settled into our relationship (we've been together 8.5 years now) the security came from within - we began to discuss seeing other people and decided that the strength of our commitment didn't mean we needed to be exclusive to feel 'secure'.

Ideologically we are both feminists and don't feel we own each other or are each other's property - poly fits in with this very well.

So we've sort of come round to being poly, we've moved from one end of the spectrum to the other.
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:44 AM
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Hey bimbly *waves*

Ideologically we are both feminists and don't feel we own each other or are each other's property - poly fits in with this very well.

So we've sort of come round to being poly, we've moved from one end of the spectrum to the other.
*waves back* ooh sliding fits with sexual fluidity moddel

If you don't feel the need/v strong preference to be poly or mono maybe you're round 3?

You guys still coming on tues? *getting excited*
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Old 10-03-2010, 09:52 AM
freeantigone freeantigone is offline
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Originally Posted by bimblynim View Post
*waves back* ooh sliding fits with sexual fluidity moddel

If you don't feel the need/v strong preference to be poly or mono maybe you're round 3?

You guys still coming on tues? *getting excited*
Still coming on Tues, looking forward to it

I think gender/sexuality (and, like you, I kinda see poly as a sexuality) is fluid, we're all on the spectrum and can move around on it.
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Old 10-03-2010, 10:23 AM
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Thanks for sharing your experience
I suppose for me I find it almost impossible to conceive of myself in a mono relationship, thats why I put myself at the far end, I think theres might be more fluidity for those in the midle eg for me on the trad kinsey scale there are times i'm more atracted to male folk and times i'm more atracted to female folk, also times i'm attracted to gender queer folk, so on average I'll rate myself 3. BUT I can't imagine ever being happy in a mono relationship with any type of person, I want/need a variety of energies in my life, thats why i think i'm at the extreem end of the poly spectrum.
See you tues x
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Old 10-04-2010, 07:35 AM
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Interesting thread. But how can we really place ourselves on a scale unless we've experienced a wide range of situations?

At the moment I'm mono. Z and I have a passionate relationship that is only a couple of years old (he is poly). We have briefly tried a triad which didn't work for either of us but in hindsight was probably a bit of a stretch for me as I was only bi-curious. In the time I've been with Z I have had no attraction for anyone else.

BUT, in my previous marriage I had a few affairs while still loving (or believing that I still loved) my husband. The last one galvanized things for me; I decided that I was sick of the dishonesty and put it to hubby that we should have an open marriage (hadn't heard of polyamory). He declined.

If a special someone dropped into my life who knows what could happen. But until it happens, or in the absence of it happening after many years I couldn't really say where I'd fall except that I'm obviously not at either end of the scale. Maybe slap-bang in the middle?

Nice to see more poms on the board.
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