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  #1  
Old 01-16-2013, 03:50 AM
laura laura is offline
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Default I would love some advice-not a Poly yet

I'm bisexual. My boyfriend is straight. We have been living together for about 3yrs. He is completely open to us becoming a trio. I already have someone in mind, I've had a crush on her since we met in hs. We have been best friends but she is very introverted and I happen to be her only friend. She knows I'm bisexual but doesn't know I have feelings for her. I feel she is confused about her sexuality. I am very sure she is bisexual.

The problem is...

She thinks she is straight. What can I do to help her realize her sexuality? I know only she can realize this for herself...but is there anything I can do to help her in the process?
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  #2  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:08 AM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
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How about taking a deep breath, and tell her that you like her. She might be introverted, and sometimes shyness accompanies introversion, but finding out what she likes is a journey she should make on her own, shy or not. Knowing that you like her will force her to think about her preferences, and then she gets to come to these conclusions herself (maybe not right away, but eventually). Risky, for you, of course. But I think it's the best way to to be fair to her.

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  #3  
Old 01-16-2013, 06:32 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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This may be quite irrelevant, but i find it selfish and predatory when someone thinks they know me better than i know myself.

Good luck with your sex life.
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Old 01-16-2013, 06:48 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Even if she is bisexual? That STILL doesn't mean she wants to be in relationship with you just because she is oriented that way. (But you really don't know, you just hope.)

If you want to KNOW something, you have to ASK.

So you could just ask if she wants to be in relationship with you. The how of it? You could choose to do it straight up like
"I like you a lot, and would like to be in relationship with you. Would you want to explore that and be in romantic relationship with me? Would you want to set a date to discuss that possibility?"


and just get the ball rolling.

HTH!
Galagirl
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:29 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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What GG said, and also, do not expect her, or any woman, to be your unicorn, that is, into both you and your bf sexually and romantically equally. You can't force that, and more often than not, attempted planned triads go quite badly. If you do want her, let her know, and see what she says. Let bf stay out of it for a while until if and when you and she are solid in relationship.
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Old 01-16-2013, 09:15 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
This may be quite irrelevant, but i find it selfish and predatory when someone thinks they know me better than i know myself.

Good luck with your sex life.
Ouch, yes.

Gives me flashbacks to growing up with an alcoholic father and dysfunctional mother who loved to tell me they knew better than I what I really thought and felt and why I really did what I did. Please don't treat people like that.

In this day and age, anyone who said, "She thinks she's lesbian, but I'm pretty sure she's really straight and just doesn't know it" would be soundly chastised and reprimanded.
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:44 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laura View Post
She thinks she is straight. What can I do to help her realize her sexuality?
I'm sure she is quite capable of deciding her own sexual orientation without your expert guidance.

It's been said already but I think it deserves repeating: If you want to tell her how *you* feel then do so. If you want to tell her how *she* feels... you should get over yourself.
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  #8  
Old 01-18-2013, 11:06 PM
laura laura is offline
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Thank you all for your feedback!
@ BoringGuy & Marcus:
I don't think what you two are saying is irrelevant at all! I've been thinking and you two are absolutely right! I have no right to declare her sexuality for her...and it really is selfish of me. I've decided to tell her I have a crush on her; if she says she's straight I'll just respect & accept!
Thank you for being honest : )
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  #9  
Old 01-21-2013, 06:25 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Sometimes other people really do know us better than we know ourselves. When I came out to friends as lesbian, they all said yeah we knew that. (They were all very supportive of my coming out.) Of course they didn't tell me 'you are such a lesbian' even though I am sure they were tempted. It would have been completely counter productive.

OP, good luck! If she is anything like me, be prepared - she might freak out a bit. But telling her and letting what happens happen is your best option.
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