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  #1  
Old 01-12-2013, 08:40 PM
lilyankh lilyankh is offline
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Default husband can't sleep when boyfriend sleeps over.

When my boyfriend spends the night my husband can't sleep. He lies awake and every noise or sound makes him wonder if it's us having sex. The issue isn't that we make noise. Its that he is sooo curious. He wants to know what we are doing. It's not jealousy and its not that he isn't ok with us being together...he just wants to know. What we are doing. What it looks like. etc. Like looking at porn. He pauses the music and movies if he thinks hears something. etc. Watching sex is a kink of his...so knowing sex is going on in the next room and he can't watch drives him crazy.

*Fem in closed vee relationship with two hetero men. All new to poly.
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  #2  
Old 01-12-2013, 09:09 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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How does your boyfriend feel about exhibitionism? Would it be an option for your husband to watch you and your boyfriend have sex?

There's a difference between curious and nosy. Some things are just none of your business. I'm undecided whether your wife having sex in the next room with her boyfriend is one of those things. I'm inclined to say that if your boyfriend would prefer his privacy and doesn't want your husband to be snoopy, then it may be prudent to go to his house for sleepovers.
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  #3  
Old 01-13-2013, 01:32 AM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
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Like SC said, would it really be that much of a problem for the 3 of you to be together sometimes?

I was like that with my fiancee and her girlfriend when we first started going out, and when we finally ended up in the same bed one night when we got snowed in I got to see that what they did together was pretty much what we did together. Since then I give her space with her gf and I really am not curious. I just hope they share good love and intimacy when they're together. They don't sleep together here, though. Maybe it would be better if you sleep with him at yours and sleep with your bf at his.
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Old 01-13-2013, 06:47 AM
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We have had this talk. My husband doesn't specifically have a kink for it, but he was curious as well. In our case it was right off the table because neither my boyfriend nor I would have liked that. It depends on the persons involved. If all of you are ok with this, have fun. But if even one isn't comfortable with it, don't step all over him/her. This is about the comfort of all, not that of one. As far as I am concerned, there are some things that one has the right to protect. And privacy is definitely one of it.
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  #5  
Old 01-13-2013, 07:09 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Another "in between" option might be for you and your boyfriend to make a sex tape with the understanding that your husband will watch it later. Of course, that also requires consent from the boyfriend (duh), but it might be easier if he has anxieties about having sex "in front" of someone.

Of course, if he's simply not ok with someone else watching him have sex either on tape or in person, then it's all off the table entirely. That goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway because I'm learning that obvious things are not obvious to everyone...
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  #6  
Old 01-14-2013, 09:27 PM
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BreatheDeeply BreatheDeeply is offline
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Is his behavior disturbing you and your boyfriend? Or are you concerned about the hub because you know he's going a bit nuts when you guys are together? Because it does make a bit of a difference. If its your privacy that's important, is there any way to have sex somewhere other then under the same roof as the hub? I'm assuming not or you would already be doing that. Is there any other place he can be when the BF comes over?
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  #7  
Old 01-15-2013, 04:57 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Ok. So he's curious and he can't sleep. He wants to know. What's his need from you? Has he requested anything from you? Like letting him watch? Or telling him about it?

Or is this post about how YOU feel about his wakefulness/curiosity? And being ok feeling whatever it is you feel about that, and not taking any action to DO anything about it to meet his need? More about meeting your own?

I'm not clear if this is a "I feel X. I need tips on how to weather it out and let emotional weather blow on thru..."

or if this is a "My DH asked me X. I don't know how to respond to his request."

Could you please clarify?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-15-2013 at 07:12 AM.
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  #8  
Old 01-26-2013, 05:41 AM
Tom Tom is offline
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Hi lilyankh. I guess your husband and I are almost complete opposites but I can definitely pitch some insight into your situation. It seems we both have a curiosity for our wives having sex with their boyfriends. The only difference is that I have a somewhat jealous/competitive drive for my curiosity while your husband has a kinky drive for his curiosity. And despite knowing that my curiosity is natural and healthy, I still think that your husband has it easier even though you might not think so. If your bf is ok with it, ask your husband if he would like to watch you two even from a distance.

If you think he's too embarrassed to agree, let it go but don't be surprised if he decides to secretly watch from a distance because that's how I watched my wife and her bf the first time. I had only heard some things from my wife; I still wanted to see how he compared to me when he screwed her, how big is penis was, whether she enjoyed him more, etc. I was too intimidated and prideful to ask so I decided to take a peek one day. It wasn't easy at first because I found out he was screwing her better, he was bigger, and she did enjoy him more but it definitely quenched my curiosity. Even if those things might bother your husband, he will definitely be satisfied with watching you with your bf.

Most important thing is communication. See what he wants and what you can do to help him get it. If he doesn't want to tell you, just let him act accordingly and freely but with respect. Has he expressed his interest in watching you two?
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