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Old 09-13-2010, 12:07 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Default New Relationship Energy

Hi, yet another thread from me.

I read a lot on here about NRE. I wonder how long it lasts. It does seem to be responsible for a lot of problems in itself, causing lots of bad new feelings for a mono partner when their partner is in the grip of NRE.

If a poly relationship runs into problems when the NRE starts to run out, does that indicate that the relationship was really just an affair posing as a poly?
Suppose the "poly" person in a couple has say, 3 new partners in one year. As soon as the NRE wears off he/she looks for someone new.

Can you still call that poly? I would be tempted to call that serial infidelity.

I stress that my relationship is nothing like that. My wife didn't seem to get any NRE. The other guy went straight into "Other Husband" status , and my wife (bless her) was very stressed out at the beginning trying to keep us both happy. I don't see her and him when they are together. Only now is she starting to say that she is happy.
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Old 09-13-2010, 12:58 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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NRE lasts about 6 months, but some here will admit to it being longer. I myself have always found a change in the relationship around 2 months ... Still in the grip of NRE, but more focussed on emotional aspects rather than the physical ones at the outset.

There is a thread somewhere, that discusses the potential to be addicted to NRE. While some will argue over whether hopping from NRE to NRE is poly, I don't understand how this is infidelity, unless the poly partners were not aware of each other.

Personally, I would be tempted to call that sort of hopping more of an open relationship, but mono people can do the same thing and no one will argue as to whether or not they're still mono! So, no judging from me if someone wants to call that their poly.

The other possibility is that the hopping person really is looking for another long term partner, and simply can't see through NRE. They must wait for it to go away in order to determine whether or not that relationship will be successful. Every relationship fails until one (or several) don't, you know?
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Old 09-20-2010, 02:22 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
There is a thread somewhere, that discusses the potential to be addicted to NRE. While some will argue over whether hopping from NRE to NRE is poly, I don't understand how this is infidelity, unless the poly partners were not aware of each other.
I think a few poly people are indeed addicted to NRE. I still think that it is polyamory if they are open and honest about their involvements with others. It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
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Old 09-20-2010, 03:14 AM
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It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:56 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Vexxed View Post
I think a few poly people are indeed addicted to NRE. I still think that it is polyamory if they are open and honest about their involvements with others. It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
I suppose the danger is that the NRE addict might not be aware that they are such?
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Old 09-20-2010, 02:15 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I`m going to read this thread with interest. Obviously 'we' are in it, but I seem to be experiencing a opposite phenomenon.

With all the talks, and worries over being swept away by NRE, I find I am overly cautious.

Sometimes worrying to much about others feelings, and not enough about my own wants.

The thing that surprised me the most, was my feeling of transparency. Its been difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I feel like everyone can tell by looking at me, how I feel about my new relationship. Not a feeling I am yet comfortable with, as I am usually a fairly private person.
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Old 09-20-2010, 03:07 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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I am very wary of NRE. I use to only identify it as this element that made affairs so damaging. I attributed it as being something that fogs up one person's head and draws faulty conclusions that a previously established partner cannot compete with. Two people build a history made up of both positive and negative associations with each other. With no one else in the picture, both can be objective and see the good as well as the bad.

Then along comes a new person and with them they bring: a belly of enjoyable butterflies, new stories and a newness to your own stories, an unmapped body, and initially, no clue what flaws you have. You get to be this uber person compared to the flawed person your established partner knows. And they get to be this seemingly care free perfect person to you.

I keep these things in mind and I attribute it to this not being my first or second time to the rodeo. I've had a 9 year relationship to a train wreck and now a 6 year relationship that has largely been a blessing. So as I am now getting to know a new person, I am quite aware how people are usually not what they seem. I worry less about myself and any impending NRE I might go through. I worry more about my husband because, while I have benefit of this quality in him, he has a tendency to get all "white knight" for people he cares about (romantic or platonic) if he perceives them to be troubled in anyway. Even before we decided to go ploy, Ive watched this come out of him for his friends and had to point out that he was running on assumptions.

So I identify NRE with a clouding of judgment that creates an unfair bias. Never again can I give my husband the high of successfully telling an amusing story from his college days. He knows my best anecdotal stories too. While I know unrest will find me through out my life, I am centered enough in my day to day to not be able to be a damsel in distress to him. I know the vast majority of his weaknesses just as he knows mine. And we've driven all over each others body. And all the pesky stresses of marriage, parenting, and finances keep things from being carefree. In this way, neither of us can compete in the realm of NRE rush. I worry NRE will be, by far, our biggest hurdle.
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Old 09-20-2010, 04:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
I`m going to read this thread with interest. Obviously 'we' are in it, but I seem to be experiencing a opposite phenomenon.
I think it can be tied, partially, to your feeling of responsibility. With your large extended family and all of the responsibility, you had a hard time riding the nre wave. Everytime it struck, you got off the wave and said "next time". You and I both have that problem.

Mine comes from the experience of having very destructive NRE. To the point where I was wallowing all of the time. I had to check myself on my trip so my nre didn't get out of hand.

NRE can blind people to the responsibilities they have. You don't let it. ...I love that strength in you.
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Old 09-13-2010, 01:58 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by vodkafan View Post
Hi, yet another thread from me.

I read a lot on here about NRE. I wonder how long it lasts. It does seem to be responsible for a lot of problems in itself, causing lots of bad new feelings for a mono partner when their partner is in the grip of NRE.
LOL.........

This is another one of those things that make me chuckle.
Where we never seem to have enough words & terms in the dictionary, we need to always add more to add additional confusion.

NRE is pretty much what most of us know and used to refer to as 'infatuation'. And we all (most anyway) understand that term pretty well and what to expect. And infatuation always passes. But in the meantime the 'infatuated' is operating on half their cylinders.

Time varies. Sometimes a casual reminder is sufficient to bring them back to reality. Sometimes not.

But it may be that the key part of the 'new term (NRE) is the 'E" part. Energy.

We're now a culture of adrenaline junkies. It's reinforced by the media as a critical part of being 'normal'. If we don't crave that adrenaline rush there MUST be something wrong with us. And nothing like feeling a new connection, maybe replete with new sexual experiences (more adrenaline) to give us this required shot of adrenaline !

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Like any other drug, smart not to develop a dependency. Thankfully NRE/Infatuation seems to be self limiting. Surviving it (everyone involved) becomes the key. Buckle up & hang on for the ride.

GS
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Old 09-13-2010, 02:19 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Ive dated a lot of guys in the past couple years, while being in a new relationship with a woman. Oddly i didnt have overwhelming NRE for any of the guys except one (who promised me the earth and then didnt follow thru~ that relationship ended after 3 mos).

At this point, I've been so disappointed with many of the ppl I've dated, I hold back my emotions to an extent. I know NRE makes you idealize your love object, and so I am wary of that.

I feel like I still have some NRE for my gf after 18 mos, even tho we are in each others' pockets most days, not living together, but together A LOT.

Now we know each others' foibles and weaknesses, but she still charms me and delights me and I wanna have sex with her all the time! She's so damn cute and endearing. I'd do her twice a day if she let me. At least she loves to cuddle so I get lots of touching and kissing. She really likes having me around. But I'd say her NRE for me lasted about 6 mos. She struggles emotionally w coming out as transgender and that gets in the way of her self esteem and affects her sex drive, unfortunately. We had one rather dry spell last spring, lasting 3 months, when she was depressed. It almost killed me. :P Of course, I can get sex from my sweeties or casual relationships, but I want her more than anybody!

But, counting my blessings. We do manage daily sex most days. mmmm...
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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Last edited by Magdlyn; 09-13-2010 at 02:21 PM.
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